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[Raul351]

well i had just modded the raws so i could play as a bronze collosus in adventure mode but i thought it didn't work, soon forgetting it i made a new world and set up a small fortress, we struck adamantinite or what ever its called, being smart and not mining it all, i managed to make one sword with it before it said i was being attacked, not playing often this is the first time i was under seige and i saw that an army of bronze collosus wrestlers were trowing my dwarves making them splat against the walls, i had only just learned how to use militairy squads and being a total noob, none of them survived

[imperium3]

I just killed a Goblin Master Thief whose name was Snang Assnang. That translates as Thief Masterthief. WHAT THE HECK?

The name's Thief. Master Thief. 

[ThatAussieGuy]

Just accidentally flooded the lowest level of the fort (a small town in of itself) with magma due to one unsealed corridor.  Whoops.  Had to revert to the save.

[Reudh]

Sigged.

[Lexx]

How on earth are you running 200 dwarves without your computer turning into a smoking wreck? Are you getting more than ten FPS?

I'm almost at 200 dwarves too plus shitloads of dogs and cats and it runs still at around 50fps.

Ok, but you aren't saying *how*

A good tip is don't embark on running water. As useful as streams/brooks rivers are they chew up FPS. Check the magma wiki for other FPS optimization. Turn temperature off helps alot of your having issues on your machine.

[ThatAussieGuy]

A dragon's rocked up and crashes Dwarf Fortress outright after it sets fire to a few things due to the magma refill/expansion calculations going on in other parts of the place. And because I've saved right after he starts burning stuff, my lovely Knifemurders crashes about 30 seconds after i reload when the damned critter sets fire to a few things.  Rather thankful i made a backup right now...

[Gyvon]

Turned weather back on.  The rain is washing away all the blood on the surface.

[timotheus]

Building my first moat ever. I am pretty certain I will flood my halls.

[darthbob88]

Just trying to get everything perfect for this fort; I've decided to build everything inside a giant pyramid. Workshops, housing, stockpiles, the lot. Underground farms, some stockpiles, obsidian farming, and of course mining out and working the coal, magnetite, flux, and native platinum down below. The biggest problem is siting the magma reservoir needed for the furnaces and obsidian farm; below the flux layer, hanging off the walls of the 1st cavern, down in the 2nd cavern, where?

[Lexx]

My current fort has been founded on a small mountain riddled with galena. Luckily my militia commander loves lead. So Im going to make her entire bedroom and office and dining room from the stuff. If it ends up succumbing to a goblin invasion Steeguilds will need to be renamed to leadguilds. Unless flux and iron are in the caves that might have been an overly optimistic name.

[AiresPenlaw]

I've just aquired an artifact silver spear. I'm going to give it to the Militia Captain of the squad named "The Blunt Lances".

[Newbunkle]

The Weekly Failboat

1st Galena 255

Final Edition!

Failboat Doomed! The Weekly Failboat reveals the shocking truth: the fortress of Failboat will soon come to an end. Mayor Datan Onolilral appeared before the people only yesterday to deny rumours of a booze shortage. We can now reveal this to be a bare-faced lie. Sources close to this paper suggest the mayor appeared nervous during his speech yesterday afternoon, frantically twiddling his beard and sweating. Since his address to the fortress, whispers around the halls have grown ever stronger. People openly ask questions to which the answers may be truly terrifying. Why has Endok Inethbubnus the legendary brewer been wandering aimlessly around the halls in recent days? Where are Shem Koganmidor and Lòr Usirmörul? The answers to these questions might turn your beard white. Our story begins with the arrest of planter Sodel Momuzstorlut. From what we can gather, one of the mayor's mandates went unfulfilled and poor Sodel was chosen to face the mayor's wrath. Some of you may know Sodel to be one of our founders, and while she may have done some multitasking in the early days she's been out of the manufacturing game for some time. Quite why the mayor saw fit to have her punished is anyone's guess, but there are rumours he was jealous of her relationship with the architect Kol Ensebavuz. Sheriff Sigun Dakasùshrir has told The Weekly Failboat that the mayor made numerous visits to her cell. Alone. We would never dream of suggesting improper behaviour, but the mayor's actions are baffling. Despite putting Sodel in bondage, the mayor neglected to appoint anyone else to the job of planting and the farm plots went untended for months. To make matters worse brewer Endok Inethbubnus failed to question the sudden cessation of deliveries, which some attribute to his easy access to the alcohol stocks. Sources have noted that he is the only dwarf in the fortress at the moment who still reeks of ale. Subsequent events are still up for debate, but it appears as if rumours of the booze being watered-down were true. An inspection of the journals of Shem -

