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[lawastooshort]

“Whoa!”

“SHITE!”

“omg!”
FIFTH ANNUAL DWARFFEST
(UK) ENDS IN TRAGEDY:
GOBLIN MURDER HELL
“Arrggggggh!”

A man, mid-twenties,
Runs with crossbow bolt in ribs
Painful scarlet tracks.

“Tho kvulxok varr ko kodoudok!”

Shattering glass as
Thirty foot long crocodile
Enters through window.

“Wo varr karr avai, uvk vo varr kruav avail roukol dho Gloud Taukav!”

Chainmail bodyguards
Spreading around crocodile
Brandish spears of hate.

“Gloud Taukav! Ahuhuhuhuhuhu!”

Hapless bay12er
Grabbed by fierce rider: now she's
Interrogated.

“Wholo ak avail ka-durrok Gloud Taukav? Gloud Taukav! Tuko no da avail roukol! Ehohohohohohoh!”

She stares horrified.
Terrifying crocodile.
Terrifying breath.

“Adh, dhak avo kkoukk va Gakrav. Thoko daark duvvad hork ik. Karr dhon urr! Karr! Mihuhuhuhhuhuh!”

What is Gloud Taukav?
Crocodile’s reins tugged turning
Thrown to floor, disdain.

“Karr dhon urr!”

Futile quest; he leaves.
Spears stabbing, gibbering death.
Who will donate now?

“Aerrgggghhhggh!”

* * * ROLL TO DO A QUEST * * *

Spoiler: FAQ (click to show/hide)

1 – What is it?
You are a Dwarf Fortress aficionado about to be murdered by goblins. You must escape! And then you must do a quest (and I will roll for you to do this quest). Oh yes, and the first four to escape the prologue get into the game. Will you escape by murdering goblins? By murdering and sacrificing your fellow bay 12ers? Or just by fleeing like a joyous gazelle prancing across the steppe?
2 – Will you drop this in a few weeks when you realise you no longer have the time to run a game?
It’s likely, all things considered. Sorry.
3 – Why bother then?
I dunno, can’t help myself? Still, I’m going to try to make it simple and focussed and stuff this time. I might get lucky. I mean, I think, overall, I’m still at a rate of completing about 50% of my games, which is pretty good. In any case, my fever will last at least through the prologue, and then we’ll see how the road trip part goes. Someone else could always do it instead I guess. Heheh.
4 – How do I join?
You copy the character sheet below and post one of the first properly punctuated applications which aren’t stupid. For an example, stating that your real life profession is “ninja” is stupid. Saying it is “fisherman” is not.
5 – What are the rules?
0HP = death.
6 – Is that it?
Yes – keeping track of severed and/or extra limbs is fun, but it’s a lot of work. There will be burning – if you’re on fire, it’ll be bad, and you’ll lose 1HP per turn of burning. Conversely, you will regain HP when you sleep. Also I think I'll let you like fight defensively, or protectively, or rashly. There'll be all this d6 vs d6 business too but really I don't want some scary great mechanics getting in the way of some nice hard RPing so we'll just leave it under the bonnet for now.
7 – What about levelling up and powers and stuff?
Oh yes, there’ll be them. Just not with cooldowns for the work reason mentioned above.
8 – Nudity?
Hell yeah. I mean no, no, of course not.

Spoiler: Sheet (click to show/hide)

Code: (Character sheet) [Select]

[b]Name:[/b] <insert name>
[b]Hitpoints:[/b] <insert a number from 0-5>
[b]Description:[/b] <insert optional description which may have no game effect at all but will at least allow you to demonstrate your mastery of correct punctuation NO WAIT WAIT I LIED you must state your real life profession and what class you would be were you to suddenly and miraculously become a typical fantasy class after like being hit by a meteorite or something>


[lawastooshort]

Prologue Map:

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Name: Stanisław Wieszczak
Hitpoints: 3
Description: Stanisław is just an ordinary 14-year old student in secondary school, or at least he was. He has brown hair, brown eyes and is 6' feet tall. He has glasses, and wears a green hoodie, along with a pair of jeans. He would like to be a sorcerer if he were to ever become a fantasy character.

[Generally me]

Name: Fin Stanvelix
Hitpoints: 3
Description: Small pronounced man in his 30's. He has blue eyes and brown hair and is about average height. He was game keeper before this. He would be an Archer or rogue if he was a fantasy class.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

you must state your real life profession and what class you would be were you to suddenly and miraculously become a typical fantasy class after like being hit by a meteorite or something

Did you not read this?

