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[Urist McScoopbeard]

It's people who are assholes who suck. You can be aggressively nice, which is just exhausting more then anything.

[Neonivek]

It's people who are assholes who suck. You can be aggressively nice, which is just exhausting more then anything.

Well an aggressively nice person is also the kind of person who would throw you a surprise birthday party, Might invite you out places, might get you presents.

Taken to extremes they are both equally painful.

Aggressive doesn't necessarily mean "doesn't take no for an answer"... frankly "Taking no for an answer" isn't even a quality of "nice" to me, that is a qualify of being "Not a jerk".

[Tiruin]

Though I do have to ask... As a passive person do you prefer other passive people or more aggressive ones?

From my own experience as a mostly passive person: Aggressive people are attractive.

...Why has nobody mentioned that these perceptions are culturally pervaded?

This IS NOT TRUE UNIVERSALLY, just as much as 'soft' or 'passive' people are preferred--being passive myself, it is an evident note that its the attitude, rather than the passivity/aggressiveness that equals preference (especially here where 'aggressiveness' = rude.).
Though this depends on what you mean by aggressive or passive (ie Aggressive = Hey girl, let's {do stuff} may be taken as rude) which usually means how you act ._.
Like:

So maybe I am a bit too nice or maybe my perception is flawed

You need to make impressions on people and actually go out of your way.

"Nice people" aren't flawed because they are nice, but because they are too passive.

This isn't technically 'nice' or even 'respectful'. It may be a quality nice people have, but by no means equalling 'nice'.

Err, OP, what do you mean to actually ask?

Her friends confronted me about it and they got me to talk to her. She basically said I had no reason to do that and she got angry. I said I was sorry and even offered to be a gentleman (ya i'm soft, Still can't fix that about me...). She refused and I just walked away. When I told my friends about it he said That i was basically her B*** now because I just went with what she said. He foretells that now people will now perceive me of being soft/weak and will make it that much more difficult to date a girl.

That, if taken out of context as a conclusive notion towards the whole entirety, is illogical, though with a grain of truth in it or, rather mixed truth--because of how unconsistent it is.
Basically, that is his perception on how dating works (or, y'know, social pressure). NOT how dating actually works (or, y'know, in-group terminology which has connotations that, out of context like when on a forum HERE, may mean something else). It is true insofar how it is culturally perceived as true, as one point is social pressure--and it is true in the idea that 'passive = quiet', other than actually define passive, its taken as quiet--so how will anyone for that matter actually know, if you be quiet?

So no, you aren't anyone's female dog. You're just affected by social pressure.
That, or I'm missing a LOT of context to give idea to the situation--as it seems, that by one situation, you...are curious that it becomes a total generality towards dating in particular, by advice of...one man.

Its less on if you are passive or aggressive.
It is totally a lot more on your attitude.
Though given the context...I believe I am missing out a lot--though what I mentioned here is my (Really brief) understanding of it.

[3man75]

My story with this girl ended yesterday. Not out of gloom but happiness since basically we've gotten mad over the stupidest of things.

To any guys out their, never trust 100% what anyone says about the people you like or what the people you like tell you. An never date someone who's friends advice runs her life. You'll end up dating all of them and having to deal with a terrible relationship.

From the life and times of a college student who apparently isn't as mature and forward moving as he once thought.

I'm locking this thread in a few days if not after tomorrow.

[Neonivek]

An never date someone who's friends advice runs her life

Hmmmm... Now wasn't there this guy who suddenly had a crisis of personality because his friends told him he was too nice?

[Tiruin]

To any guys out their, never trust 100% what anyone says about the people you like or what the people you like tell you. An never date someone who's friends advice runs her life. You'll end up dating all of them and having to deal with a terrible relationship.

Depends on the insight, maturity and wisdom of said person, actually.
I mean, If this guy gave me advice, I'd trust him fully. Though it'd take time to decipher the wisdom in the proverbial notes.

[That Wolf]

There are plenty of fish in the sea, cast a rod and you shall see. But try to catch specificly, the fish you'll catch will not be.

[Neonivek]

This isn't technically 'nice' or even 'respectful'. It may be a quality nice people have, but by no means equalling 'nice'

It is less someone who is nice and respectful and so much the archtypical "Nice person".

[Urist McScoopbeard]

I'm very confused here. Honestly, it just seems like all the people around you are stereotypical assholes... why don't you go out and get some new friends?

[QuakeIV]

I don't really think theres enough data to tell either way.  This guy writes pretty concise posts, which, while convenient to read, don't always tell the whole story about what happend.

[Tiruin]

I don't really think theres enough data to tell either way.  This guy writes pretty concise posts, which, while convenient to read, don't always tell the whole story about what happend.

This, pretty much. ._.
Due to the perspective in which the situation is delivered, and all that.
Giving general advice is ok, though, given this.

[Neonivek]

I'm very confused here. Honestly, it just seems like all the people around you are stereotypical assholes... why don't you go out and get some new friends?

This is one of those situations where when written out it sounds a lot worse than it actually is.

You just have to see it from his friend's perspective.

They see their friend who basically was torn at by some heartless girl who was stringing him along, and he just stood there and took it as if it was his own fault.

They want him to stand up for himself and tell him that if he continues to act like then he will get a reputation for being weak in character and become unattractive to those who might even have found him attractive... because girls do talk about what people are like... and no girl likes someone who won't stand up for themselves AND by just "taking it" he is essentially admitting he is at fault.

---

Now I am not saying his friends are right... But I am saying that everyone seems to be giving them the worst possible context for what they were actually going to say. As well remember that the things people say in real life often sound worse on paper (yeah "sounded better on paper" can work in reverse)

You just have to bend your thinking and remember that the Topic creator and his friends obviously see the situation in different context.

I believe that his friends see it as him letting himself be pushed around and not standing up for himself

While the topic creator saw it as him being nice and gentlemanly, something he was supposed to do.

Mind you I am probably wrong... but I just wanted to make it clear that there are most likely no real villains here.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

seems to me like he asked a girl out, she said let me think about it, and when he finally demanded answer his friends called him a pussy. What i'm confused about is the wording. What  I think happened is he thought this girl was somehow debating on whether or not just to go out with him when that just isn't very likely. They were probably good friends, which seems like the most likely explanation given that her friends told him that wasn't cool to ignore her.

So ya... none of it makes any sense to me.

[Neonivek]

Well lets just run down the events.

"I've asked this girl out in my college and she said she wasn't ready."

Ok so he asked a girl out but she was like "I don't think I am ready to go out with you" or "I am not ready to be in a relationship" or "I am not ready to be in a relationship with you"

"I found out that she was liking another guy"

Found out she had a crush on someone else entirely

"I decided to stop trying/ignore her."

Chose to ignore and stop pursuing her as a romantic interest.

Her friends confronted me about it and they got me to talk to her. She basically said I had no reason to do that and she got angry.

Friends found out he was ignoring her and that this girl was angry at him for ignoring her.

I said I was sorry and even offered to be a gentleman (ya i'm soft, Still can't fix that about me...). She refused and I just walked away.

After she yelled at him, he apologized and made some sort of offer (I don't know what it refers to), but she ain't having none of that and just leaves.

When I told my friends about it he said That i was basically her B*** now because I just went with what she said.

Friends say that he was being to nice and was letting her walk all over him.

He foretells that now people will now perceive me of being soft/weak and will make it that much more difficult to date a girl.

They say that because he let her walk all over him, it might make others perceive him as that sort of person and as such it would be difficult to date another girl.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

I'm not gonna lie, it seems like literally everyone is at fault here.