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[Random_Dragon]

You've apparently invented the dwarven equivalent of goatse. Congrats, now it's a kappa fortress.

[callisto8413]

In my current game, which I am turning into a story, I don't even have a thief yet after starting my third year.  When do they show up or does that depend on how close their civilization is to your Fortress?

Maybe my stuff isn't worth stealing.   

[Random_Dragon]

In my current game, which I am turning into a story, I don't even have a thief yet after starting my third year.  When do they show up or does that depend on how close their civilization is to your Fortress?

Maybe my stuff isn't worth stealing.   

As far as I recall, thieves can starting showing up when you hit the relevent civ's first progress triggers. For goblin snatchers it's 50 dwarves, 25000 created wealth, or 2500 exported wealth. For kobold thieves it's 20 dwarves, 5000 created wealth, or 500 exported wealth.

However, if it's kobolds you want, since they never show up on the site neighbor list, you have no efficient way of checking whether they'll even start showing up in the first place. :V

EDIT: Speaking of kobolds, I have two slight problems with my big wall. First, for maximum fucking over of invaders, I need to use blocks. This is a problem without masonry, as while wood is readily available it's only made one fucking block at a time. Second, I'm having to build woods around the moat to keep trees from growing too close to the wall. Thankfully these can be made from logs without issue.

I then remembered, halfway through building the roads, that STOCKPILES would be an easier way to restrict tree growth. Oh well. I'll do that for the inside perimeter, and complete the roads running outside the wall.

EDIT 2: So, what happens if I decide to have a kobold tavern?

EDIT 3: Ahah. I figured out how to get the game to properly stockpile stone ammo! >w>

[Random_Dragon]

And again, even if you ARE in range of kobolds, you can't tell until they start showing up.

Meanwhile...whee. Good news is now I can fucking store my stone arrows. Bad news is now mugs are called goblets. Oh, and I could make stone furniture at a metalsmithing forge if kobolds still had access to metalworking. >w>

[martinuzz]

My queen, Lady Gemrock, just wrote a book called "Lady Gemrock and the Foolish Executioner."

I wonder if it is her husband, the duke-hammerer-queen-consort's failure to execute criminals with a bone artefact hammer, or the fact that he actually managed to fracture someone's hand with a no quality adamantine hammer that inspired the title.

Or perhaps it was the incident I posted about a few days ago, when her dear husband, the duke-hammerer-queen-consort jailed her, the queen, for violating an export prohibition.

Anyhow, the title is just too fitting. (Sadly, it's three chapters do not involve their relationship. The book is about the queen making a masterful wooden minecart, and changing careers a lot)

[Random_Dragon]

At last! Migrants arrived. I was afraid I might've screwed myself over at first. Not we might finally get shit done around here. >.<

[Khalari]

Over the last 6 months I've had monthly werebeast transformations in my fortress. And increasing in numbers, from the one initial (migrant, I assume), it went up to three and as high as six.

Got my population down from near a hundred (forget if capped at 95 or 109) to my now 69. Not to mention happiness levels, which were moderately high are now at an all-time low. I can almost feel the tantrum spiral that's going to get me to 20 dwarves, if I'm lucky.

I have an abundance of food and a huge supply of booze, I could easily withstand any siege by pulling a lever and locking myself in. The problem is when the threat comes from within my own walls. =/

My mayor's also a vampire but in the 2 years she's been here she killed maybe five people so I was happy to enlist her in the army and let her have her little feasts now and again.

[Dustin]

"Welcome to Searingmines, Mr and Mrs Minotaur. I hope you find your cages comfortable."

This world seems to have a lot of minotaurs; so far four of them have visited Searingmines and I managed to catch the last two of them, a male and a female.

This raises new possibilities. Do minotaurs breed?

I once had a world dubbed "The Cyclopean Universes" Ironically, I never met a Cyclops.

EDIT, we'll more of an addition to avoid double post: Apperently, my settlement was just defaced by "The Impertinent Nation" I think humans just declared war on me...

EDIT 2: Oh, I read that wrong. It meant a good engraving was grown over by vegetation in the mud left over by near-flood.

i had a world naped the cyclopean universes too, strange how that works

[Bradders]

What's going on in my fort:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This thing just appeared out of the fog on a conspicuously barren first cavern level.  My fort is completely sealed from any intrusions underground, so I'm not in any sort of immediate danger, but how deadly is this beast exactly?  Just walking through the cavern its footprints sparked and lit the ground behind it aflame, half the cavern is now burning.  I suspect the beast's earlier passage through is what made the cavern barren in the first place.  Will this thing spit fireballs at range?  Should I invest in nethercap shields?

Armok save me

[Random_Dragon]

Flames are...fun, but they fall apart rapidly in combat because they're basically made out of a gas and the game realizes that about as soon as it takes a hit. So basically a Glass Cannon.

EDIT: Meanwhile in Kobold Kamp...wall is going smoothly. Only problem is, I can either slooowly convert my nigh-infinite amount of logs into blocks one at a time, or I can mod in a reaction to get a hundred or so blocks out of a single log.

[khearn]

EDIT: And thus begins the eternal cycle of ineffectual zombie fisting. She actually woke up and recovered enough to flee some more. Hasn't once bothered to fight back, despite wielding a perfectly good guitar.

You keep using that word.
I do not think it means what you think it means.

Edit: And in news from my fort, this just in:

The Chaoses of hate, a performance group, is visiting.

I'm not sure if this is a punk rock group or a goblin siege.

[Random_Dragon]

You keep using that word.
I do not think it means what you think it means.

If I didn't know what it meant, it wouldn't have been amusing to misuse the word in that way. :V

[Libash_Thunderhead]

Just found some of my human guests are slayers of various elves.
For example, the human axe lord who died of old age(87) recently once killed an elf called Elifa Visionleaf, she killed 19 goblins/trolls/beakdogs while serving this fort using an iron great axe.

[Random_Dragon]

What's that, little kobold? I accidentally selected a single wooden log instead of a wooden block while building the wall? Tear that down and do it right. And no, I don't care that you have to dismantle another block or two to access it because we're building on top of the ground-level wall.

[DwarfChef]

Were-anteater fun. One survivor of the initial attack so I isolate him in a nice empty room, hole in top to drop food in. He transforms and jumps out either though the hole in the ceiling or the fortifications. And then stops to throw up because sunlight.

One peasant takes an entire page of 'shaken around by the head', 'an artery opens', before dieing. Another survives temporarily.
Then the carpenter (and oh, yeah, the barely trained military) arrives. Carpenter bites were. Carpenter plays 'got your nose' with were. Carpenter gets bruised, but no cuts & no bleeding. Yay.
The military eventually accidently kills the were. Lessee, 'tearing the middle spine nervous tissue' makes the were drop it's weapon (leather shoe). No other effect. On the next page, silver war hammer drives ribs through the heart, then gets stuck. Were doesn't seem to notice. Over the next four pages, were gets skull fractured, hand nearly cut off, tail broken, lower spine nervous damage, and improves its observation (that was very satisfying). And finally it dies of...
bleeding out, while dodging.

Fighting with heart ripped apart? Very tough anteater. Final score: 2 dead peasants, one ex-military with no feet who will be an anteater next month.