Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Adragis]

500 armed cultists: Try and talk down the inquisitors. Do not wield your weapons.
485 armed inquisitors: Without your weapons, go and tell more of the healing. Do not recruit them, merely make it known that we will heal all who need it.
Mad Cultists: Set up defenses. And I mean defenses, not turrets. Walls and things, barbed wire at worst.
Plagued Cultists: Drink from the healing chalice.
40 healthier cultists: Go out and bury the dead again. This is what we are here to stop!
All other cultists: Distribute zombie vaccine. That foul plague may be out there somewhere still.
Rosabel: Heal those who need it. If there are none, assist in talking down the inquisitors.

[Aslandus]

500 armed cultists: Try and talk down the inquisitors. Do not wield your weapons.
485 armed inquisitors: Without your weapons, go and tell more of the healing. Do not recruit them, merely make it known that we will heal all who need it.
Mad Cultists: Set up defenses. And I mean defenses, not turrets. Walls and things, barbed wire at worst.
Plagued Cultists: Drink from the healing chalice.
40 healthier cultists: Go out and bury the dead again. This is what we are here to stop!
All other cultists: Distribute zombie vaccine. That foul plague may be out there somewhere still.
Rosabel: Heal those who need it. If there are none, assist in talking down the inquisitors.

All teh akshuns!
Talk down the inquisitors: [6] They ignore your advice about the weapons and threaten the inquisitors if they don't back off. Some of them do, but others beat the snot out of your cultists, who leave embarrassed at having failed AND disobeyed orders. (-500 inquisitors, -250 armed cultists)
Spread the word: [6] They tell everyone about the amazing healing going down, and people pile in, some of them carrying the plague. (+200 plagued civilians)
REND THE FLESH OF INVADERS: [5] They set up barbed wire and spike pits all around the chapel. Those zombies won't get the drop on you again! (brutal defenses set up)
DRINK: [4] They fill the chalice with water and drink out of it, cleansing their plagued flesh. (no longer plagued)
Bury the dead: [4] They stuff the corpses lying all around the chapel into hastily dug graves. Better than letting them rot in a field. (dead buried)
Heal: [1] You strain your healing power trying to fix people and give yourself a hernia. (lightly wounded)

Aura: [5] All the plagued civilians and many injured are healed by your glowing presence. (200 plagued civilians healed, 50 injured civilians healed)

Inquisitors: Spread slander about Smiley
[6] They make you look like an overblown jerk to humanity, but end up making jackasses out of themselves in the process. (PR now excellent, inquisitors discredited)

[carp]

ME:Recroot
100 cultists: assemble some organic submarines with the organic submarine parts
25 cultist: start up the subs in the bay

Lunar orb lolz: [4] You make a single carp in the center of a Lunar Orb of Stalwart. The carp seems to be frozen in place due to still being encased in crystal. (Lunar Orb of Stalwart has a carp in it)

Have we (and/or just CARP) located the Lunar Orb of Stalwart?

mah turn
good point have i located the lunar orb of stalwart because i put a carp in it.

[Aslandus]

ME:Recroot
100 cultists: assemble some organic submarines with the organic submarine parts
25 cultist: start up the subs in the bay

Recruit: [5] Your flopping around and gurgling draws more to you cause. (+100 cultists)
Assemble: [1] Whoops, they damaged the delicate parts while they were messing with them. Apparently human skin isn't the best boat material. (lose organic submarine parts)
Engines on: [3] They manage to start up the submarines, but they still can't figure out how to get them to go underwater. (Motors on subs working, still floating on surface)

[Evonix]

"well shit, at least knowing a god of the afterlife softened the blow a bit, once he gets free, in a century or five. Well osiris took over scale dutys and I squeaked by (turns out each time I replayed what the robot did to the inquisitor it added an ounce to my soul.).Soon I shall be leaving for greener pastures."
K.I.:"I forgive you about that, I had more allies than enemies and you are your own business and it's a moot point now anyway. But seriously make that rocket."(prepare rocket to go to lunar orb of stalwart with safety measures like parachutes and escape towers.).
25 cultists: Train in grand training hall to prepare for launch.
100 cultists: check if M.U. had file back ups.
Rest: recroot!

