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[Aslandus]

Sorry Evonix, I think I broke your brother...

[carp]

Sorry Evonix, I think I broke your brother...

i really want to see how you going to do the turn "100 cultists: WEEE HEEEE HEEEE"
this game has been going on for so long i want it to end in a blaze of fusiony carpy "glory".

[Evonix]

K.I.:Make test range with brick bunkers for safe rocket testing, also make some lightweight armor.
Giant robot+100 Cultists: Cultists get the hold rift ritual and see if concrete works for holding the rift then if it does go hold the rift, but only the robot goes within the danger zone(the robot is mindless and has been remote controlled all this time right? If not and the robot is sentient in it's own right then I hope it will make this noble sacrifice for all human kind and any robots they may create in the future, or if it's piloted set it up to be remote controlled then do the thing.

205 cultists and 10 recognizable cultists: RECROOOOT!

Sorry Evonix, I think I broke your brother...

what? it's an improvement.

[Aslandus]

K.I.:Make test range with brick bunkers for safe rocket testing, also make some lightweight armor.
Giant robot+100 Cultists: Cultists get the hold rift ritual and see if concrete works for holding the rift then if it does go hold the rift, but only the robot goes within the danger zone(the robot is mindless and has been remote controlled all this time right? If not and the robot is sentient in it's own right then I hope it will make this noble sacrifice for all human kind and any robots they may create in the future, or if it's piloted set it up to be remote controlled then do the thing.

205 cultists and 10 recognizable cultists: RECROOOOT!

Sorry Evonix, I think I broke your brother...

what? it's an improvement.

Copy ritual: [2] They can't seem to find a safe path through the defenses around Rosabel's chapel and decide to stay out of it instead of hurting themselves going in.
Enter the rift: [5] They don't know if the robot is sentient or not, they just used a glowing chip from an old computer and the robot just works... Anyway, it delves into the rift and sees another world, similar to Earth, on the other side. It would probably destroy both worlds and all who live on them if the rift is allowed to expand. (discovered Alterworld)
Recruit: [4] They get more people to join them for a few more parties before the end of the world. (+225 cultists)

KI: [2] They can't do anything because they're swamped with paperwork and legal permits they have to deal with.

[carp]

why hasn't anybody been doing anything recently? like aslandus what happened to my turn?
and shouldn't it be "apocalypses now" i mean how many do we have going on theres the zombie plague the rift and the two i have planned.

[Aslandus]

Whoops, I forgot that we only had 4 people still active...
Humanity
Stop harassing Puff puff's cult
[no roll] They cease attacking the cult, satisfied at having disposed of the horror. Naturally, they start panicking over the rift as well. (no longer attacking)

Give Koshu a high five
[1] They are unable to high five you and accidentally send a few people to another dimension trying. Whoops.

The end of the world draws closer.
End of Turn !23deWqrfq2w1.
score:
Unescargot (DEAD): summoned, getting old
-cultists: regrets
-Items: veteran memoirs, charm of tunneling ((buried in the gut of an invisible monster))
-Inquisitors: 40 lightly armed inquisitors, inquisitorial demolition hirelings, inquisitors activated and attacking Puff puff.
-Other: host of ihatecarp.com, knows ritual of fading strength, knows self banishing ritual,  very bad PR, knows power swap ritual, knows yoga, knows ritual of summon oranges {req chalk}, knows ritual of temporary possession {req host and possessor horror, charm of channeling}
--Puff Puff (GONE): banished to the 5432545th dimension, plush toy that looks just like him, 50 armed cultists

Tavern wench (DEAD): summoned, sunburn [+1 to damage taken]
-cultists: 175 armed cultists
-Items: base in the desert (breached), has dragon blood, has mercury, access to Orb of Stability 1
-Inquisitors: 70 inquisitors, 25 well trained inquisitors, 5 inquisitors in high places, Inquisitors activated
-Other: well known, moderately bad PR, leaderly campaign started well, refugee organization made, knows stability summoning {req mercury, consumes orb of stability, can sub Dragon blood [causes injury]}, knows ritual of summon oranges {req chalk}
--Crux the mad (DEAD): killed 10% of Earth's population
--"Wine and beer with Tavern Wench" talk show: lukewarm ratings, technical difficulties
-+"Booze: the magic poison" talk show: lackluster ratings

