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[spikedball]

So, while my miners were digging a passage for water-powering my magma cannon, a dwarven caravan and two ambusher squads came. They arrived safely while ambushers ran around trying to kill someone's pet cat, and I thought I'd try to test the trap on live goblins. Okay, entrance bridge down, but some idiot immigrant woodworker, already friends with everyone, runs out with no job. I try to draft him, but he doesn't give a damn and runs straight for ambushers and gets his head smashed into pieces by a macegob. Well, whatever, his stupidity called for it anyway. Goblins go for the entrance, the macegob steps on the weapon trap with an -iron maul- and two copper maces, but only ends up with a grey shoulder and brown fingers. I check if anyone's in the magma trap and get a nasty surprise: inside it are 5 unarmed idiots, two of which are my treasured legendary siege operators, and one of them is right next to the entrance. I draft them all and set the station far, far away, but they don't seem give a damn too. The macegob leaps at my legendary 4 toughness dwarf, tangles together with him and falls, then instakills him next turn. Then he steps on another weapon trap and ends up with half of the body mangled and a slashed-out throat.
I wonder if a tantrum spiral would follow? But first, I'd like to know why the hell they were idling in restricted magma-trap area.

[The Architect]

1) If your dwarves don't have Stay Close to Station orders for their squad, they'll rush anything they can see.

2) Recruited dwarves will attack anything that is too close, regardless of orders.

3) Get a meeting hall underground somewhere, and use the Stay Inside order to bring dwarves in.

[Awayfarer]

As part of my "Pets for Dwarves" policy, my trapper had just caught a toad. I go to the kennel, select "Tame small animal", and go about my business.

Moments later I see the Dungeon master hauling a goblin corpse to the kennel. I check his job. It's "Tame small animal"

He apparently tried to force feed the toad an entire dead goblin. Good news; the toad was tamed. Bad news; it couldn't finish the gobbo (corpse was still there).

[spikedball]

2) Recruited dwarves will attack anything that is too close, regardless of orders.

3) Get a meeting hall underground somewhere, and use the Stay Inside order to bring dwarves in.

Thanks for the advice. Do they just not try to break off when already locked in wrestling, or do they actually move to attack?
One of my bowyers has gone mad fey and created a Highwood blowgun worth 61200. If only those things could be correctly equipped, supplied with poisoned darts and used for effects different from mangling hearts and lungs!
update: the only remaining female kitten in the fortress has just adopted him.

[starburst98]

well this is awkward. my king showed up mid spiral....

[The Architect]

Spikedball:
Glad to help. Soldiers will attack anything that gets too close, regardless of orders. Also, nothing can escape wrestling unless the opposite party gives up or is knocked unconscious.

Civilians will flee anything hostile no matter how dangerous, and no matter what other orders they may have (like "Stay Inside!!"). So they need to get to safety before the enemy gets close to them.

[Ghavrel]

Oh nothing SIEGE SIEGE SIEGE SIEGE much you know SIEGE SIEGE just a bit SIEGE SIEGE SIEGE SIEGE of BLOODY UNENDING SIEGES

My depiction (I hate the new Paint no more. Crayon?! Oil?! Beautiful.):

[Blargityblarg]

That actually looks pretty good, Ghav. Nice and simplistic. Post it over in the Fan Art Competition Thread down in DF General Discussion, if you haven't already.

[Kyronea]

Just got the Count in my current fort. He already has been demanding things...oddly, his fascination is not with the usual stuff, but with glass coffins...

[Urist Imiknorris]

Stripping the dwarven merchants and their guards naked, then selling them back their clothes. (new fort, not much industry yet, and they only had a steel anvil.

[Tycho]

Trying to figure out how to recover from a tantrum spiral that reduced the population from 100+ down to 1 dwarf, who's mood is 'very happy', and has elected himself mayor.
Testing cleaning products for their effectiveness at removing blood from stone.

[Jacob/Lee]

I just had the largest fucking goblin siege ever.

Squad A: led by a human weaponmaster and made up of mostly axes & wrestlers
Squad B:Squad A's mirror except led by a lasher.
Squad C:A large group of lashers and wrestlers led by a hero lasher.
Squad D:A small group of crossbowmen and wrestlers.

My marksdwarves squad was sent on the wall, only problem, each soldier had only 1 FUCKING BOLT. After shooting and missing they went inside to get beers. Squad A and B walked into my cage and stonefall traps and started fleeing. Squad C was confronted by my military, A spearman, hammer lord, lots of champion wrestlers, and a macedwarf, they were obliterated. Squad D was confronted by the fortress guard who bull rushed the goblins and somehow dodged almost every bolt.The hammerlord and speardwarf arrived and were shot to death along with 2 guard champions taking down over half the squad which started retreating.

VICTORY!

But at a cost, my fortress guard was at a 9/11 requirement. and the best weapon dwarves died.

[spikedball]

Okay, an elven caravan tried to make it in, but the fortress was locked down so they all got killed. I reacted soon with 12 arguably-expendable melee dwarves and two crossbow recruits; They all had exceptional to masterwork shields, but despite this, three of the melee dwarves were shot down before they even reacted. Backup marksdwarf recruits stationed to stay out of trouble somehow managed to get yellow hits, one in the leg and one in the upper body, and the latter resulted in bleeding to death. The remaining one was too busy dealing with THE PAIN to actually fire his masterwork bolts.
The ambushers were finished soon, and I began to construct windmill/marksdwarf tower to get the outer magma cannon working.
The lower one isn't finished yet, as it is still facing a passage full of felsite bridges, and since I screwed the water wheels completely, there was no choice but to dwarf-power it.
It'll be summer soon, meaning more ambushes. Another three of the melee squad went insane (they're surprisingly mentally fragile in this world) and my civilian dwarves are now happily running out to drink what the elves left behind.

[spikedball]

Despite having my dwarves again walking happily outside with no jobs under Dwarves Stay Inside, and my marksdwarf tower guard standing on the trade depot refusing to man his station, I managed to safely activate the cannon.

Spoiler: !!*goblin meat roasts*!! (click to show/hide)

[Chaoseed]

I broke into HFS for the first time.  Months later, I'm finally building enough coffins to house all the bones.

"No one even considered making the journey to such a cursed death-trap this season."

Awesome.