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[Aslandus]

Heckler's guild: pester Archon
[6] They taunt Archon's leaders, distracting them from their duties. A few angry badgers make them pay for it. (Archon leadership bonuses negated for [1] turn, -25 hecklers)

Jade empress and parasite give up on their ambitions.

End of turn 9.
Big Ol' Fire: I love the planet! Honest!
cult: 150 cultists, 400 ecologists
items:partially gathered dragon blood
Diplomacy: very good PR
inquisitors (ACTIVE): 275 eco inquisitors

Volker-hands: This is why we make DOORS!
cult: 165 cultists
items: partially gathered dragon blood
Base (sturdy fortress):
Diplomacy: Mixed PR
inquisitors: 115 inquisitors

Dar Gold (lightly injured): [somewhat hungry]
Growths: Leaves (reduce hunger passively), fruit-bearing branches
cult: Forever alone
Items: dragon blood
Rituals: Basic horticulture
Base: area cleared for rituals
Diplomacy: good PR
inquisitors:
-Saragon (DEAD): the light... so close...
-Seed 1: sprawling tendrils, slightly hungry

Quar-splosion man: Damn you, logic! You have failed me again!
cult: 100 scholars
Items: located dragons
Rituals: brew power potion [consumes dragon blood, damages user], Stalwart burning summon [consumes Orb of Stalwart, gives summoned crippling weakness]
Diplomacy: good PR, BOF no longer open to OoS related negotiations
inquisitors: 25 inquisitors, 50 scholars

KZ-Jello: Nyeh heh heh heh! I have the orb now!
cult: 130 cultists, 50 "smart" cultists
items: Dragon blood, Orb of Stalwart 4
Diplomacy: good PR
inquisitors: 25 inquisitors

Arcing Mist-elf: Ok, I feel better now... Wait, who are those guys?, LEADERSHIP BONUSES DISABLED FOR [1] TURN
cult: 2 cultists, 5 hecklers (negate leadership bonuses), 1 mad cultist, 1 mad weak esper, 440 beasts, 100 large beasts, 30 satyrs, 25 minotaurs, 20 centaurs, 5 centaur scouts, 5 battle commanders (50% chance to reroll negative outcomes in combat they initiate), 2 leaders (50% chance of turning 3 into 4), 2 disaster averters (50% chance of turning 1 into 2)
Items: dragonblood, discovered Stagnant orb, 3 slimy toxin bottles
Rituals: Summon mini-horror [req dragon blood], partially completed salmoning ritual
Diplomacy: good PR
inquisitors: 100 beasts
-Sharkon (moderately injured): suffocating, WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME LIKE THIS M'LORD?!?!
-Beldroth (uninjured): [3] turns til adulthood
+Happy the clown (uninjured): 75 cultists

Hon Shadow (uninjured): Save us, Florida man!
cult: 15 "smart" cultists, 45 cultists, cult in Washington DC
Items: dragonblood
Diplomacy: good PR, support of president, support of Virginia, support of Florida
inquisitors: 25 inquisitors
-Unlight: Let the light guide you!

Fisherman (moderately injured): Augh, my leg!
cult: 630 cultists, 75 warriors, 38 champions
Items: Orb of Stalwart 2, dragon blood, improvised melee weapons
Base (Warehouse):
Rituals: can summon parasite
Diplomacy: mixed PR
inquisitors: 10 inquisitors

Speedy Speedoman (lightly injured, [REGEN], locked down): This luck is terrible!
cult: 50 cultists, 50 injured cultists, 30 sick cultists [5], 22 fanatics, 5 skilled leaders (50% chance of 3 becoming 4), 20 cultists (guarding)
Items: dragonblood, partially gathered more dragonblood, Orb of Stalwart 5 (locked down), firearms, rough armor
Base: Punji pits and barbed wire defenses, strong community
Diplomacy: bad PR
inquisitors:
-Leader #1: Paranoid (50% chance of turning 5 into 6 on guard)
-Leader #2 (m): passively restores morale
-Leader #4 (f): marksman
-Mr. Banana hammock: 50 cultists

Zomboss with really long name: My faction will be the mightiest!
cult: 60 gravekeepers, 25 suicidal cultists, 50 russians
Items: Stagnant orb, dragon blood, Orb of Summering [light], improvised melee weapons, salmon
Rituals: Salmoning ritual [req stagnant orb and dragon blood]
Base (Grand Mausoleum): Iron gates, bunker
Diplomacy: good PR
inquisitors:
-Count Trout (heavily injured): submerged, attacking Fisherman's faction
-Thun Carpa (uninjured): This faction will be mine, you rotter!

