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Wait a year for winter and attempt an ocean crossing to Elf island

Head to the Southwestern Savannah / Unknown Civilizations beyond

[NW_Kohaku]

Bay12: A dozen posts have been spent theorizing ways a dwarf can identify what the material an elf's underwear is made of without eyesight.

I largely suspect this is an oversight that blind Dwarves can identify everything, including things like skin, hair and eye colour. Or maybe Dwarves just have ways, like martial trances, or bookkeepers, to know things just because they can. Granted, blind Dwarves can see everything on the tile they're standing on, to simulate being able to 'see' objects and such through touch. The implication being, the longer Cog stays in any one elven retreat, the greater the odds of him being arrested by an administrator for sexual harassment.

Since you've mentioned it, I can't help but notice that Cog described that his new friend Quathari wears ramie underwear.  Maybe this is one of those "You have ruined me for marriage, you must take responsibility!" type of companionship deals?

[Proudnerd]

Sigging this.

Bins stacked full of mangoes were laid out in rows. On further inspection of the market, Cog came to the realization that everything was mangoes.

I couldn't stop laughing at that entire post. Fantastic idea and very good writing. Ill be keeping up with Cog's adventure.

[Loud Whispers]

Nice to know Bay12 likes my mangoes.

Since you've mentioned it, I can't help but notice that Cog described that his new friend Quathari wears ramie underwear.  Maybe this is one of those "You have ruined me for marriage, you must take responsibility!" type of companionship deals?

Spoiler: THIS IS NOT CANON ಠ_ಠ (click to show/hide)

Argentinian elves. Banker elves. Argentinian banker elves.
THE FORESTS MUST BURN.

Wait, what's wrong with Argentinian elves? I mean for the elves, I can see why the Argentinians wouldn't want to associate with smelly tree people.

HUE HUE HUE HUE

At any rate, Cog has since moved on so the mango bankers shan't be burnt. Wouldn't even know how to do it if I wanted to, and was there, now that I think about it. Does setting fire to trees work differently in new DF? I wonder...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So Cog continued northwards, Onget killed two honey badgers along the way, and there was a brief stop for rest at the last forest retreat within a day's walking distance. The Elves here didn't really have much to do either. No wonder Quarithi was so bored. I highly suspect the Elves are also not at the top of the food pyramid here... I think this is why they don't sleep on the forest floor.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cog was also slightly confused when he found another Quarithi, though this one did not care to join him on his adventure, content with gardening amongst the treetop.
Around this time I also wondered if a blind Dwarf could walk on the treetop without having to cling onto the tree's branches for dear life. And so, with some worry... Cog let go of the tree.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Comfortingly, Cog didn't plummet to his death. He also got a good look of the Elves' idea of a treehouse.

It isn't a treehouse.

It's just a tree.

They left before dusk to a chorus of pansy elves all corroborating "DON'T TRAVEL ALONE AT NIGHT" to which Cog replied "I don't care one way or another." And he drank some honey badger black pudding brewed in an elven barrel he pilfered from an abandoned elf market. And left into the night. Besides, there were three of them, that was far away from alone enough.

Right now Cog is in a Forest Retreat called Sparklelens, a fair bit north of Plaitstaves. Interestingly the market in Plaitstaves was empty, but the one in Sparklelens has a wide variety of tropical fruit (lychees, coconuts, dates and mangoes) - with some of those fruit coming from Plaitstaves. Their wealth flows north, with exception to mango town. Also interesting is that their markets are paved with rock, but the Elves show no other signs of masonry or stone craftship. I highly suspect that the Elves have had collaborations with Dwarven masons a long time ago, or the Elves grew their forest retreats upon the remains of some older civilization.

As for Cog's inventory:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cog sadly can't afford any of the new fruits because they feasted on most of the honey badger since the meat was just slowing them down. Cog may by a lychee or two before moving on.

[Alfrodo]

That barrel looks like it might weigh Cog down.  24 pounds (12 kilograms) is alot when you're traveling.

Dump it onto the elf.

You could also probably sell the mango pit with the rock to get one mango.

also, why are you carrying around that scale?

[NW_Kohaku]

If sharpened rocks have any value at all, can't you just set a macro patiently show off to the elves the diligence and craftsdwarfship of the dwarves to buy as many mangoes as you want?

(Also, can't you just steal find some elf clothes to sell back to the elves?)

