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[Grendus]

The elves showed up, restricted me to 100 logs a year (yea right) and then brought 120 db total in logs plus a single stack of tomatoes. I'm too soft with them, should have seized the whole caravan. I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING WOODS! THE FUCK DO I NEED YOUR GODDAMN WOOD FOR! BRING ME SOME GRIZZLY BEARS DAMNIT!

As if to remind me that I don't want war with the elves, a goblin bowman killed one of my champions. Got him in the chest with an iron bolt. Urgh. Last thing I want is war with those cowardly little bowmongers. Maybe when I finally kill the goblin king and the orc local leaders and have the spare time to butcher their druids.

[Fishbulb]

Hardyglazes just entered its fifth year, and things are going swimmingly, for the most part. There was some unpleasantness with a troublesome count and a grabby tax collector, after a short series of unfortunate accidents, that problem has been solved.

The elephant and black-rhino breeding programs are coming along nicely. So nicely, in fact, that I decided to take my cage traps down. I have eight captured (and tamed) elephants, and seventeen rhinos. So far the elephants have produced sixteen calves in just two years. Yipes.

Oh, and there's a dragon in my front room for some reason.

Man, I wish the goblins would siege me again. Two sieges so far, and neither one got past my marksdwarves on the battlements before bugging out. Come on, guys.

(Orcs are, unfortunately, extinct on this map. If I'd noticed that when I was embarking, I'd have made a different choice. Grumble.)

[warhammer651]

Generated a fort today using relentless assault.

I neglected making a suitable military, so I was overrun by snake men.

[The Architect]

So far the elephants have produced sixteen calves in just two years. Yipes.

This is silly. I guess they're giving birth to multiples, but they should be multiple_litter_rare, and as far as I know elephants have the longest pregnancy period of any mammal. SO, I'm going to look it up right now...

"Twenty two months after the time of conception the baby elephant is born."

http://www.helium.com/items/1507615-elephant-pregnancy

[Fishbulb]

They are having multiple births, at least sometimes. I recall one birth announcement that was singular, and also one where there were three calves.

These are unmodded (Dig Deeper, if that matters) elephants. I just looked at the raw; they do not have multiple_litter_rare. I guess I could add it, but this is what came out of the box by default.

(I'm not sure the game models gestation time, does it? Do different species take longer to produce offspring?)

[Karnewarrior]

watching one of my Immortals get slowly ripped apart by 75% of the UG river population. so far he has red:
nevermind. they finnaly killed him.

[Doomshifter]

I just started a fortress on a tiny, isolated island. Every edge is water, so no migrants, traders, nobles, sieges, etc.

I only have one woman out of my starting seven! That kinda messes with my breeding plan!

Also, there is a lone tiger and more than enough elephants wandering around on my island. I think I shall capture them all. Gotta catch 'em all!

[Fishbulb]

Okay, this is kind of funny. Here in Hardyglazes, we have a fortress guard but no jail. I just never got around to building one, y'see.

Anyway, the duchess mandated something stupid, and I ignored it, like you do. The sentence came down: one of my stoneworkers, Bomrek, was due for a beating.

The beating ended in death. So the guard who beat him, Kumil, was sentenced to his own beating … for murder.

Kib, the guard who got assigned the Bomrek murder, sought out Kumil in the middle of my meeting hall (with newly rebuilt floor after the friendly-dragon incident of a couple years ago). Kib beat Kumil for his crime … killing him. So now Kib is up on charges for murder, having killed Kumil, who killed Bomrek.

I looked at the justice screen to see who my next murderer was going to be. Turns out the officer assigned to Kib's case was … Kib himself. "No sentence pending," it says.

Hardyglazes is one corrupt fort, y'all.

[o_O[WTFace]]

Yea dwarven justice basically consists of nobles whipping your fort with the tantrum chain.

I sealed off half a river using magma, melting one peasant in the process.  Anyway, that little project involved a door with magma behind it.  Pretty soon and orc siege shows up riding on some beak dogs that I modded into building destroyers.  About 4 of them charge that door right away, though sadly not starting a forest fire.  I now have at least one engraving of burning orcs, finally something other then the mayor getting elected. 

[Grendus]

I believe that at one point there was a bug where dwarves in the guard who administered beatings were considered criminals which ended in fortress civil wars. You may be using a version where that still happens, not sure.