TROG (DEAD): summoned, vanished into the abyss
-cultists:
-Problems: despised by humanity
-Items: has dragon blood
--GORT(DEAD): 124 mummies
--KONG(moderately wounded): hallucinating, berserk

Anthaju(DEAD): summoned, resting in peace
-cultists: 55 cultists, 15 reapers
-Items: has a flooded pyramid with a shoddy shack on top for a base, has money, prepared self banishment ritual, has metal, has dragon blood
-Inquisitors: 3 strong mummy inquisitors, 20 inquisitorial reapers, inquisitors activated
-Other: has weighed Unescargot and TROG, knows self banishing ritual, destroyed Orb of Stalwart 4, knows ritual of fusion, bad PR

Koshu: Has given up on coming to Earth, has a headache (doesn't really do anything)
-Cultists: Fled for greener pastures
-Items: has a few spaceship components, has extra spikes, watch mirrors set up, has dragon blood
-Inquisitors: Pursued their prey
-Other: loved by humanity, satellite launched, community improved, knows "cascade" ritual,

Rabe (DEAD): summoned, can drown people and detect beards/alcohol, paranoid, afraid of water, experiencing minor hallucinations (1/6 chance of failing to perform personal actions)
-Cultists: 530 cultists, 25 well trained astronauts, 10 recognizable cultists
-Items: has sturdy base with defenses (20 gun turrets), has bricks and concrete, knows location of Lunar Orb of Stalwart, has dragon blood, has grand training center, has hidden bunker
-Inquisitors: know ritual of ignite mortals {req gasoline, consumes cultists}, have gasoline
-Other: posters put up, campaign for president started, very bad PR,  requested Koshu's permission to summon him, knows ritual of summon oranges {req chalk}, aware of power store ritual, knows power swap ritual {no cost}, can access Alterworld via giant robot
-Achievements: destroyed Orb of Stalwart 1, second in command to carp's faction, founded Miskatonic University, created Kitten Industries, shamed by cookie-Cthulhu, discovered Alterworld
--Kitten Industries: 211 cultists, 15 recognizable cultists, has a bunch of molds/casts for stuff (weapons, armor and missile shells are the important ones), heavily armed giant death robot (2 physique, 2 power, can launch missiles), has materials for starfruit jelly, covered in enhance poison wards

DF CARP: rather calm, thinks TROG is carp, ageless and better with psychic power, regained swimming power and control of carp
-goal: CARP LIFE
-Cultists: 225 armed cultists
-Items: Delicious sandwiches, a bunch of motorized submarines working properly, a shallow ditch
-Inquisitors: 90 inquisitors, inquisitors destroyed Orbs of Stalwart 3 and 5
-Other: CARP LIFE 4 EVAR, has turned into a DF carp (it's what you always dreamed of),  destroyed the focus stone, going crazy, horrible PR, campaigning for mayor of Tijuana and doing very badly, knows rain dance {req 50 cultists}, knows ritual of sunshine {req whiskey and light}
--GOEARERKSFLES (DEAD): unending hunger,  mass: 200, physique +2

Rosabel (lightly injured): summoned, has seal rift ability, sad
Cultists: 685 armed cultists, 100 horrific armed cultists, 43 heavily armed cultists, 476 armed mad cultists, 25 armed assassin cultists
Items: has dragon blood, has gold block, has dynamite, has tallow candles, has Grand cathedral base with brutal defenses, has chalice of healing, injured people in chapel, has surgical tools and first aid kits
Inquisitors: discredited, 717 inquisitors, 80 trained inquisitors, inquisitors have destroyed Orb of Storms 1 and Orb of Stalwart 2, know ritual of warming {req whiskey}
Other: adored by humanity, community improved, excellent PR, knows gold summoning ritual {req gold block, dragonblood, tallow candles, causes weakness}, knows ritual of summon oranges {req chalk}, knows circle of healing ritual {req cultists, wine, and candles}, knows ignite mortal ritual {req gasoline, consumes cultists}, knows sacrificial summoning ritual {requires Dragonblood, consumes 500 sacrificial cultists}, knows hold rift ritual {consumes solid material}, has zombie vaccine, buried the dead again
Temporary: 100 panicking civilians