---- NPC factions
Heckler's guild: Augh! Fucking badgers!
Personnel: 10 hecklers (negate leadership bonuses)
Relations: Created by Speedo

World details:
-Orb of Stalwarts 1 and 3 destroyed

You guys might want to start stealing orbs from people who were already summoned, they'll probably break the orbs and leave you stranded otherwise

[crazyabe]

Russians: Get me an orb of stalwart.
Count Trout & Thun Carpa: Attack the Fisher man!
gravekeepers: Look for books on necromancy!
suicidal cultists: Get explosives...
I: Steal Other people's cultists!

[fillipk]

Cultists: Ask for the orb of stalwart and remaining summoning materials

BOF and the Eco cultist recruit more Eco cultists.

[DAPARROT]

75 cultists: steal orb of stalwart 4 back
25 cultists: finish gathering dragons blood
35 cultists: research alternative summoning rituals
30 cultists: attempt to summon me, using the orb if we have it
Vol-Kriit: recruit

[FallacyofUrist]

I have the WORST luck in this game. The WORST.

Quarken: Recruit a legendary scholar to act as your second in command. Cry if you get a 1.
100 scholar cultists: Use logic to acquire Orb of Stalwart 4.


For the next game, also:

Spoiler: I HAVE BEEN FRUSTRATED, Way... way too much. (click to show/hide)

Name: John Smith.

Abilities:
Is a Human(albeit one banished to an eldritch dimension): As such, will be treated like a human, won't be effected by rituals that effect only horrors...(except the summoning ritual).
Doctorate Degree In Logic: Is very, very good at using logic to persuade people and horrors to do things and whatnot.
But Politics, My Friends: The president of the united states owes him a big favor.
Friends In Low Places: And so does the leader of the American mafia.
Cult of Personality: His cultists are resistant to attempts to degrade their morale... and they're not going to turn against him easily.

Appearance: An adult human male in a tuxedo.
Homeworld: Planet Earth.

Stats:
Presence: 0. He's human.
Mindlock: -1. He's human.
Power: 0. He's human.
Physique: -1. He's human.
Appeal: 7. He basically has a cult of personality. He's just that good.

[LordBrassroast]

Hondrasaan: Get the marksmen back from Hawaii.
Govt. Cultists: Recruit more government cultists.
10 normal cultists: Look for a good spot to build a base in a quiet, secluded nook of backwoods Virginia.
All Else: Procure guns. Learn to use them.

[Aslandus]

Russians: Get me an orb of stalwart.
Count Trout & Thun Carpa: Attack the Fisher man!
gravekeepers: Look for books on necromancy!
suicidal cultists: Get explosives...
I: Steal Other people's cultists!

Orb: [3] They manage to steal a Stagnant orb from Archon. Wait, you already have one of these! Dammit, why are these russians having trouble with simple English? (Stole stagnant orb from Archon)
Attack: [6] They dive onto poor Fisherman and beat him to a pulp. Fisherman manages to gut Count Trout, and deal a few blows to Carpa, but ultimately can't escape. (Count trout is dead, Carpa is lightly wounded, Fisherman is on Death's door) ((He can negotiate with death to come back to life, but only for one turn. Same basic thing as the bleeding out, but this time you can get brought back to full health.))
Necromancy: [6] They discover a book of necromancing, and can study it to learn the magicks of the dead. Of course, learning it directly from you would probably be better, but these are hard times. Also most of the gravekeepers mysteriously disappear, which you attribute to attempted interception by your rivals. (-50 gravekeepers, Necronomicon acquired)
Explosives: [1] They use the opportunity to fulfill their dreams of embracing sweet death. (-25 suicidal cultists)
Steal: [6] You decide to steal from BOF because you want to make sure everyone hates you, and end up stealing some of his inquisitors as well. (25 cultists stolen from BOF, 25 eco inquisitors stolen)

Carpa didn't enter the water because he's dense as a rock. (Carpa now moderately wounded)

Cultists: Ask for the orb of stalwart and remaining summoning materials


BOF and the Eco cultist recruit more Eco cultists.

Orb: [6] They beg Fisherman's cult for their orb. The cult agrees, in exchange for a few of your cultists. You find this strange since their patriarch just died, but the trade is made regardless. (75 cultists transferred to Fisherman, gained Orb of Stalwart 2)
DB: [no roll] They finish gathering the stuff. (dragon blood acquired)
Recruit: [5] You and your ecomaniacs manage to get a slew of new rookies to join your army. A glorious victory for the Earth is upon you! They will not be able to stop your sheer numbers! (+900 cultists)

Inquisitors: Get weapons
[2] For some reason, they can't find any weapons or even objects that could be useful as weapons in the nearby area. It's as if the cult they're hunting is conspiring from the shadows to keep them weak.