[Kav]

Things were looking up. The glassblower was cranking out raw glass for the jeweling team. The stonecrafter was cranking out obsidian crafts.  The 2 dwarf military was training up. Then we turned to science, and everything went horribly wrong.

The main halls were filled with smoke. I couldn't find the offending articles or dwarfs, so I just passed it off as an imp lighting something at random before he walked into the cage traps. Leader's lover dies. I'm mildly upset. Some more dwarfs die, then some more, then some more. I'm very mildly upset. So they start raging out and tear up the dining room and the barracks, and destroyed all the furniture. The leader even destroyed every piece of furniture in his room. Some dwarfs that couldn't find enough furniture to destroy turned to giving puppies savage beatings.

Then the human caravan arrived, with a goblin ambush. Wiped half the caravan, but they got most the goblins. Both parties leave. Twenty dwarfs run out of the fortress to loot the corpses. They find 2 more ambush parties. I think a few of them might have made it back. A few widows are now trying to drown themselves in a shallow pond. Migrants show up. The goblins have some more fun. Finally they attack the fortress. They killed the 2 swordsdwarfs but not until they had killed most of the goblins. The puppies finished them off.

The legendary craftsdwarf decides now is the time to go berserk. Not sure how many he killed but it wasn't enough. He ran outside after a limping fleeing goblin or something when another migrant wave shows up. I think 1 or 2 of them didn't get massacred. When he comes back to the fortress he starts chasing people up the walls and murdering them on top the outer wall, then decides to take a break. An immigrant hunter fires way too many bolts at him and finally takes him down.

Let the puppy beatings continue. A few more dwarfs try to drown themselves in inadequate water sources. But then someone deconstructed a key support for the new sculpture garden roof. Dozens of dogs and puppies dead, plus many dwarfs. Yet another goblin ambush. When we got right down to it there was one dwarf that had built himself inside a wall, he starved. Then there was the last dwarf in the fort, a baby of a mother that had tried to drown herself in a shallow pool. The baby listened to the goblins murdering farm animals for the better part of a season before she died of thirst.

The experiment was going to see what kind of barriers forest fires could travel through (bars, grates, fortifications, statues). I guess somehow an imp lit one of the dwarfs while they were loading a cage trap. Tragically when I released the only 2 imps captured into the field I set up for the experiment they just charred some grass before a puppy took them down instead of actually lighting a fire. I'll have to try it with coal and magma next time. Imps are dangerous. and I don't think the incredibly valuable masterful obsidian crafts decorated with gems helped keep the goblins away either.

[Fishbulb]

I believe that at one point there was a bug where dwarves in the guard who administered beatings were considered criminals which ended in fortress civil wars. You may be using a version where that still happens, not sure.

I'm using 40d16 on the Mac, and I had no idea it was a bug. Every time I've seen a guard beat a criminal to death (which has admitted been only about half a dozen times total) that guard's been charged with murder and either punished or, in this case, not.

In other news, as soon as this caravan clears the map with my offering, I should have everything in place to get the king. I had to pull up all my basalt-block roads and replace them with marble to meet his road-building requirement, the little snot. Hope he appreciates it.

[Duelmaster409]

I created a barracks over a magma pipe FOR THE HELL OF IT. I had fun watching the 'rasslers tackle eachother dramatically and fall 3 z's to their firey but, somehow, dwarvenly fate. Because dying to magma is the most dwarvenly of all deaths.

[Kidiri]

I am SERIOUSLY beginning to start to lose my temper. Orcs arrived and the headed to my fort, across Zuko's path. He attacked, they retaliated and, thinking I would help him out a bit, I gave Zuko his fire breath back. But to no avail. So now I'm going to mod him to ridiculous speed, size and damblock (like, in the thousands) hoping he will be able to FINALLY take on those bloody orcs. I'll obviously make him back normal when I'm going to lure him in.

EDIT:
Okay, upping damblock, speed and size didn't help. The orcs still massacred Zuko. Although, to be honest, he was already unconscious and hurt when I did it. So I also tried Dwarf Companion. I can't get it to work. So I will now purge every last bit of the save files in magma. And then throw the resulting magma on top of water, mine out the obsidian, and cast that into magma. That magma will be diverted to a bottomless pit, which will be paved over, and filled with magma. Then, I will kill all living creatures on the map, just to be sure nobody remembers the thing.

And then, I'll start a new fort.

[xdarkcodex]

Don't make the damblock too high or it goes in the negatives.