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[Romegypt]

So, at a new years eve church dance, I was bored at the end. So I went in and started playing the piano. A girl and her friend came in and listened for a while, but eventually I went back inside the gym for the countdown. After that, everyone was rushing to pop balloons that had money in them, so I just went and played the piano to wait for it to end. Now I like girls a lot, and I like dancing, I just wasn't feeling it this particular dance. Anyways, the girl came back in (She was hoping to find me there as I later found out) And asked for my number. We talked over the [hone a lot, but have only seen each other in person 3 or 4 times. She admitted she liked me and would be my girlfriend when she turned 16 (I'm 17 she's fifteen). I like her a lot too. Her name is Allison.

Problem is: Her dad is a lawyer, and doesn't get to spend much time with their family, so he is thinking of moving to D.C. to get a job that pays less but he would get less hours. The already applied for the job, but hasn't received word back. I just found out yesterday that they might be moving.

I'm not really sure if I just like or, or actually love her now. I had a dream that night that they ended up moving, and I woke up crying for some reason. I really like being around her, and can't stop thinking about her. Is this normal love, or just an obsessive crush?

[Bauglir]

It's a crush, at least by how I understand the terms. You cannot possibly know her well enough to love her, and it sounds as though your feelings are driven by a sense of needing her. The important thing to grasp here is that the whole feeling is centered on your feelings, and emphasizing the other person's feelings is a key component of love, as I understand the word. That is, if you loved her, you wouldn't mind her leaving so much if it made her happy; and, conversely, if you were unhappy about losing her it would be because of what it does to her as much as what it does to you.

Now, the thing is, I don't think "just" a crush is a sensible concept. There's powerful feelings there, and quite frankly there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing magically better about love. And combined with love it's a big component of what goes into building a successful romance. Each feeling can carry you through the moments when the other fades, and when they're both present at once it can be a pretty amazing experience. So while I'd say you've got a crush, I don't think you should belittle that feeling.

As for how to handle things if she has to leave, that's a different thing I suppose. This answer probably won't help you with that.

[scrdest]

There really isn't much of a concrete border. Especially since, depending on the individual, your brain may be in the phase where it likes to fuck with you emotionally. As with most things, the rule of thumb is: 'am I being a creepy asshole about this?'. With reciprocity, probably not.

The other thing is whether you're being rational about it - which seems weird talking about emotions, but what I mean is basically - do you actually care about *this actual person*? People far too often, instead of caring about a person, use that particular bipedal sack of organic matter as a screen onto which their ideas and simplified perceptions of that person are projected and direct their feelings at that image. Which is ever so slightly emotionally immature.

[4maskwolf]

It's a crush, at least by how I understand the terms. You cannot possibly know her well enough to love her, and it sounds as though your feelings are driven by a sense of needing her. The important thing to grasp here is that the whole feeling is centered on your feelings, and emphasizing the other person's feelings is a key component of love, as I understand the word. That is, if you loved her, you wouldn't mind her leaving so much if it made her happy; and, conversely, if you were unhappy about losing her it would be because of what it does to her as much as what it does to you.

This is pretty much my response to the whole thing.  It's a crush, but a crush isn't a bad thing to have by itself in the beginning.  It isn't really important which one it is in the long run, it means that you care about the person.

[Romegypt]

I most certainly care about her feelings. I make sure I'm not going to hurt her in any way before I do something that could affect her. And she really does not want to leave, as she likes me back.

[LordBucket]

Is this normal love, or just an obsessive crush?

Why do you need other people to validate your feelings? Your feelings are what they are. Asking strangers on the internet to give them a label is unlikely to help you.

Problem is: Her dad is a lawyer, and doesn't get to spend much time with their family, so he is thinking of moving to D.C. to get a job that pays less but he would get less hours. The already applied for the job, but hasn't received word back. I just found out yesterday that they might be moving.

Reading between the lines, I gather that you're seeking input as to whether you "should" let her go if she moves, or if you "should" move the heaven and earth to be with her, be it leaving the state to follow her, or ask her to stay here with you.

I strongly advise that you don't let strangers on the internet make this decision for you. Ask your own heart. Yes, emotions can be new and confusing. Yes, hormones are a thing.  But I have often found that people who have experienced these things once and lived to tell about it tend to be unreasonably dismissive of love and passion in others.

Among the worst advice I've ever been given is "don't worry about it. In a few years you'll have forgotten all about her."