[Max™]

Yes... forests are very flammable... inflammable as well: http://imgur.com/a/rx5x7

[Loud Whispers]

That barrel looks like it might weigh Cog down.  24 pounds (12 kilograms) is alot when you're traveling.

It seems to be all right as long as Cog's not carrying any honey badger meat stacks. Though I suppose he could carry more food it he dropped the barrel.

Dump it onto the elf.

Hahahaha, this isn't a bad idea. Quarithi's quite the chatterbox, maybe Elves get hyperactive when they aren't carrying bins full of cloth; a mango barrel full of stuff should be similar enough. Though I do worry about what could happen should Quarithi lose the barrel...

You could also probably sell the mango pit with the rock to get one mango.
also, why are you carrying around that scale?

A souvenir from the mountainhome. It was taken from a Kingsnake, killed immediately after leaving the Fortress of Syrupknives. The mango pit is a souvenir from the Elven mango market. One of the long-term goals is to get a souvenir from every civilization across the world; each representing something of their home. The snake's scale was broken with a Dwarven warhammer, and the last of thing of the mountainhome that Cog was to see. The mango pit was taken from one of the mangoes of the mango market, representing the elves who loved their mangoes above all else.

Yes... forests are very flammable... inflammable as well: http://imgur.com/a/rx5x7

Good to know, this information could come in handy later on.
Bogeymen can burn, can't they?

If sharpened rocks have any value at all, can't you just set a macro patiently show off to the elves the diligence and craftsdwarfship of the dwarves to buy as many mangoes as you want?
(Also, can't you just steal find some elf clothes to sell back to the elves?)

I admittedly tried peddling many authentic dwarven rocks to the Elves in exchange for fruit, but alas, they do not appreciate true craftsdwarfship when they see it. As for elf clothes, I'm too nervous to climb trees looking for elf clothes since a blind dwarf walking atop branches with a long drop down does not a safe dwarf make. I'm also mostly certain that stealing their clothes while they're still wearing them may constitute an act of war.

[DG]

The Confusion of Slapping was waged by the Denuded Flowers on the Sightless Rock. One of the most significant causes of the conflict was a dispute over clothing.

[Max™]

Hmmm, do you know how many elven queens on whom I've performed dentistry, rhinoplasty, opthamology, uh... auroplasty(?), and corrective surgeries involving the complete removal of arms and legs?

Lots, in the process of trying to get them to grovel and accept me as their master or start a war I tend to peg other elves with the clothes and bodyparts of their queen, no wars yet.

I once traded the sword an elven diplomat was carrying for the body of his queen and their acolyte, then grabbed the acolyte body back and you know what he did?

He tried to hit me with the body of his deceased monarch.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Elves aren't as easy to anger as you might think.

[Authority2]

 ptw

[Akura]

I am really enjoying Cog's tale.

Lots, in the process of trying to get them to grovel and accept me as their master or start a war I tend to peg other elves with the clothes and bodyparts of their queen, no wars yet.

"Oh hey, I have an article of clothing from the late queen! I'm gonna be famous!"

"So what, I've got the queen's severed finger lodged in my eye! How famous do you think I'll be?"


I think murdering their ruler also puts you in a position of authority within that civ. You kill it, you bought it sort of deal.

[Max™]

Sadly no. I've gone through an entire family line, grandmother, mother, daughter, sister, after that point they just said they didn't know who the ruler was.

Also I really want someone to make fan-art of Cog that explains how he knows exactly what kind of underwear the guy who sold him the mangoes wore, right down to the fabric.

*Cog stumbles over, bumps into him and ends up on the ground between his legs, he starts running his fingers up the guys pants, picking over the inseam, gently caressing the fabric... the elf is standing there with a look of terror and unease on his face, like you would have if a gorilla sat in your lap and started feeling you up*

"How much longer will this go on, is he... oh god he's checking out my underwear, all I know right now is, I'm pretty sure I'm about to get killed by this crazy blind dwarf, but he does have remarkably soft hands."

[NW_Kohaku]

Elves aren't as easy to anger as you might think.

Must be all the "hemp" they're growing for "fabrics"...

[Max™]

Duuuuuude....

[Calidovi]

I think murdering their ruler also puts you in a position of authority within that civ. You kill it, you bought it sort of deal.

You walk in, kill the ruler, and everyone hails you as ruler other than those that saw you kill said ruler.

Then the spitting commences.