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[Harry Baldman]

If you don't have, like, 20 or more suggesters, not really any point to prove your counting skills.

Stop!

...

Continue! Try to express the ancient ethics of the people of Skara Brae in as wordlessly poetic a fashion as possible.

[lawastooshort]

Without any warning, you stop your harmonious growl, and Debbie too stops her pulsating highland moan, and Quebecca becomes your focus as you both watch her remove her shoes, and then her socks, and then her skirt, and she doesn't stop removing clothing as Harun keeps on peltering away on the cricket bat; a contemplative rhythm, but behind which you can sense tension – it's insistent, and Quebecca gets to her feet and stands between the three of you, and as she does, completely silent, you notice the mother of the young family nearby turn her kids round and start packing up the picnic, and Debbie starts to kazoo hard.

The three of you have eschewed words so far in your career together, but you can kind of tell behind the slow whine of the kazoo that Debbie's got verbalised thoughts coming through on this – you can't quite make them out yet, but you can feel them, man.

You feel them enough to stop stopping, and it's almost like a vision of the past comes roaring at you – indeed, it's like it totally comes roaring through you, man, like, you can almost feel how the ancient stones kind of formulated the living spaces and thus the day to day values of the folk who lives up there in Skara Brae way back when... All, honest, it was... Shit yes, you roar – there's no fixed words now: how could you express such a deep truth with words?

This sound is just poetry, even if it sounds almost as educational as Time Team or something like that, it's like archaeological funk, in a way – it's beautiful.

You focus on Quebecca's silence, with Debbie's kazoo rhythm in one ear, and Harun's percussion in the other, and you roar.

Then two cops roll up on their cop bicycles.

”Come on love, get some clothes on or we're gonna have to take you down the station. It's a public space here.”

It seems they're addressing Quebs.

Spoiler: Current Band Status (click to show/hide)

Current band members:
Nigel, Competent Vocalist
Quebecca, Competent Silenceist
Bagpipes Debbie, Adequate Bagpiper and Adequate Kazooist
Harun, Competent Cricket Bat Player, Dabbling Tambourinest and Dabbling Rugby Player
Current key influences: the death growl, silence, Scotland, Peruvian Cricket Music

[Playergamer]

Yell at him about free speech.

[monk12]

Yell at him about free speech.

+1

You can't jail art!

[Funk]

Yell at him about free speech.

+1

You can't jail art!

+1

[Harry Baldman]

Yell at him about free speech.

+1

You can't jail art!

+1

+1. You can jail art, but that just makes it, like, more legit.

[freeformschooler]

Yell at him about free speech.

+1

You can't jail art!

+1

+1. You can jail art, but that just makes it, like, more legit.

+1 Freezed peaches

You have no idea how excited I am about a new lawas adventure.

[lawastooshort]

You have no idea how excited I am about a new lawas adventure.

Me too! Going to try to update tomorrow, I am too busy eating cheese right now.

edit: oh crap no I lied, I could do both.

[lawastooshort]

In extremis – viz. a lack of male clothing on a weekend day – Quebs has become a nudist, and her silent performance is becoming dangerously aggressive, staring at the bike cops with an intensity that can only be interpreted in one way: a declaration of armed rebellion!

You move to defuse the tension quick, spinning round to the band as the cops descend from their bikes, hands on holsters, moving towards the collective. You look significantly at Harun, who drops his cricket bat and starts up a steady, jangling beat on his tambourine; you glance deeply at Debbie, who puts her bagpipes to her mouth and begins to pump, begins to squeeze, begins to build up a bass like some kind of synthetic highlands disco from a 1700s future, but sort of quieter, at least it feels that way compared to you, because you, you let out a deathgrowl that seems like it physically does radiation to your throat lining, just not as much as it damages the eardrums of those oppressing bastards with their guns and mountain bikes and defibrillators -

”FREE!”

One round of bagpipes; two round of bagpipes;

”SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCH!”

One round of bagpipes; two round of bagpipes:

”FREEE!”

The cops dive for cover behind their bicycles, guns whipped out as they fly almost in slow motion towards the ground.

”SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHH!”

Quebecca seems to stand there even harder than before, if possible, standing there, being totally silent at the pigs even as they train their guns at her.

”FREEE!”

They can't take this level of silence: they're going to break. They're going to have to take Quebs down.

One round of bagpipes; two round of bagpipes...

Spoiler: Current Band Status (click to show/hide)

Current band members:
Nigel, Competent Vocalist
Quebecca, Competent Silenceist
Bagpipes Debbie, Adequate Bagpiper and Adequate Kazooist
Harun, Competent Cricket Bat Player, Dabbling Tambourinest and Dabbling Rugby Player
Current key influences: the death growl, silence, Scotland, Peruvian Cricket Music, Oppression

[Playergamer]

We will go down heroes! FREE SPEECH, FREE EXPRESSION!

[monk12]

No! We cannot let perhaps the most talented member of our band (besides ourselves) be laid low in this manner!

Dramatically dive in front of Quebs, human shield style!

[Funk]

No! We cannot let perhaps the most talented member of our band (besides ourselves) be laid low in this manner!

Dramatically dive in front of Quebs, human shield style!

+1

[Harry Baldman]

No! We cannot let perhaps the most talented member of our band (besides ourselves) be laid low in this manner!

Dramatically dive in front of Quebs, human shield style!

+1

+1

[lawastooshort]

”NOOOOOOOOO!” you deathgrowl, and then again but much slower – in slow motion in fact, as you dive across your makeshift stage, protecting the officers’ eyes from Quebs’s militant nudity, ”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Ah man, we can’t shoot him! He’s totally dressed, bro!”

You spread your arms wide in front of Quebecca, protecting her from the cops, and an idea comes into your head.

“Move aside sir! Step away from the nudist!”

You quickly remove your trousers and checked shirt and calm Quebecca by rubbing her with the traditional shirt in a gentle soothing stroking motion on the forehead, and she begins to get dressed.

”Thanks Nigel,” she says, ”I… the art just kind of took over, you know? Centuries of oppression just kind of streamed out in this massive burst of silence, and…”

”That’s okay, Quebecca. I thought we were gonna lose you, man. But that was some good stuff, yeah?”

”Yeah, from the pressure of oppression grew the diamond of our first oeuvre, dudes! That was intense!”

”Yeah… we should totally… do something.”

But what?

”Uh, yeah. We should probably ride the crest of our creative wave, and write or perform more music. It's our calling, you know?”

”Or we could get a coffee?”

”No, Harun. This is a time for creativity, or, like, booking our first proper gig, or-”

”Or covering up Nigel’s underpants?”

What should your next step be? If a song, what kind of song? If a gig, where?

Spoiler: Current Band Status (click to show/hide)

Current band members:
Nigel, Competent Death Growlist, Adequate Vocalist
Quebecca, Competent Silenceist
Bagpipes Debbie, Adequate Bagpiper and Adequate Kazooist
Harun, Competent Cricket Bat Player, Dabbling Tambourinest and Dabbling Rugby Player
Current key influences: the death growl, silence, Scotland, Peruvian Cricket Music, Oppression
Current portfolio:
Free Speech – bagpipes, tambourine, death growl and silence.

[Playergamer]

Quick! Put our trousers back on, and consider booking a gig.