Koganmidor and Lòr Usirmörul suggest they were tasked with gathering wild plants from which we could brew some precious booze. They were apparently led to believe that the mayor had planned a celebration and desired a greater variety of beverages. Sodel the planter, now a traumatised vegetable, was released from confinement on the same day but failed to return to work on the farms. Her release was clearly a desperate move as the farms wouldn't be productive again for days. It is doubtful she'll ever return to work at all. The mayor's desperate plans may have succeeded were it not for a sudden goblin ambush leading to Shem and Lòr being hacked to pieces. By the time anyone knew about the attack it was too late to do anything about it. The mayor ordered the doors sealed and denied all knowledge of the herbalists' wherabouts. We now know the true story, but we still can't go outside until the goblins are dealt with. The Weekly Failboat approached the mayor for a comment which he declined to give, and warned him that the story would break today. He was last seen locking himself in his office with a crossbow. With the alcohol stocks dry and our friends decaying under the burning sun the people are likely to be outraged. In times of great need we can learn to pull together and overcome our challenges. The question is, will we do it in time? The opinion of this paper is no. A Short History of Failboat The fortress of Failboat began with seven inept dwarves and an empty wagon*. Our great founders arrived at this place ill-equipped for survival, but somehow managed to eke out an existence on the surface with whatever supplies they could gather. They began to hunt. They began to build. Soon they were crafting fabulous treasures to trade with our neighbours, and attracted others to come and live in -

our small village. Migrants were initially hesitant to live as the humans do, but in time they got used to it. Today, less than half of us experienced that harsh existence under the open sky. Eventually we managed to acquire digging tools from our parent civilization and the true fortress was born. In the early days we lost a number of our brothers to giant tiger attacks, but it wasn't long before giant tigers were our most common source of food. We used their bones to make ammunition and our hunters developed a deadly aim. Normality settled in and life continued in a more traditional form until our population reached 102 dwarves. Our success however was not to last. As the term of mayor Onolilral comes to an end, so does the history of our fortress. The editor of The Weekly Failboat has volunteered to leave for the mountainhomes to make sure our story is recorded in the archives. He has taken some supplies and the last of the booze for the trip. We're sure you will all join us in wishing him the best of luck. Urist in Refuse Pile Sex Scandal Shock Horror See page 2 for details Artifact Bone Underwear - Worth The Discomfort? Article on page 2 Urvad Ilidgusil Stonecrafter Shows Off Her Jugs Pics on page 3 FREE Beard Care Kit Voucher Inside!

Disclaimer: Shortly after this edition was printed the population of Failboat fell into mass panic and the resulting riot led the now infamous Failboat massacre. The owners of The Weekly Failboat take no responsibility for the actions of its readers. Our job is simply to report The Truth™ and let the people decide.

* (OOC) An embark with no skilled dwarves or items.

[Greiger]

Ok that was awesome.  I did a few newspaper style posts in the past but I never thought to use that kind of format.

I tip my non-existent hat to you good sir.  I almost forgot I wasn't reading a real newspaper.

[Newbunkle]

Ok that was awesome.  I did a few newspaper style posts in the past but I never thought to use that kind of format.

I tip my non-existent hat to you good sir.  I almost forgot I wasn't reading a real newspaper.

Ah, cheers dude.

[noah22223]

Page 3.
FLIP IT TO PAGE 3!!!