Other: Poison widely available, 10% of Earth's population gone, cascade impossible, everyone is on psi-net, Lunar Orb of Stalwart has a carp in it, Rift will destroy the world in [9] turns, finally raining in california

[Evonix]

Me: Recruit lost souls (Even though it doesn't do anything on the overworld I like to have a following, and they worship cats).
100 cultists: Transfer to K.I.
K.I.: Get the forms out of the way and construct a test range.
50 cultists: Get the ritual of stabilize rift from Rosebel.
200 cultists: Strip The Thing Unseen of it's powers and divide it among you.
100 cultists: Get dragons blood.
Giant robot: If the ritual has been acquired stabilize rift.

[wipeout1024]

CUltists: Continue the show!

[Aslandus]

my new goal: make the sun come out OF THE GROUND DESTROY DESTROY.
ME: reference the great carp archives for an interdimensional portal summoning spell or something to make the wormhole come from my dimension (they're not called the great carp archives because it has really good books about carp but it is full of books made out of carp of great proportions)(repeat this turn until i succeed)
50 cultists: get sunnening ritual ingredients.
50 cultists: research a spell that summons me to the oceans under the ice of europa.
100 cultists: WEEE HHEEEEE HEEEEE HHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
25 culltists: SUMMON THE HORSE MEN OF THE APOCLYPSE.
∞ cultists: FRAGNO MAGNO DRAGNO SAHG HAGNO LAGNO TAGNO MAHG FERAGNO SENAGNO TAYAHG?/:*',@*%^#%$(@(^$*>

Find your own way out: [3] You don't find a spell, but you find a wormhole leading to somewhere. Maybe Earth, maybe not, you'll only find out if you look through. (found mysterious portal)
Let there be light: [4] They collect whiskey for the ritual. Hooray for alcohol! (whiskey gained)
Summon research: [6] They discover a ritual to bring you directly to the frozen lands of Europa. It requires a bunch of bread, fresh fruit, cashews, and the blood of an Englishmun... Wait, how did they discover this ritual? And why would they look up a ritual to summon you in a country on the other side of the world? Some of your cultists realize they are English and flee to avoid being used as sacrifices. (Discovered summon to europa {req fruit [fresh], bread, cashews, consumes English cultists}, -25 cultists)
Whee: [5] They hang out at an amusement park all day and have a great time. (now high morale)
Summon horsemen: [4] They find a ritual that will summon them, provided they sacrifice 7 seals on the ritual circle. Looks like you're going to have to send some cultists to seal territory. (Discovered summon horsemen ritual {consumes 7 seals}) ((Looks like whoever wants to save the world will have to purge Carp's influence))
Other: [irreelvant] due to not existing, your other cultists can't do anything.

Me: Recruit lost souls (Even though it doesn't do anything on the overworld I like to have a following, and they worship cats).
100 cultists: Transfer to K.I.
K.I.: Get the forms out of the way and construct a test range.
50 cultists: Get the ritual of stabilize rift from Rosebel.
200 cultists: Strip The Thing Unseen of it's powers and divide it among you.
100 cultists: Get dragons blood.
Giant robot: If the ritual has been acquired((No conditions for orders)) stabilize rift.