[Generally me]

you must state your real life profession and what class you would be were you to suddenly and miraculously become a typical fantasy class after like being hit by a meteorite or something

Did you not read this?

Not all of it.

[Ama]

Name: Samuel Ford
Hitpoints: 2
Description: Samuel is a medium height 17-year old student. He has blue eyes, black hair and normally wears shorts, even if it is cold. If he was to become a fantasy character he would like to be a druid, preferably one that can talk with plants or animals.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

you must state your real life profession and what class you would be were you to suddenly and miraculously become a typical fantasy class after like being hit by a meteorite or something

Did you not read this?

Not all of it.

Its ever so slightly important, y'know? You might want to read the full thing.

[Nidilap]

Name: David
Hitpoints: 4
Description: David is a lanky, middle sized, underweight guy who enjoys his days by doodling and procrastinating. Had he been a class, he'd be a WIZARD NECROMANCER

[NAV]

Name: Navarro Slevin
Hitpoints: 4
Description: Nav is a 19 year old assistant scuba instructor. He is tall and muscular with brown hair, brown eyes, and a brown beard. He's wearing glasses, a leather jacket, blue jeans, and work boots.
If he was a fantasy character, he would like to be a battlemage, focusing on defense and buffs.

[Urist Arrhenius]

Name: Svante Rudbeck
Hitpoints: 3
Description: Svante is a physical chemist, and would certainly be a caster of some sort in a more magicky world.

[Harry Baldman]

Name: Robbie Jensen
Hitpoints: 1
Description: Robbie's a mild-mannered university student who'd probably turn into some variation of cleric if he were to be struck by a meteorite and survive.

[Demonic Spoon]

Eh, let's live dangerously, surely nothing bad could happen if I were to grab the max of five hitpoints! Of course the gm wouldn't be planning to punish greedy players!

Name: Maxwell Osborn
Hitpoints: 5
Description: Maxwell is a chronic professional Narcoleptic. If he were to gain some sort of fantasy class it would definitely be that of a NECROMANCER, no wait, I mean MIND CONTROLLER, DREAM WIZARD, ahem Illusionist. Yes, a master of summoning Illusions, that's what he'd be.

[Delekates]

Name: Delekates
Hitpoints: 4 is enough for me.
Description: I am 21y.o, hotel admin, so if i would become something weird, occasionally, I would prefer to be one of the shinigami from Bleach.

[lawastooshort]

*~*Turn 1*~*

Survivors: barely
Eight huddle together and
Bad goblins advance.

The very middle
Of the central room is where
They await their doom.

Up is North. The first four players to escape the convention centre will proceed to the main quest. New players can join until a certain point. A move of average difficulty is 10 squares per turn. The central room is littered with various tables and laptops and bodies. You are all in the centre-ish of this central room on a floor-coloured mat with a red border surrounded by a circle of 12 goblins who are staring at you in an unpleasant fashion and carrying spears.

Need it haiku style?
Limited attention span?
You in square! Escape!

Spoiler: Sheets – Incidentally, I’d prefer if you post speech in a colour so everything is nice and pretty (click to show/hide)

Name: Stanisław Wieszczak, student-sorcerer (BlitzDungeoneer)
Hitpoints: 3
Status: Surrounded by goblins

Name: Fin Stanvelix, game keeper-archer-rogue (Generally me)
Hitpoints: 3
Status: Surrounded by goblins

Name: Samuel Ford, student-druid (Ama)
Hitpoints: 2
Status: Surrounded by goblins

Name: David, procrastinator-necromancer (Nidilap)
Hitpoints: 4
Status: Surrounded by goblins

Name: Navarro Slevin, assistant scuba instructor-defensive battlemage (NAV)
Hitpoints: 4
Status: Surrounded by goblins

Name: Svante Rudbeck, physical chemist-caster (Urist Arrhenius)
Hitpoints: 3
Status: Surrounded by goblins

Name: Robbie Jensen, university student-cleric (HB)
Hitpoints: 1
Status: Surrounded by goblins

Name: Maxwell Osborn, narcoleptic-illusionist (Demonic Spoon)
Hitpoints: 5
Status: Surrounded by goblins

Name: Delekates, hotel admin-shinigami (I have no idea what this is so am assuming it is some kind of paper squid weredemon – I could google it, but I can’t yet, perhaps I will get the chance/remember before you level up and it is actually important, or perhaps you will develop into a paper squid weredemon) (Delekates)
Hitpoints: 4 is enough for him/her
Status: Surrounded by goblins.