[Aslandus]

"well shit, at least knowing a god of the afterlife softened the blow a bit, once he gets free, in a century or five. Well osiris took over scale dutys and I squeaked by (turns out each time I replayed what the robot did to the inquisitor it added an ounce to my soul.).Soon I shall be leaving for greener pastures."
K.I.:"I forgive you about that, I had more allies than enemies and you are your own business and it's a moot point now anyway. But seriously make that rocket."(prepare rocket to go to lunar orb of stalwart with safety measures like parachutes and escape towers.).
25 cultists: Train in grand training hall to prepare for launch.
100 cultists: check if M.U. had file back ups.
Rest: recroot!

Technically you haven't moved on until you stop playing, so you're just elbowing Unescargot and Tavern Wench as you try to communicate with your followers...
Become the astronauts: [5] They get space suits and train in using them at the local pool. The lifeguard thinks they're super cool. Astronautics is  complex process that most would have trouble with, but these guys take to it like a duck to water. (25 cultists now well trained astronauts)
Check: [4] They manage to find a few tattered records and piece together the power swap ritual from the notes. The wreckage was on fire though, so its unlikely there will be anything else there salvageable. (power swap ritual learned)
Recruit: [2] They are unable to get help in their goal of world domination.

KI: [1] There was an explosion... (-100 cultists)

Inquisitors: continue being dead
[irrelevant] Yep, they're dead.

[Evonix]

I did say I would soon move onto greener pastures.

[Aslandus]

Humanity
Vacuum up Puff puff
[6] They accidentally open a dimensional rift that sucks puff puff in. It also starts slowly destroying the Earth, and in ten turns it will become too big to stop. (Rift opened [10], Puff puff destroyed)

Give Koshu more Dragon blood
[4] The message that you have given up didn't make it through and a box of dragon blood vials was delivered to your HQ... well, gathering area at least... (dragon blood gained)

End of Turn Lemon.
score:
Unescargot (DEAD): summoned, getting old
-cultists: regrets
-Items: veteran memoirs, charm of tunneling ((buried in the gut of an invisible monster))
-Inquisitors: 40 lightly armed inquisitors, inquisitorial demolition hirelings, inquisitors activated and attacking Puff puff.
-Other: host of ihatecarp.com, knows ritual of fading strength, knows self banishing ritual, hated by humanity, knows power swap ritual, knows yoga, knows ritual of summon oranges {req chalk}, knows ritual of temporary possession {req host and possessor horror, charm of channeling}
--Puff Puff (GONE): banished to the 5432545th dimension, plush toy that looks just like him, 50 armed cultists

Tavern wench (DEAD): summoned, sunburn [+1 to damage taken]
-cultists: 175 armed cultists
-Items: base in the desert (breached), has dragon blood, has mercury, access to Orb of Stability 1
-Inquisitors: 25 well trained inquisitors, 5 inquisitors in high places, Inquisitors activated
-Other: well known, moderately bad PR, leaderly campaign started well, refugee organization made, knows stability summoning {req mercury, consumes orb of stability, can sub Dragon blood [causes injury]}, knows ritual of summon oranges {req chalk}
--Crux the mad (DEAD): killed 10% of Earth's population
--"Wine and beer with Tavern Wench" talk show: lukewarm ratings
-+"Booze: the magic poison" talk show: almost no viewers

TROG (DEAD): summoned, vanished into the abyss
-cultists:
-Problems: despised by humanity
-Items: has dragon blood
--GORT(DEAD): 124 mummies
--KONG(moderately wounded): hallucinating, berserk

Anthaju(DEAD): summoned, resting in peace
-cultists: 55 cultists, 15 reapers
-Items: has a flooded pyramid with a shoddy shack on top for a base, has money, prepared self banishment ritual, has metal, has dragon blood
-Inquisitors: 3 strong mummy inquisitors, 20 inquisitorial reapers, inquisitors activated
-Other: has weighed Unescargot and TROG, knows self banishing ritual, destroyed Orb of Stalwart 4, knows ritual of fusion, bad PR

Koshu: Has given up on coming to Earth, has a headache (doesn't really do anything)
-Cultists: Fled for greener pastures
-Items: has a few spaceship components, has extra spikes, watch mirrors set up, has dragon blood
-Inquisitors: Pursued their prey
-Other: loved by humanity, satellite launched, community improved, knows "cascade" ritual,