75 cultists: steal orb of stalwart 4 back
25 cultists: finish gathering dragons blood
35 cultists: research alternative summoning rituals
30 cultists: attempt to summon me, using the orb if we have it
Vol-Kriit: recruit

Steal Orb4: [1] They lost track of where the orb went. They also lost track of where the base went. And where several of their members went. Whoops. (-50 cultists)
Gather: [no roll] They find the rest of the dragon blood.
Research: [4] They discover that in place of an Orb of Stalwart, a glass sphere imbibed with liquid silver and inlaid with runes secret to those who complete the research can be used. This is no substitute for a true Orb of Stalwart, and requires a bit more prep time, but at least you don't have to play tug-of-war over it. (Discovered Fake Orb of Stalwart creation [consumes glass and silver, use causes temporary weakness])
Attempt to summon: [1] They don't have the orb, or the substitute. They try the ritual anyway. It doesn't go well. (-30 cultists)
Recruit: [3] You convince some people to help you out. Only half of them actually show up the next day. (+35 cultists)

I have the WORST luck in this game. The WORST.

Quarken: Recruit a legendary scholar to act as your second in command. Cry if you get a 1.
100 scholar cultists: Use logic to acquire Orb of Stalwart 4.


For the next game, also:

Spoiler: I HAVE BEEN FRUSTRATED, Way... way too much. (click to show/hide)

Name: John Smith.

Abilities:
Is a Human(albeit one banished to an eldritch dimension): As such, will be treated like a human, won't be effected by rituals that effect only horrors...(except the summoning ritual).
Doctorate Degree In Logic: Is very, very good at using logic to persuade people and horrors to do things and whatnot.
But Politics, My Friends: The president of the united states owes him a big favor.
Friends In Low Places: And so does the leader of the American mafia.
Cult of Personality: His cultists are resistant to attempts to degrade their morale... and they're not going to turn against him easily.

Appearance: An adult human male in a tuxedo.
Homeworld: Planet Earth.

Stats:
Presence: 0. He's human.
Mindlock: -1. He's human.
Power: 0. He's human.
Physique: -1. He's human.
Appeal: 7. He basically has a cult of personality. He's just that good.

I'll stick that in the waitlist asap
Recruit: [3] You manage to get a leg 'n' dairy scholar. He's a master on all things related to legs and milk. While your failure to get a useful leader is annoying, the leg n dairy scholar is impressed at your dedication to puns. (gained Leg and Dairy scholar [50% chance of turning 2 into 3 on dairy and leg related rolls])
Logic up Orb 4: [4] You convince Jello's cult that handing the orb to you is a much better idea than keeping it in their not-base. They want you to promise to let them summon their master, but they should've gotten it in writing (acquired Orb of Stalwart 4)

Hondrasaan: Get the marksmen back from Hawaii.
Govt. Cultists: Recruit more government cultists.
10 normal cultists: Look for a good spot to build a base in a quiet, secluded nook of backwoods Virginia.
All Else: Procure guns. Learn to use them.

Recover those lazy bastards: [1] You soon discover that they have no interest in coming back. They call you several rude names and show some obscene gestures that even you are too polite to repeat. They will burn with the rest of this world. Well, maybe just the ones that flipped you off. (+10 marksmen inquisitors)
Recruit: [1] Their prodding for potential recruits gets the press on their tails and the ensuing scandal causes some of them to lose credibility. They won't get impeached over it, but good luck getting anything done through them now that everyone knows they are part of a cult. (Governing cultists discredited)
FIND THE BASE DAMMIT: [3] They find a small clearing they can build a base on. There are some trees overhead to block the rain, but actual buildings need to be made by you. (found Clearing for base)
Get gunz: [1] They eat a bunch of Chicky Nugs instead and it goes right to their thighs. And then they blow up! (-50 cultists)

[FallacyofUrist]

((Randomness gives and randomness takes away, yeh? And it shouldn't be too hard to weaponize actions involving legs and dairy...))

[Sl4cker]

Me: Ugh... Ask Death for a long a life as possible, in exchange for absolutely anything he wishes. My Soul? Done. The souls of all my followers? No question. Go on a mad quest to take the soul of every fish in and out of existence? Gladly. All three? Accepted in a heartbeat.
250: Destroy Zomboss's PR.
EVERYONE ELSE: DESTROY ZOMBOSS'S EVERYTHING ELSE. His cultists, the other horror, his items, his base, everything. Nothing remains.

[SaberToothTiger]

Be summoned.

