Teach you how to spell "learn"
[6] Your lessons are so strenuous that you develop a migraine. Good luck with that. ((If you weren't joking, I actually do know that it's "learn" and not "lern", I just thought it would be funnier))
Take us all back in time to the first post.
[2] You try, but you can't seem to get a grip on the timestream.
Say sorry for the harsh words to the beatiful and... Wow, she's a beauty! Uh, well, your grace- I mean- You- you're a good leader, I'm just angry at Paul's treason.
[5] She's very flattered by your advances and offers the aid of her and her people against this clearly monstrous person you call "Paul" who would commit treason on someone as personable as you. Since clearly you're the leader of your people and you're not trying to convince her that Paul lives in her kingdom and is committing treason against her. It would be very ineffective treason given that she's never heard of him.
Tell Jeffiroth (JEFFIROTH!) that Vexen, Lexaeus and Xaldin are at it again in the form of a giant pineapple.
[1] "What? Who? Never heard of those guys before" He also thinks you're dumb for making up three names that all have X's, and yes, he can tell.
Just get to the accusers and show them the video.
[3] What accuser? There's no accusation, it is clear to everyone you're crazy. Of course, when you show them the video they are pretty unmoved.
"What am I looking at here? Looks like a bunch of nutters praying to a pineapple"
Flee with the wallet of Adragis!
[6] You flee, then stumble and hit your head on a rock. You are dead.
Sell my soul to the devil in exchange for becoming an eldritch horror!
[4] You are now an eldritch horror with a name no mortal can pronounce. Of course, now the devil has your soul and if you die (again, or for the first time, I can't keep track anymore) you will immediately go TO HELL
Convince Paul that he is a fictional character made by forumites on the Bay12 Forums. The revelation will drive him mad.
[5] You tell him and he goes mad, because he's been on those forums and knows what kind of bizarre stuff they come up with.