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[Yoink]

I *adore* my sheriff! Not only do I relate to their likes etc., but when my militia captain chucks a tanty and destroys a farm plot? Does he get a cuff over the head? Noooo, my sherrif waltzes up, wags a finger, and carves chunks out of him with a battle-axe. I'm totally giving her better quarters, for that. <3

And this is how you tell the logical DF player from the slightly deranged one. The logical player gets mad when the sheriff cuts bits out of a dwarf - after all, more dwarfpower for hauling/megaprojects is always a good thing. The deranged player finds the most badass dwarf, gives them a masterwork axe, and see how many chops it takes to get rid of the mayor.

Pretty much! Although, they did survive. They just weren't much good for anything with a completely destroyed nervous system.

[TherosPherae]

I *adore* my sheriff! Not only do I relate to their likes etc., but when my militia captain chucks a tanty and destroys a farm plot? Does he get a cuff over the head? Noooo, my sherrif waltzes up, wags a finger, and carves chunks out of him with a battle-axe. I'm totally giving her better quarters, for that. <3

And this is how you tell the logical DF player from the slightly deranged one. The logical player gets mad when the sheriff cuts bits out of a dwarf - after all, more dwarfpower for hauling/megaprojects is always a good thing. The deranged player finds the most badass dwarf, gives them a masterwork axe, and see how many chops it takes to get rid of the mayor.

Pretty much! Although, they did survive. They just weren't much good for anything with a completely destroyed nervous system.

Now that's just cruel. Even for a DF player. Now, you must devise some overdone, intricate mechanism to put them out of their misery to compensate for your actions.

[Number7]

I am in the process of starting a new fort, which will be the first one i play for long enough for everyone to die of legit (IE: Me not digging into the river for the lulz) reasons.

though i will be making large pyramids for my initial 7 dwarves, and find a way to fill them with MAGMA

[strongrudder]

After thirteen years of occasionally demanding crutches, my rather cool mayor got in a mood, screamed "ALLA YOU FOOKERS OUTTA ME CARPENTER SHOP" and made himself THE MOST BADASS CRUTCH, Ishash Ziksis "The Cusp of Splitting"! It menaces with spikes of phantom spider silk.  I do not know what is up with that.  But yes.

This made me grin. "Outta the way, yeh dolts! Yer doin' it wrong!"
The silk spikes allow it to look rad but be gentle on the dwarf who has to use the thing.

[Beardless]

Ever queue up so many tasks that all you can do is watch your dwarves at work? Trying to resist the urge to add more things that you see should be done right away, knowing that it's not going to happen? With a 2-6% idle rate, futzing with job allocations is only going to delay something that should be done even more. Even tweaking stockpiles for efficiency and organization is going to drop a load more tasks on them, so what they need is for their all-seeing god to just chill the hell out and let them do their damn jobs.

Oh man, you're describing the entire run of my first fort (~40d). In the second spring, I started designating excavations for a semi-megaproject before the sole survivor even built enough coffins to bury his twenty former colleagues. "Now" (I haven't played that fort since April), it's up to 120 dwarves and I'm working on three different entrance complexes and an outlying tower outpost just because I can't stop telling them to do stuff. I wish I could accept 2-6% idle. At 1%, I'm annoyed. At 3%, I'm worried that something isn't right and take immediate corrective action. 6%... is beyond normal operating parameters.

I'm trying to chill out a bit with my forts in the new version.

[Yoink]

Oh dear god!!
After a long time just sitting in my carpentry workshop in a strange mood, my ultra-deadly sherrif just went berserk!
Goodbye, fort, it was nice knowing you... D:

[Organum]

I just embarked in a warm region. Rather than dwarves, I'm playing as a polar bear-like race I modded in.

They named it "Blazehell". Something tells me they aren't too happy with the climate...

[RandomNumberGenerator]

Oh dear god!!
After a long time just sitting in my carpentry workshop in a strange mood, my ultra-deadly sherrif just went berserk!
Goodbye, fort, it was nice knowing you... D:

What was he missing?

[Yoink]

I don't know... Wait, you mean you can CHECK? *facepalm*
Well, they've killed 15 people now, although most of those were animals... And they're hard at work killing everyone else. Well, at least they're as awesome as I thought they were. They're cleaving all my other dwarves in two with single strikes! Just wish they could be killing my ENEMIES instead...

Oh, in other news, an army of buzzards are attacking my fort at the same time.

EDIT: Well, they rampaged around for a while, killing everyone, until some new migrant caved her skull in with a shield. :O
Amusingly, my guard-buzzard put up the best fight out of everyone else... Although sadly they were chopped in half too.
Think I'll probably abandon this fort now...

[Vodrilus]

Year 1071 in Dastotudib
After completing phase 1 of my obsidian fortress construction project, I made a hideous mistake. While the top of the obsidian block was still submerged in 1/7 or (mostly) 2/7 water squares, I designated the surrounding walls to be deconstructed.
It was not long before my faithful followers started on this time-consuming task. Alas, as the walls were being deconstructed tile by tile, water poured out, whisking away the infants that my workers carried, down to the valley floor. It goes without saying that this caused fortress-wide unhappiness. Now the entire fort is at the verge of a massive tantrum spiral, and a few have already been chopped to pieces by the captain. Would they be happy if I built a nice mist generator?

[Killing Time]

I always end up regretting putting my sheriff in the military, but it never feels right to have him be a useless wimp instead of a steel clad badass.

[Devstorm]

My mason is creepy. She carves pictures or makes statues of stranglers. Now she's romantically involved with my expedition leader... Why do I get the feeling I'll find him dead in his bed one of these days?

[Pukako]

Finally, goblins!!!

Unfortunately they arrived just as a badly needed merchant did.  Two dwarves that were wandering way over the wrong side of the map died, including my legendary leathersmith, but that's life... Goblins fared very badly in the "Dance of the Three Bridges", which unfortunately means no looting their corpses.

Kobold thief turned up in the middle of the merchant caravan, and got immediately smacked around, and one goblin did make it in and chipped a bone in my hunter's arm.  Time to build a hospital, but the Chief Medical Dwarf has just gone moody, and appears to be carving a perfect catseye. 

And to add a mystery, I had 36 dwarves, lost two, and now have 35, but no births have been announced.  Strange.

[Yoink]

Well, somehow in all the chaos of my sherrif Reg Uristerith going beserk and killing almost everyone, including my guard vulture, I ended up with another tame vulture. So because of that, I decided not to abandon the fort.
As long as there is a guard vulture at the gates, Roldethnasod shall not fall!

Also, I'm amused at my new sheriff, who's a cowardly bully... When the last sheriff went on the rampage, he was cowering down in the caves while everyone else died in combat... Now that he's got authority, he takes great delight in brutalizing helpless petty criminals...
Hey, I know, I congratulated my last sheriff for doing that! But they were badass, not a wimp like her replacement. 

[Musashi]

I got rid of an entire siege without any casualty.
... except one.
My militia commander, Inul Roomrelieve The Tests of Complexity. She had 66 kills, an overwhelming amount of them being goblins. Her foot and arm were merely injured during the fight; it is when she tried to limp back inside my fortress to rest that she fainted on top of a weapon trap. She was reduced to a bloody mess by the time she passed away.
Anticlimatic, yes, but now, I can say no goblin could best her. Only dwarven inventiveness and cruelty could kill her. Good job, soldier. You will be dearly missed, even though you had no friend or family.
Shameyells, your named steel spear, will go to a worthy successor. I hope.
...
Dammit, woman, couldn't you have passed out on a cage trap or a stone fall trap instead?!