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[GaxkangtheUnbound]

Well my brewer recently lost his right arm to an animal, he then wrestled it from the creatures mouth and beat it to death with his arm...... and he's still ecstatic.

I have a person who's torn open. They're operating fine.
On the other hand, a person with a foot missing is unable to move.

[cog disso]

My underground pool/pleasure palace idea was ruined when I accidentally piped into the river at an angle.

[MarineMorton]

Fieryarrows Brewery is founded in the year 402  expect to be mass producing vodka, gin and cider by 404!

[Internet Kraken]

Well despite my common sense telling me not to do it, I sent the military to kill the zombie whales. I was just so fucking sick of them. They weren't going to leave either. So I had the Guard Captain and 2 soldiers fight them off, expecting them to drown to death in the process. However, they defied all expectations and actually survived. They didn't dive into the ocean to fight the zombie whales, but instead waited for them to come onto shore and then shoved adamantine battle axes into their bloated bodies. I'd give these guys a medal, but every time I take pride in my military they always disappoint me months later. So I'm sure they're going to do something stupid soon. Hope I get some migrants, as the population has room to grow.

But more importantly, with the zombie whales gone, progress on the siege breaker can finally continue! Actually, it can't. Because within seconds of the zombie whales being killed, the goblins decided to launch a fucking siege. I never get a god damn break.

Also a crafter somehow starved to death, yet his corpse is located inside the food stockpile. I guess he just choked on a plump helmet.

[Urist Imiknorris]

You can never catch a break, can you?

[Dok Enkephalin]

I'm switching my defense over to cages so my militia can use these guys as training dummies. I noticed the retreated war leader missing from the civilizations list, and when I checked Legends, he completely vanished. Perhaps he's just gone temporarily migrant? In any case, I regret missing the opportunity to kill him, so for now on, I capture and execute by beat-down squad.

[Urist Imiknorris]

His assault defeated and his men slain, Stozu Goblinpunch the Almighy Poison of Armor decided to leave war and roam the wilderness until the end of his days...

[electromagneticpulse]

I'm currently running a few tests for when I eventually go full scale on an uber-fort. I'm currently building an aqueduct that spans the entire map, mostly for kicks, but also for irrigation systems and water supplies in my air-fortress.

I'm also working on constructing the aforementioned air-fortress that I plan to make into a self-sustaining biome and strip-mine a huge moat around the outside of the central pillar (used for access in the beginning). This moat will then be filled with magma when necessary to prevent invasion and allow my men to live in boozehalla free from threat.

I have a bad feeling about my aqueduct, in that my water-diverting plans always end in disaster. Thankfully my base is several Z-levels up from the ocean tiles, so flooding won't be immediate, but I have a bad feeling that I may be creating an uncontrollable pump stack that will flood everything up to 2 z-levels past my base given that I'm taking the source water from the ocean. It will, however, provide an immense waterwheel construct if I desired, however I doubt I'd have use for the ten-thousands power it would be producing. Until there's something more useful than powering a mill, I think I'm being a bit excessive in the power production department.

[NKDietrich]

My first attempt at obsidian casting an entire fort sort of failed. I underestimated the flow of magma and water I would need to actually accomplish my goal.  It would have happened eventually, but it was going to take a long, long time. I am going to start again, this time I'm going to run 4 pump stacks each of magma and water, and pipe them into a central hub over the casting site.

[Dok Enkephalin]

Crap, I can't take much more of this 'fun'. Pets and children are still dying and the jail is packed with tantrum offenses. Of my founding seven, the mayor was killed by a guard who apparently was wielding a real axe instead of the training weapons, all but one of the rest went one type of insane or another. All officials are tantruming, except the guard captain, who's quite content, and a Legendary fighter militia commander. He's miserable now, and stands to do a lot of damage if he goes berserk like the last one did.

[LoSboccacc]

it may be a good time to change his uniform removing weapons and such. or putting serrated disc in the barracks doorways.