Rabe (DEAD): summoned, can drown people and detect beards/alcohol, paranoid, afraid of water, experiencing minor hallucinations (1/6 chance of failing to perform personal actions)
-Cultists: 305 cultists, 25 well trained astronauts, 10 recognizable cultists
-Items: has sturdy base with defenses (20 gun turrets), has bricks and concrete, knows location of Lunar Orb of Stalwart, has dragon blood, has grand training center, has hidden bunker
-Inquisitors: know ritual of ignite mortals {req gasoline, consumes cultists}, have gasoline
-Other: posters put up, campaign for president started, very bad PR,  requested Koshu's permission to summon him, knows ritual of summon oranges {req chalk}, aware of power store ritual, knows power swap ritual {no cost}
-Achievements: destroyed Orb of Stalwart 1, second in command to carp's faction, founded Miskatonic University, created Kitten Industries, shamed by cookie-Cthulhu
--Kitten Industries: 211 cultists, 15 recognizable cultists, has a bunch of molds/casts for stuff (weapons, armor and missile shells are the important ones), heavily armed giant death robot (2 physique, 2 power, can launch missiles), has materials for starfruit jelly, covered in enhance poison wards

DF CARP: rather calm, thinks TROG is carp, ageless and better with psychic power, regained swimming power and control of carp
-goal: CARP LIFE
-Cultists: 225 armed cultists
-Items: Delicious sandwiches, a bunch of motorized submarines being used as boats, a shallow ditch
-Inquisitors: 90 inquisitors, inquisitors destroyed Orbs of Stalwart 3 and 5
-Other: CARP LIFE 4 EVAR, has turned into a DF carp (it's what you always dreamed of),  destroyed the focus stone, going crazy, horrible PR, campaigning for mayor of Tijuana and doing very badly, knows rain dance {req 50 cultists}
--GOEARERKSFLES (DEAD): unending hunger,  mass: 200, physique +2

Rosabel (lightly injured): summoned
Cultists: 785 armed cultists, 43 heavily armed cultists, 476 armed mad cultists, 25 armed assassin cultists
Items: has dragon blood, has gold block, has dynamite, has tallow candles, has Grand cathedral base with brutal defenses, has chalice of healing, injured people in chapel, has surgical tools and first aid kits
Inquisitors: discredited, 717 inquisitors, 80 trained inquisitors, inquisitors have destroyed Orb of Storms 1 and Orb of Stalwart 2, know ritual of warming {req whiskey} inquisitors activated
Other: adored by humanity, community improved, excellent PR, knows gold summoning ritual {req gold block, dragonblood, tallow candles, causes weakness}, knows ritual of summon oranges {req chalk}, knows circle of healing ritual {req cultists, wine, and candles}, knows ignite mortal ritual {req gasoline, consumes cultists}, knows sacrificial summoning ritual {requires Dragonblood, consumes 500 sacrificial cultists}, has zombie vaccine, buried the dead again
Temporary: 250 civilians

Other: Poison widely available, 10% of Earth's population gone, cascade impossible, everyone is on psi-net, Lunar Orb of Stalwart has a carp in it, Rift will destroy the world in [10] turns

[wipeout1024]

70 cultists: Recruit, by going to bars, and starting an alcoholic yoga class.
105 cultists:Continue the show, and get Z-list celebrities on weekly.

[Aslandus]

70 cultists: Recruit, by going to bars, and starting an alcoholic yoga class.
105 cultists:Continue the show, and get Z-list celebrities on weekly.

Recruit: [1] Your followers, in their drunken shenanigans, make a menace of the cause they are trying to push. (+70 inquisitors)
Show upgrade: [6] They get a bunch of random people who think they're awesome and end up damaging the set when a fight breaks out between them. (show not broadcasting for next turn)

Inquisitors: don't be one-upped! Find your own arrogant jackasses to make people watch!
[4] They manage to find people as well, but the inquisitors actually keep them under control. (ratings now lackluster)

[Adragis]

Rosabel: Ask civilians if any of them know how to stop the rift.
300 mad cultists: Research how to stop the rift.
200 cultists: Try and convince the inquisitors to put effort towards stopping the rift rather than attacking me. A truce, you might say.
300 cultists: Even in this dark hour, go out and help the poor, sick and needy.
Remainder of cultists bar 1: Spend time with your families.
That cultist who may or may not have been trying to get me out on a date: Were you trying to get me out on a date?

