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[Dampe]

I was going to title the post "Sh*t NPCs say," but that seemed a little iffy for a thread title.
So I just thought people could post the weirdest, funniest, or just plain stupid things NPCs have said to them here.
It was inevitable.
I'll start us off.

[Max™]

Hoooo-kaaayyyy, good luck with that Mr. Crazy.


Mayor: *waggles eyebrows*
Me: *looks uncomfortable*


Actually no, I haven't... lay it on me.


I asked her to keep her trog quiet before we got found by a goblin patrol... but it wasn't a troglodyte... IT WAS A BABY!


So I guess this is what they mean by "spitting mad" then?


^Look closely at who is asking the questions there.

[vjmdhzgr]

I don't have a screenshot of it, but I've gotten several:"In a time before time, I attacked me."

[Adragis]

I don't know how to screencap without having to crop a bunch of images.
I did once have someone ask me to slay a rabbit. It had once killed a man apparently.

[Max™]

I don't know how to screencap without having to crop a bunch of images.
I did once have someone ask me to slay a rabbit. It had once killed a man apparently.

[Adragis]

I saw that coming a mile off

[Dampe]

I did once have someone ask me to slay a rabbit. It had once killed a man apparently.

It could have been a very large rabbit, or a very tiny man.
Either way, Toady needs to implement Holy Hand Grenades in the next update.

[Pencil_Art]

Well, at least I can now understand some of those references my friend says randomly from Monty Python.

[Paaaad]

Farmer (To Drunk): Months ago,Thruni Olivecradled became lady of The Group of Sheens, replacing Lipi Shakenguises. I hear she has a real mean streak.

[King_of_Baboons]

Farmer (To Drunk): Months ago,Thruni Olivecradled became lady of The Group of Sheens, replacing Lipi Shakenguises. I hear she has a real mean streak.

Ladies and gentleman,I present to you the most sexual thing said by a DF NPC in the  history of dwarfness

[Max™]

Uhhh... I posted this above, but keep in mind it was one of three dorfs in an otherwise empty fort, the other two were nowhere in sight, and then she says this (and I checked and she did indeed have romance female in her orientation) which I find it hard to read as anything but she just hit on me:

[Klisz]

A great beast threatens to bring ruin upon our people. Furnaceflicker is in The Forest of Packing. Seek this place of you hunt Ertal Glowhot the Parched Fire-Furnace the dragon. Knowing no mercy, Ertal stole a yak horn figurine! This vile fiend has even killed eighty-two in his lust for murder!

This king has his priorities straight.

[ZM5]

I posted this in another thread already, but I once came across a Coyote Man and decided to talk with him.

Hmm.

[vjmdhzgr]

[Max™]

"I am separated from so-and-so!"
'That's terrible, can you tell me about who they are, maybe I can find them?'
"Oh I don't know them."
>.>



Also this is only funny due to my context:


It was a counter-insurrection against a conquering power which I walked in on, looked like yakety sax with occasional murders as they ran back and forth past me, the place ended up soaked with blood, sweat, and vomit. Various people standing around talking about how they attacked themselves.

I decided to interpret it as:
Surgeon: "An hour ago I slipped in a puddle of gore and elbowed myself in the eye."
Gelder: "It was inevitable."