[Arekis]

It has been an eventful couple of seasons.  The whole mess actually started a few years ago with the appearance of a forgotten beast, beware its deadly blood!  It showed up and promptly dove into the depths of the cavern lake where it skulked for a couple of years.  During that time the fort drove back several sieges and became a county!  Well, the beast finally decided to emerge and announced itself by breaking a pump stack.  I promptly sent in a squad of marksdwarves and axedwarves to deal with it.  They sliced it up pretty nice, but as expected, the blood had an effect.  Two dwarves and a miner passed out after coming into contact with it immediately.  However, after a bit they woke up and that seemed to be the end of it.

A vile force of darkness has arrived!  The orcs rushed the gates to be met with a flurry of arrows, cages, and spike traps.  The siege was broken quickly.  However, it wasn't the orcs directly that began the death toll in the fortress, it was the cleanup effort.  The dwarves stepped out into the countryside and began ferrying the dead orcs and their gear inside.  In the meantime, it started to rain.  The rain washed off the beast's blood still clinging to someone's clothes.  This time it was quicker and more potent.  3 children, 2 cats, a dog, and my legendary broker die.  I manage to prevent further deaths.  I think we got away lucky here.

A forgotten beast has appeared!  A giant quadruped, beware it's deadly dust!  Again the cavern farms are in dire trouble.  However, I have a plan: in the months since the last beast attack I dug out a set of fortifications overlooking an expanse where the beasts are likely to come from.  I send several marksdwarves who should be able to take out the creature with impunity.  I send a couple of axedwarves just in case.  The arrows begin flying, and so does the beast.  It easily hops over the wall of fortifications and lets out a massive blast of dust.  The attack slams three marksdwarves against the walls, killing one instantly, and brutally injuring the other two beyond recovery.  The axedwarves and the others attack.  Two more less effective blasts cripple the rest of the squads, but they manage to kill the beast with high fever and unconsciousness.

At this point I get the message "Cancels 'Give Food': no more food." What!?  But my stockpiles are full!  Wait, they're full of tallow.  It will be a full season before the fall harvest...  The booze count is dangerously low as well.  But what luck!  A human caravan has arrived!  The remaining able forces move to protect the caravan and guard the entrance.

A vile force of darkness has arrived!

Okay, the caravan might outrun the besieging goblins.  The trolls, however, will be a problem (I'm playing this fort with only doors, no drawbridges).  I have two squads of reasonably well trained axedwarves and one squad of swordsdwarves.  They'll be covered by the remainder of the marksdwarves that aren't vomiting or crippled by fever.  The population inside is already uneasy due to lack of food and the deaths of their loved ones.  They need this caravan.

The caravan begins its run for the gates with the goblins close behind.

A vile force of darkness has arrived!

Orcs.  5 squads of orcs.  Okay...  5 squads of goblins with 20 trolls now have 50 or so orcs by their side.  *Deep breath*

My total forces now number roughly 20, with 15 of them outside the gates.  Among them are 5 elite soldiers.  The caravan speeds toward the fort just as the first goblins and trolls get there.  The horses are spooked and scatter in all directions.  It is too late for them; the gates are now locked.  The might of the invasion falls upon the soldiers with each dwarf surrounded by 5 of the enemy.  The fresher recruits are quickly overwhelmed and even the elites are taking massive injuries from the brutal orcs.  The caravan is slaughtered.  All the melee soldiers are dead.

There is still hope.  The trolls, being in the first wave, are mostly slain.  Without them, the gates might hold while the archers thin out the enemy numbers.  The orcs and goblins, still a sizable force, have camped just outside the marksdwarves' range.  Should they take the gates, all will be lost.  In the meantime, the fort starves and the families mourn the loss of their fallen.

*Edited for military correctness

[WrathNail]

Finishing up the magma traps when a Jungle Titan shows up. An enormous, shelled quadruped made of salt. It kills 3 of my pet dogs before encountering my wrestler, who procedes to tear off its shell with his bear hands, then beats on it until it dies while sustaining minimal injuries.

Urist McSpectator: Dude, Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?

[Vehudur]

Finishing up the magma traps when a Jungle Titan shows up. An enormous, shelled quadruped made of salt. It kills 3 of my pet dogs before encountering my wrestler, who procedes to tear off its shell with his bear hands, then beats on it until it dies while sustaining minimal injuries.

Urist McSpectator: Dude, Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?

For good measure.

