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[3man75]

I'm in college so yeah that's a thing.

Because women don't like soft guys. Soft guys=losers

Hahahahahahahahahano.

Reality check Now.

Fix that assumption.

Did one last month. Whenever i'm nice I get looked over by people. Always. So maybe I am a bit too nice or maybe my perception is flawed.

Snip

Actually I had asked her out very straightforwardly. It worked but I just had to beleive a hear say she say and then this crap. My god drama/subtlety are just stupid.

[Neonivek]

So maybe I am a bit too nice or maybe my perception is flawed

You need to make impressions on people and actually go out of your way.

"Nice people" aren't flawed because they are nice, but because they are too passive.

[Flying Dice]

If you're really that invested in getting into a relationship right now, Neonivek hit it on the head. Keep firing shots into the dark and eventually you'll hit, so to speak. The key is to not get down over a rejection, and not get hung up on it. I'm not saying that it's going to get you anything healthy or permanent, but when someone is less about "I want a date with a certain someone," and more "I want a date with someone," that tends to not be a major concern.

If your friends genuinely believe that, don't listen too much to what they say. But they're undergrad guys, so I'd give it at least even odds that they were just giving you shit for laughs.

[4maskwolf]

So maybe I am a bit too nice or maybe my perception is flawed

You need to make impressions on people and actually go out of your way.

"Nice people" aren't flawed because they are nice, but because they are too passive.

There's nothing wrong with being passive, I've never had a single problem arrise from it.  Yes, I'm breaking gender stereotypes blah blah blah, but I've found that being nice actually attracts the kind of girls I would want to date, so it works as a sort of sieve to find people.  Actually, I take that back about passivity not causing problems: most of my relationships don't last too long because I'm too passive, but that doesn't really faze me too much since there wasn't time to build up major emotional investment in most cases.

[Neonivek]

Being nice and kind is great and honestly I consider it to be nearly universal (Even people who LOVE bastards, want them to show a sort of kindness or warmth towards them), and while the attractiveness of being "passive" is up to preference nothing is bad with it either.

But it is important not to be nice and passive to the point where you end up leaving no impression. Heck you can even be so nice to someone that they think you are completely disinterested in someone.

You just have to try to see it from their point of view.

The last thing you should change is that you are nice and passive. That is who you are, and indeed those are the very qualities people will like about you.

---

Though I do have to ask... As a passive person do you prefer other passive people or more aggressive ones?

[3man75]

Personally, not sure.

[Cheeetar]

Though I do have to ask... As a passive person do you prefer other passive people or more aggressive ones?

From my own experience as a mostly passive person: Aggressive people are attractive.

[Neonivek]

Though I do have to ask... As a passive person do you prefer other passive people or more aggressive ones?

From my own experience as a mostly passive person: Aggressive people are attractive.

From just observation of people's patterns.

It seems that people tend to be attracted to the opposite personality. Though given most people seem to be neither passive nor aggressive, it keeps me from saying anything truly profound.

[Phmcw]

So sorry about the foul language but I really need to know the answer to this.

I've asked this girl out in my college and she said she wasn't ready. Later on, I found out that she was liking another guy and I decided to stop trying/ignore her.

Her friends confronted me about it and they got me to talk to her. She basically said I had no reason to do that and she got angry. I said I was sorry and even offered to be a gentleman (ya i'm soft, Still can't fix that about me...). She refused and I just walked away. When I told my friends about it he said That i was basically her B*** now because I just went with what she said. He foretells that now people will now perceive me of being soft/weak and will make it that much more difficult to date a girl.

My question: How true is that and if true can it be fixed?

On one side what your friends told you is somewhat true, on the other side it will only really penalize you with girls that take that sort of thing seriously, which you should avoid dating if you value your sanity anyway.

Not really a problem in the end, but yeah you didn't stand up for yourself.

Because women don't like soft guys. Soft guys=losers

It's really the lack of self respect that is a problem, not the softness. You can be nice and kind without being a carpet.

[4maskwolf]

What Phmcw said. Being kind and nice doesn't mean you're soft. The only example I can think of off the top of my head is Shepard in ME2. There's one DLC where even if you go down the good route you pistol whip a guy in the face because he's such a shitmonger.

Kindness is as influenced by the intentions as much as the result of the action.

Being soft is letting people walk over you because you don't want to confront them and stand up for yourself.  Being nice is taking no for an answer and accepting other people's opinions and who they are.

The real difference between someone who is nice and somone who is weak is self-esteem.  If you are comfortable with yourself, it doesn't cause problems, but if you aren't, then people are able to walk all over you because you don't know when the time is to stand up for yourself.

My advice: ignore your friend.  They're just being a college guy who doesn't understand the meaning of respect.

[ChairmanPoo]

In a related matter: I'm under the impression that female friends of girls giving advice on relationships is a recipe for apocalyptic mistakes.

I've been goaded by such friends more than once to make moves only to be rebuffed. And as of late I'm being approached by a woman, and somehow I suspect she's not really interested in dating, but is being peer-pressured into trying it.

I think this kind of things arises from said friends suddenly deciding "Hey, X and Y would make a beautiful couple!" (regardless of what X and Y actually think) and then go around playing matchmaker regardless of the collateral damage it causes...

[Truean]

Hey OP I don't understand your position but best of luck.

[Antsan]

I'm not quite sure what she did. Your introductory post is a bit confusing.
There is no need to confront someone just to protect your image. I tried that and people just picked up on the fake. The best you will be able to achieve is to ridicule yourself by coming off as vain.

Though I do have to ask... As a passive person do you prefer other passive people or more aggressive ones?

I'm mostly passive. I dislike aggression in other people, but I am attracted people who are active about what they want. I guess liking active people is almost universal.

[4maskwolf]

Though I do have to ask... As a passive person do you prefer other passive people or more aggressive ones?

Forgot to answer this: people who are aggressive suck.  And I mean aggressive, not just assertive.  People who are pushy are just jerks.  People who know what they want and make it clear without pushing other people around are cool.  I'm fine with passive or assertive people, but aggressive people are just... no.

[ChairmanPoo]

Forgot to answer this: people who are aggressive suck.

Psst