Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Ardent Debater]

Hmm, Become a Mighty Wizard to prove my Divinity!

[Adragis]

become JEFFIROTH (JEFFIROTH)

[Aslandus]

I become Paul's guardian spirit.

[1] You can't become Paul's guardian spirit because you have lost your will. You move on to the afterlife. Or in your case, the after-after-after-after-after-after-after-after-after-afterlife.

Lock this thread

[4] You did it! Congrats! You locked this piece of thread you found on the ground:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Lock this thread

Assist

[2] Your hand slipped and you couldn't help him lock up that thread

Jump on a convenient motorcycle and go to consult the Oracle!

[5] You ride off in style and ask the oracle for directions, she says:

"To solve this problem and fix space-time, you must go back to the place it began and do what must be done: finish eating that pineapple before it got turned into a stitched up monster"

GASP
"But... but... but Paul's a cool guy! He's actually really nice! None of this stuff was his fault! Well... not directly... kinda..."
>Ask the Oracle just how, if I were to hypothetically try and travel through time to complete this plan, would I do so?

[3] "You would try, but you would come up short. Best leave it to the professional pineapple eaters."

Increase the happiness of the berry people since the strawberry queen seems to be anti-utilitarianism.

[4] Paul is confused as to why the Berry people would hate them, the berry people don't even know he exists. Well, he certainly hopes they don't know he exists, those guys have some hardcore military power.

GO BACK IN TIME EVEN FUTHER TO INVESTIGATE THE OTHER INQUISITOR'S POSSIBLE HERESY

[4] You go back in time and find that he was fighting a chaos beast and got infested, now he is working to bring down the order from within. Of course, getting anyone to believe you will take some doing since you are already a known agent of the chaos. Also, you're a ghost, that will also make it harder.

Fine, Paul! If you don't wanna see me, I'll just go see another pineapple! With Blackjack and Hookers!

[5] Yeah, all the blackjack and hookers. Not just pineapple hookers, because that would be weird. You get a new Pineapple who's name is Pual, and he's WAY better than Paul! His face is drawn in dry-erase marker, not sharpie! Much better!

"Oh Great Paul! The Berry People doubt your divinity! Rain fire on these heretics! Purge the unbelievers!"

[6] Yeah! You'll bombard them with fire! Take that, water-based fruit peoples! Oh No! Now they're raisin people! It's worse than night of the living dead in here!

Hmm, Become a Mighty Wizard to prove my Divinity!

[6] You become the mightiest Wizard, don your robe and wizard hat, and are burned at the stake for witchcraft. Stupid inquisition, and their witch-burning ways.

become JEFFIROTH (JEFFIROTH)

[2] You fail to become Jeffiroth, you are just the same sad person you were before. Only more sad now that you have failed to become JEFFIROTH.

[origamiscienceguy]

Quit the game

[Sl4cker]

Quit the game

Assist

[Yoink]

Have a whinge at the Oracle for being so bloody cryptic.
Then... jump on my motorbike and go on an epic journey to track down a rag-tag team of professional pineapple eaters, I guess.

If there even is such a thing.

[poketwo]

FIND OUT WHERE THEY GOT THE ACCUSATIONS OF ME BEING A AGENT OF THE RUINOUS POWERS. I'M NOT THAT CRAZY TO WORSHIP THEM

[Nidilap]

Okay Pual, now it's time to make an alliance with the RAISIN PEOPLE

[Ardent Debater]

I'm the Mightiest Wizard who ever lived, I just Come back and smite them! And then recruit more Cultists.

[Ama]

Disguise myself as a raisin person and attempt to create a resistance group against the Strawberry Queen.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Reincarnate as a new living being

[Adragis]

Jump up and down

[Lyeos]

Jump up and down

Introduce this man or woman to Jeffiroth! (JEFFIROTH!)

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Obtain a submachine gun

[Aslandus]

Quit the game

[3] You walk away from the game. It's still running and people are still playing, but have decided to leave.

Quit the game

Assist

[1] You accidentally execute that one program on your computer, which you've nicknamed "Suicide.exe". Your computer deletes its own operating system from the kernel up and you have to take it to a specialist to get it repaired.

Have a whinge at the Oracle for being so bloody cryptic.
Then... jump on my motorbike and go on an epic journey to track down a rag-tag team of professional pineapple eaters, I guess.

If there even is such a thing.

[2] Someone stole your motorbike! Dammit!

FIND OUT WHERE THEY GOT THE ACCUSATIONS OF ME BEING A AGENT OF THE RUINOUS POWERS. I'M NOT THAT CRAZY TO WORSHIP THEM

[5] They tell you that it was because you came in here raving about pineapples and flying robots and psychic powers when clearly those aren't at work here. It's not that you are a chaos agent, they just think you're batshit crazy. Given recent events they'll let you off with a warning, but you're going to be reassigned to a... less problematic sector, at least for now. Also, you're a ghost, but they're willing to talk it out anyway.

Okay Pual, now it's time to make an alliance with the RAISIN PEOPLE

[5] Yes! An alliance, the perfect way to join the powers! Wait, what kind of alliance? Just a nonaggression pact or some kind of political marriage or maybe some kind of blood rite to the god of fruit? Not sure what era of alliances we're shooting for here...

I'm the Mightiest Wizard who ever lived, I just Come back and smite them! And then recruit more Cultists.

[2] No you don't, because you're actually a fraud. It was all illusions and you believed your own lies. With this revelation you're now a sad ghost, whereas before you were just a ghost.

Disguise myself as a raisin person and attempt to create a resistance group against the Strawberry Queen.

[2] Your costume gets all wet and the raisin people get suspicious. It's especially bad since you made it out of paper and it started falling off. They know who you are now! Run for the hills!

Reincarnate as a new living being

[4] You are now more alive than you were before, congradzulations. You incarnate as a large badger, due to lack of specificity.

Jump up and down

[2] Ugh, really shouldn't have eaten those six chili dogs on the way to the party. You need to sit down for awhile.

Jump up and down

Introduce this man or woman to Jeffiroth! (JEFFIROTH!)

[4] You find the real JEFFIROTH! and introduce him to Adragis, since they're clearly a fan.

Obtain a submachine gun

[4] You get a submachine gun from... secret places... It's better if you don't ask too many questions, for the sake of your health and safety.