It has been an eventful couple of seasons.  The whole mess actually started a few years ago with the appearance of a forgotten beast, beware its deadly blood!  It showed up and promptly dove into the depths of the cavern lake where it skulked for a couple of years.  During that time the fort drove back several sieges and became a county!  Well, the beast finally decided to emerge and announced itself by breaking a pump stack.  I promptly sent in a squad of marksdwarves and axedwarves to deal with it.  They sliced it up pretty nice, but as expected, the blood had an effect.  Two dwarves and a miner passed out after coming into contact with it immediately.  However, after a bit they woke up and that seemed to be the end of it.

A vile force of darkness has arrived!  The orcs rushed the gates to be met with a flurry of arrows, cages, and spike traps.  The siege was broken quickly.  However, it wasn't the orcs directly that began the death toll in the fortress, it was the cleanup effort.  The dwarves stepped out into the countryside and began ferrying the dead orcs and their gear inside.  In the meantime, it started to rain.  The rain washed off the beast's blood still clinging to someone's clothes.  This time it was quicker and more potent.  3 children, 2 cats, a dog, and my legendary broker die.  I manage to prevent further deaths.  I think we got away lucky here.

A forgotten beast has appeared!  A giant quadruped, beware it's deadly dust!  Again the cavern farms are in dire trouble.  However, I have a plan: in the months since the last beast attack I dug out a set of fortifications overlooking an expanse where the beasts are likely to come from.  I send several marksdwarves who should be able to take out the creature with impunity.  I send a couple of axedwarves just in case.  The arrows begin flying, and so does the beast.  It easily hops over the wall of fortifications and lets out a massive blast of dust.  The attack slams three marksdwarves against the walls, killing one instantly, and brutally injuring the other two beyond recovery.  The axedwarves and the others attack.  Two more less effective blasts cripple the rest of the squads, but they manage to kill the beast with high fever and unconsciousness.

At this point I get the message "Cancels 'Give Food': no more food." What!?  But my stockpiles are full!  Wait, they're full of tallow.  It will be a full season before the fall harvest...  The booze count is dangerously low as well.  But what luck!  A human caravan has arrived!  The remaining able forces move to protect the caravan and guard the entrance.

A vile force of darkness has arrived!

Okay, the caravan might outrun the besieging goblins.  The trolls, however, will be a problem (I'm playing this fort with only doors, no drawbridges).  I have two squads of reasonably well trained axedwarves and one squad of swordsdwarves.  They'll be covered by the remainder of the marksdwarves that aren't vomiting or crippled by fever.  The population inside is already uneasy due to lack of food and the deaths of their loved ones.  They need this caravan.

The caravan begins its run for the gates with the goblins close behind.

A vile force of darkness has arrived!

Orcs.  5 divisions of orcs.  Okay...  5 divisions of goblins with 20 trolls now have 50 or so orcs by their side.  *Deep breath*

My total forces now number roughly 20, with 15 of them outside the gates.  Among them are 5 elite soldiers.  The caravan speeds toward the fort just as the first goblins and trolls get there.  The horses are spooked and scatter in all directions.  It is too late for them; the gates are now locked.  The might of the invasion falls upon the soldiers with each dwarf surrounded by 5 of the enemy.  The fresher recruits are quickly overwhelmed and even the elites are taking massive injuries from the brutal orcs.  The caravan is slaughtered.  All the melee soldiers are dead.

There is still hope.  The trolls, being in the first wave, are mostly slain.  Without them, the gates might hold while the archers thin out the enemy numbers.  The orcs and goblins, still a sizable force, have camped just outside the marksdwarves' range.  Should they take the gates, all will be lost.  In the meantime, the fort starves and the families mourn the loss of their fallen.

Yikes. 

Kill it with fire.  Oh wait, the caravan...

What I would have done is moved my forces into a blocking position to keep them between the orcs and the caravan, even if it meant taking slightly higher casualties. 

Also, sorry, bit of a jerk moment from the military part of me:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(for the record, a division is 7,000 - 11,000 strong, so you'd best hope you don't get one, much less 5.  Maybe 5 companies, which are 100 - 200 strong, but even that would be frame-rate death as well as pure obliteration of you - or even better, call them squads, like they are - because that's what they're the right number for.)

[Urist Imiknorris]

Cook all your tallow.