[Dustan Hache]

Leader 4: Now that our glorious speedoman is healed up nicely, go try to apologize to the marksmen with broken backs. Maybe they'll change their minds and we can try to research some sort of healing.
Leader 2 and all the sick and injured cultists: To the hospital with you, you're not dead yet.
leader 3 and all remaining cultists: recruit, our numbers are getting low from the recent incedents.
Leader 1: Take the fanatics and go work on fixing our PR. We are TRYING to be good, we just fail miserably at it.
Leader 5 and banana hammock: Procrastinate wildly. Without end.

[Aslandus]

Me: Ugh... Ask Death for a long a life as possible, in exchange for absolutely anything he wishes. My Soul? Done. The souls of all my followers? No question. Go on a mad quest to take the soul of every fish in and out of existence? Gladly. All three? Accepted in a heartbeat.
250: Destroy Zomboss's PR.
EVERYONE ELSE: DESTROY ZOMBOSS'S EVERYTHING ELSE. His cultists, the other horror, his items, his base, everything. Nothing remains.

Death's barter: [2] Unfortunately, death offers you no deals, and accepts none of your propositions. He simply takes you by the hand and brings you to the hereafter, where you can fish for all eternity in peace. (Fisherman is dead)
Destroy PR: [4] They broadcast to everyone the fact that Zomboss is an undead abomination, and the word gets out. He'll have trouble backtracking from that, but his existing reputation buffers his cult against actual harm. (Zomboss' PR down)
GLORIOUS SLAUGHTER AND DESTRUCTION: [3] Your warriors slaughter his followers (mostly due to a low amount of personnel to begin with), and your cultists knock over much of his stuff, but ultimately leave the more important things. They've nothing to live for now that their leader is dead, so why die for this? (Zomboss loses all his cultists, Thun carpa is dead, his salmon and Orb of Summering are gone, and the iron gates from his base have been torn off; Fisherman loses all his warriors and champions, and 200 cultists)

Fisherman's faction is dissolved, his items are now fair game.

Be summoned.

[3] They try to summon you, but find they don't have an orb and Quarken's cult won't let them use the one they just handed them. They try to do the ritual without an orb and... the results are not pretty. (-100 cultists, Grotesque summoned) ((guess you should've paid more attention to what the others were doing))

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Name: The Grotesque
Appearance: a mass of human flesh, with bits of hair and bone sticking out in a pattern resembling a sea urchin.

Abilities:
Born to die: Takes damage every turn due to having completely nonfunctional vital systems
Feed: Consume humans to sustain itself, healing wounds. Every 200 cultists it bolsters its strength, up to a maximum of 5

Stats:
Presence: 0
Mindlock: -1
Power: 0
Physique: 3
Appeal: -1

Leader 4: Now that our glorious speedoman is healed up nicely, go try to apologize to the marksmen with broken backs. Maybe they'll change their minds and we can try to research some sort of healing.
Leader 2 and all the sick and injured cultists: To the hospital with you, you're not dead yet.
leader 3 and all remaining cultists: recruit, our numbers are getting low from the recent incedents.
Leader 1: Take the fanatics and go work on fixing our PR. We are TRYING to be good, we just fail miserably at it.
Leader 5 and banana hammock: Procrastinate wildly. Without end.

Get our marksmen back: [1] The marksmen are still far too injured to work, and Leader 4 feels guilty asking them to come back this soon. (Leader 4 now feeling guilty [50% chance of turning 5 into 4])
Hospital: [1] They get lost on the way there and Leader 2 returns with only a few of the injured guys. (-30 sick cultists, -25 injured cultists)
Recruit: [3-2] They bring some more people to the cult, but even the ostentatious displays of leader 3 aren't enough to bring in a crowd. He takes the people on guard as well, freeing you and the orb up, but leaving you vulnerable to hostile action. (+46 cultists, guard and lockdown no longer in place)
Fix PR: [3-4 > 4] They manage to make your PR much better than it was. Congratulations on not being the actual devil. (PR up)
Procrastinate: [3-6 > 4] They put up their feet, and relax for the turn under Leader 5's amazing slacking skills. This doesn't actually help anything.

[Dustan Hache]

*SLACKING INTENSIFIES*

[SaberToothTiger]

It's a bit hard to find when was my orb stolen, especially because I have no status.

[FallacyofUrist]

KZ-Jello: Nyeh heh heh heh! I (don't) have the orb now!
cult: 130 cultists, 50 "smart" cultists
items: Dragon blood, Orb of Stalwart 4
Diplomacy: good PR
inquisitors: 25 inquisitors

Ho. Here you go.