[Aslandus]

Rosabel: Ask civilians if any of them know how to stop the rift.
300 mad cultists: Research how to stop the rift.
200 cultists: Try and convince the inquisitors to put effort towards stopping the rift rather than attacking me. A truce, you might say.
300 cultists: Even in this dark hour, go out and help the poor, sick and needy.
Remainder of cultists bar 1: Spend time with your families.
That cultist who may or may not have been trying to get me out on a date: Were you trying to get me out on a date?

Ask for help: [1] They haven't a clue, and when you mention the rift they start to panic and try to scramble for the exit (civilians panicking)
Research: [5] Luckily your mad scientists are more successful. They discover that the rift is a split in the dimension and can be sealed if someone with reality warping power knits it back together, or alternately if solid matter is bound to the edges then it will stop it from opening. (discovered seal rift ability, learned hold rift ritual {consumes solid material})
Diplomacy: [3] They manage to convince the inquisitors of the imminence of disaster, but the inquisitors only agree to get out of your way since they don't know any way to help with the problem. (inquisitors deactivated)
Help: [2] They can't calm down the panicking civilians nor can they bring more injured people past the crowd into the healing church.
Say goodbye: [4] They visit their families and talk about life. Even the ones who are a little crazy enjoy the down time.
Answer question: [1] ((Yes, I rolled to determine the response)) "What? No, that's just what the ritual called for. You have some cool healing powers, but who would want to date your ugly mug?" (Depression increased)

Aura: [1] There's nobody to heal, so your power overheals some of your cultists into bizarre monsters. An extra arm here, tumorous bulges there, long grungy hair everywhere, it's not fun to look at. (100 cultists now horrific)

Panicking crowds: ESCAPE!
[6] They trample many of your cultists trying to do their jobs in their rush, and some of the civilians aren't looking much better. (100 civilians escape, -100 cultists, 50 civilians trampled to death)

[carp]

ME: summon some carp in the bay where we put the subs
100 cultists: research a summoning ritual that doesn't require an or of stalwart
10 cultists: get the subs running and mobile
65 cultists: make or buy or steal sub parts
50 cultists: use the rain ritual on california to try and start making amends for what i've done maybe i'll lose a few inquisitors

[Aslandus]

ME: summon some carp in the bay where we put the subs
100 cultists: research a summoning ritual that doesn't require an or of stalwart
10 cultists: get the subs running and mobile
65 cultists: make or buy or steal sub parts
50 cultists: use the rain ritual on california to try and start making amends for what i've done maybe i'll lose a few inquisitors

Summon carp: [2] In absence of the ability to summon carp you try to turn some of the water into carp. You still fail.
Research: [3] They find a summoning ritual... oh for fuck's sake, this isn't a summoning ritual, it's a sunnening ritual! It causes the sun to come out and apparently involves pouring whiskey onto an illuminated spell circle. (found ritual of sunshine {req whiskey and light})
Make subs work: [4] They finally get the subs to go underwater. They quickly discover that the bay is kinda boring. (subs working properly)
Get moar sub partz!: [2] Maybe they should be looking for submarine parts in places that aren't the desert...
Make it rain: [4] They manage to get a rain storm to appear over California. Yay. Your inquisitors remain blissfully unaware of your cult's activities. (raining in California)

[carp]

my new goal: make the sun come out OF THE GROUND DESTROY DESTROY.
ME: reference the great carp archives for an interdimensional portal summoning spell or something to make the wormhole come from my dimension (they're not called the great carp archives because it has really good books about carp but it is full of books made out of carp of great proportions)(repeat this turn until i succeed)
50 cultists: get sunnening ritual ingredients.
50 cultists: research a spell that summons me to the oceans under the ice of europa.
100 cultists: WEEE HHEEEEE HEEEEE HHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
25 culltists: SUMMON THE HORSE MEN OF THE APOCLYPSE.
∞ cultists: FRAGNO MAGNO DRAGNO SAHG HAGNO LAGNO TAGNO MAHG FERAGNO SENAGNO TAYAHG?/:*',@*%^#%$(@(^$*>