Recruit the dead: [4] You convince some of the legions of your old cultists to hang around a little longer to hang out with you before moving on. (+150 ghost friends)
Transfer: [6] They go over to KI hastily and get tired out from running too hard. (100 cultists sent to KI, tired out)
Test range: [1] They build a testing site, but it is unusable because it is too close to the headquarters. They use up all their materials making it. (lose bricks and concrete)
Stabilize: [2] They fail to learn he ritual from the very busy people at Smiley's church
Find thing unseen: [6] Since they don't know where the thing unseen is, they search for it. Much of the search party goes missing. (-100 cultists)
Dragon blood: [6] They discover more dragon blood and have a toast to a job well done. (-50 cultists, gained dragon blood)
Robot: [irrelevant] The robot tries to stabilize the rift without the ritual and gets sliced in half by a split in reality. (Giant robot destroyed)

CUltists: Continue the show!

[4] They repair the stage and get the show broadcasting again! Whew, that was close. The random jerks are a little more cooperative now that they've had their teeth smashed in. (show up and running again, now average popularity)

Inquisitors: get a better air time to gain more viewers
[2] They can't convince the network to give them a better time slot, but they avoid offending anyone.

[carp]

Summon horsemen: [4] They find a ritual that will summon them, provided they sacrifice 7 seals on the ritual circle. Looks like you're going to have to send some cultists to seal territory. (Discovered summon horsemen ritual {consumes 7 seals}) ((Looks like whoever wants to save the world will have to purge Carp's influence))

uhhhh how did you know seals are my favorite animals or was it just a lucky guess?? also Europa is a moon and i got a six so i got that ritual and there already is a consequences
ME: RECROOOOT the thing unseen
all except 25 cultists: split in 4 groups and search for ingredients to summon me to the oceans underneath the ice of Europa (so count each group as an individual action}
the 25 cultists left: look for male southern elephant seals
((and griffin rolled a six he should have found the thing unseen maybe by covering it with corn starch.))

[carp]

this was just a test please disregard

[Aslandus]

Summon horsemen: [4] They find a ritual that will summon them, provided they sacrifice 7 seals on the ritual circle. Looks like you're going to have to send some cultists to seal territory. (Discovered summon horsemen ritual {consumes 7 seals}) ((Looks like whoever wants to save the world will have to purge Carp's influence))

uhhhh how did you know seals are my favorite animals or was it just a lucky guess?? also Europa is a moon and i got a six so i got that ritual and there already is a consequence.
ME: go through the portal
all cultists: split in 4 groups and search for ingredients to summon me to the oceans underneath the ice of Europa (so count each group as an individual action}

It was actually meant as a pun for the 7 seals of the apocalypse according to mythology... I assumed you meant Europa as in Europe and didn't bother to look it up, but I'll let it go to a moon if you want.

[carp]

Summon horsemen: [4] They find a ritual that will summon them, provided they sacrifice 7 seals on the ritual circle. Looks like you're going to have to send some cultists to seal territory. (Discovered summon horsemen ritual {consumes 7 seals}) ((Looks like whoever wants to save the world will have to purge Carp's influence))

uhhhh how did you know seals are my favorite animals or was it just a lucky guess?? also Europa is a moon and i got a six so i got that ritual and there already is a consequence.
ME: go through the portal
all cultists: split in 4 groups and search for ingredients to summon me to the oceans underneath the ice of Europa (so count each group as an individual action}

It was actually meant as a pun for the 7 seals of the apocalypse according to mythology... I assumed you meant Europa as in Europe and didn't bother to look it up, but I'll let it go to a moon if you want.

ahhh.

[Evonix]

you skipped a command : 50 cultists: Get the ritual of stabilize rift from Rosebel.
also I didn't hear about no condition orders.

[Aslandus]

you skipped a command : 50 cultists: Get the ritual of stabilize rift from Rosebel.
also I didn't hear about no condition orders.

Stabilize: [2] They fail to learn he ritual from the very busy people at Smiley's church

I've said it several times before, but I suppose I may not have said it directly to you yet. The rule still stands though. If you had gotten the ritual then it might have worked, but such is the risk of writing orders before you know the conditions they will have to be fulfilled in...

It's not like you can't build another robot next turn.