I've watched a few mins of it (sorry, I'm not very interested in the topic).
You are speaking in a loud and clear manner. Which is great.
The audio quality is great and at a constant volume. Which is awesome.
These two things are very important (too me anyway)!
I believe you are speaking fast enough. Since YT supports changing the speed of playback, this probably isn't an issue anyway.
However, I like faster explanations and I'm a generally knowledgeable technical person. Newbies might want you speaking a bit slower or with longer pauses.
What I like when viewing coding lessons is the zoom feature of the recording software. So, when you switch tabs/windows or start typing/selecting an option from a dropdown menu, the recording software adapts. It zooms into the options in the dropdown menu. When you start typing/coding, it zooms in as well.
I miss this here.
Your LP commentary seems fine. You talk enough. But having more reactions to the game could be beneficial/make you more interesting.
It depends whether you want to be a more serious & informative guy, or the entertaining guy.
I've never watched your videos, I don't know your YT channel, nor do you know you as a person. I believe your videos are slightly above-average or thereabouts. You still need to differentiate yourself from other LPers, but you could have a future in this.