If you choose to move heaven and earth for love, there is beauty in that. Yes, it's also true that your perspective will grow in time. And maybe you lack perspective now. Mistakes might be made. It happens. And sometime people who hurl themselves into adventure meet with unfortunate ends. Maybe you'll chase after this and regret it the rest of your life. Or maybe this is the love of your life and the two of you will be happy forever. Or maybe this is the love of your life and you'll let her go and spend the rest of your life regretting and wondering what might have been. Or maybe you'll fall in love and she'll abandon you and you'll suffer for the rest of your life. Or maybe you'll confuse love with sex, get her pregnant and ruin both your lives.

I'm not being dramatic here. These things do happen. Which possibilities are relevant here, for you? I don't know. None of us do.

Strangers on the internet can't answer this question for you.

Ask your own heart. But also ask your common sense. If both these two things agree with each other,then great. Ignore everyone and everything in the entire world and do what you feel and believe is right. If they disagree...then caution is in order. Sometimes a heart will advise doing foolish and dangerous things. Sometimes common sense will advise taking an excessively pessimistic path, and giving up much in the process. Timidity does not accomplish great things. Bold adventurers accomplish great things, but being an adventurer isn't always fun. If you take the bold path, be prepared to walk through fire. And if you take the timid path, be prepared to live your entire life not knowing what might have been.


Also, you could of course talk to her about it.

[Trapezohedron]

If both of you like each other enough I suggest asking her out?

Seriously, what you're feeling right now can be answered by only you alone. Never ask a book how to interpret your dreams; you alone know what you know and that book is bullshit anyway.

[GoblinCookie]

I'm not really sure if I just like or, or actually love her now. I had a dream that night that they ended up moving, and I woke up crying for some reason. I really like being around her, and can't stop thinking about her. Is this normal love, or just an obsessive crush?

No such difference. 

[Romegypt]

We are already boyfriend/girlfriend. At least, when she turns sixteen.

Sex is off the table until I am married.

 I was wondering what other people thought.

[nenjin]

We are already boyfriend/girlfriend. At least, when she turns sixteen.

Sex is off the table until I am married.

 I was wondering what other people thought.

I think you're making a long-term commitment emotionally to someone who might disappear halfway across the country.

Young love is great and all, but it's just that: young love. To say you know what love is at this age....some people do marry their first sweetheart. They also often get divorced in a few years because neither side was really prepared for a relationship.

I don't want to tell you that your relationship with this chick isn't genuine. But you have no real experience in love either. So consider that. Everyone's first relationships are heady times. But the deeper you let yourself get invested in the relationship, the crazier you will get when/if things don't work out. People also can dramatically change their minds about what they like, don't like, or want though their teenage years.

There's a reason older people who are dating are careful with the L word. It's not something to be used lightly.

[LordBucket]

some people do marry their first sweetheart.

They also often get divorced in a few years because neither side was really prepared for a relationship.

And some people let their first sweetheart go. And then end up marrying not for love, but for practicality. Not someone who stirs fire in the heart so intense it threatens to consume them. Not someone who keeps them awake at night in both terror and yearning. Instead, someone who is stable, dependable, a good father or mother, and safe.

“The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.”
 -- Lao Tzu

Conversely:

"The flame that burns twice as long, burns half as bright."


Which would you prefer?

Choose wisely.

[Bauglir]

Oh, and for whatever it does in terms of clarity, love can easily develop over time, regardless of the presence of a crush. That there isn't one now means nothing. I'm not one to say it doesn't exist at all, but "love at first sight" is not really standard or a reasonable definition of what actually constitutes love. I don't know enough about you or her to tell you what to do, or to offer meaningful, practical advice. What I can say is that you should at least consider - how would you advise a stranger over the Internet to act if they posted your story?

As far as my (entirely arbitrary) definitions go, ask yourself - are you motivated by what you feel?

[Neonivek]

Love at first sight is probably something I'd say exists but isn't something you should look for.

Since Love at First Sight (the love equivalent of "fast friends") isn't any stronger or purer then a love you have to cultivate over years.

But whether it is love at first sight or not you still have to put the work in

The difference between love and a crush mean so little at the start of a relationship.

[TempAcc]

From personal experience, you'll only ever find out by starting a relationship or at the very least getting to know her better over a longer period of time.

Love is something that is developed and cultivated, and not some magical force that sustains itself like tons of young adult fiction writers like to pretend it is. A crush can develop into love, just as love can decay and die if its not nurtured by both parties. Maintaining an unreciprocated feeling over a long time can easily lead to sickness though, so if you cannot develop a relationship to her, then you should work on moving on.

Love at first sight is a reality, but its not something you should nurture if its not reciprocated.

[HeroPizza42]

My response wont be long but go for it get to know each other no rush if its meant to be it will happen in its own time good luck.