”Hello everyone and welcome to the Minor Leagues! Must be too poor to go to a decent fight.””I don’t know about that Tom. I find these sort of cathartic.””You just enjoy watching the ones who can’t understand how to hold a sword hurt themselves.””Now that’s not true- HAHAHAHA! Did you see that Tom!? That one over there just cut off a toe!”
”Yes, John, I did. Anyways, it looks like the first match is about to start. We have the Dickus School of Battle facing off against a few farmers that the League drummed up.””Yes let’s get under… Well there went the first peasant up like a torch. Looks like they won’t even wait for our commentary.””And quite the show of swordsmanship from that young squire there. Killed two of them and only took a pitchfork to the chest for his trouble. Well I suppose that’s one way to show you're ready for the games.”MATCH SUMMARY:
Dickus School of Battle vs The League
Kaldor: 75/120 {+8 xp}
Mordana: 45/45 {+8 xp}
Peasant: 0/40
Peasant: 0/40
Peasant: 0/40
Turn 1:
Peasant 1 immolated by Mordana .
Turn 2:
Peasant 2 run through by Kaldor.
Turn 3:
Peasant 3 run through by Kaldor.
+59 Gold for the Dickus School of Battle
This next match seems as though it will prove a bit more promising.””Yes, Tom, with a Giant on the field I expect several bodies to go flying.””Too true, John, too true. Plus a Marksman. You don’t see that everyday.””You’re right. I’m too busy watching the Peasants try to use swor- HA! He cut off another one!””Riiiiight…. Anyways the match is under way and Hobin Rood plants an arrow straight into one of the possessed. But the demon vessels seem more interested in the giant. Punching and kicking his legs. Ooh…””That possessed went flying like the cost of championship tickets!””Well a little tree to the face like that won’t keep him down.””Look again, Tom, he’s staying down. Must have been a bit more painful than it looked like.””Maybe. Back in the brawl it looks like Hobin’s having a hard time hitting. Oh, nevermind. One of the possessed just went down.””And the last one just got picked up by Fezzik. What’ll he do? I’m hoping for a squeeze.””OH! A vicious uppercut by the Possessed… AND ANOTHER BY FEZZIK!!!””Wow that looked painful. Do you think he’s dead?””I can only hope so John. I can only hope so.”MATCH SUMMARY
Melonious Gladiatorial Management vs The League
Hobin Rood: 90/90 {+25 xp}
Possessed: -/120
Possessed: -/120
Possessed: -/120
Fezzik: 60/210 {+25 xp}
Turn 1:
Possessed 1 poisoned on Turn 1
Turn 2:
Possessed 1 falls to poison {Hobin}
Turn 3:
Possessed 2 poisoned on Turn 3
Turn 4:
Possessed 2 falls to poison {Hobin}
Turn 5:
Possessed 3 poisoned.
Turn 6:
Possessed 3 clobbered by Fezzik.
+65 Gold for Melonius Gladiatorial Management.
”Oh no!””What is it John?””These aren’t peasants holding swords Tom!””Yes, they appear to be Squires… What’s the issue.””They’re not going to accidently chop off their own limbs…””No, only the limbs of those Fighters. Quite the beauty on The Emerald Fawn’s side.””And good with a sword. She hit the Fighter and then dodged two different spear thrusts while her allies are circling around to give each another cut!””Beautiful and deadly? She’ll be loved in the arena. Oh… Too bad she couldn’t dodge that spell though. Granted neither could her friends. Ooh, looks like that gave the Fighter the opportunity he needed to hit her back… and there’s another spear to the leg. But her allies are still hitting the Fighters so- AND HOW DID SHE DO THAT!?””I’m sorry Tom, what happened? I was bored from the lack of self-mutilation.””You idiot, she just leapt over a spell and rolled past the first fighter to stab the second. But it looks like she hit him during the roll because he fell right after.””I think someone’s just using poison.””Of course they are! But it sounds better this way…””Well that Initiate sure is trying. Even without his meat shields he won’t give up.””Hm… I don’t think he like the way that Dudley is holding that sword.””Well he might not like it but it doesn’t look like he has a choice.””Yes I think Dudley was sick of those spells and I think the initiate got the point! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!””…”MATCH SUMMARY
The Emerald Fawn vs The League
Scale: 45/100 {+23xp}
Fighter 1: -/120
Dudley: 45/90 {+23xp}
Fighter 2: -/120
Scar: 45/90 {+23xp}
Initiate: -/45
Turn 1:
Dudley poisons Fighter 1
Turn 3:
Fighter 1 dies of Poison damage {Dudley}
Fighter 2 finished by Scar
Turn 4:
Initiate finished by Dudley.
+66 Gold for The Emerald Fawn
”Ahahahahahahaha-ha ha! Heh heh heh… Uh what?””That wasn’t funny Tom. Seriously, get some new material””Speaking of: It’s time for the next match. Three giants versus four fighters.””I see two ghosts on the field Tom.””Correction John. Two fighters and two cowards who couldn’t tough it out.””Well two of the giants just picked up one of the fighters. I wonder what they’re going to do.””Use him like a tennis ball apparently.””The other one seems afraid to join in the fun… Oh wait, no… He’s afraid of the ghosts.””Well it’s all in good fun.””The only member of that team still alive disagrees. He simply REFUSES to be a good ball.””I guess that’s just not how he rolls John.””…””…””… Anyways two giants are now running around in fear while the remaining one tries, in vain, to hit the remaining figh- oh there he goes. Right out of the park too. Good thing Fighters tend to believe in reincarnation.””Yes, maybe next time he’ll come back as someone who can actually fight.””As we all know Ghosts can’t really do much in the way of hurting things so now it’s just a matter of waiting until one of the three flailing giants hit them… There’s one… and there’s the other.”MATCH SUMMARY
Grrrrrrr vs The League
Fighter 1: -/120
Fighter 2: -/120
Bert:210/210 {+32xp}
Bort: 152/252 {+30xp}
Bart: 210/210 {+30xp}
Ghost 1: -/45
Ghost 2: -/45
Turn 1:
Fighter 1 is crushed by Bort.
Bart is paralyzed.
Turn 2:
Bert is paralyzed.
Bart is paralyzed.
Turn 3:
Bert is paralyzed.
Turn 4:
Fighter 2 is crushed by Bort
Ghost 2 is vaporized by Bart
Bert is paralyzed.
Turn 5:
Ghost 2 is vaporized by Bort.
+70 Gold for Grrrrrrr.
+25 Gold for Melonius Gladiatorial Management.
+20 for The Nightshade Academy
”Look! Look John! An apprentice! I remember when I was an apprentice. I thought I knew everything… Ah, so much has changed since then.””Not really, you still think you know everything.””I know how to turn you into a newt.””Oh please. You’ve done it before. I got better.””… Due to unforeseen circumstances I will be commentating the rest of the match alone. Now we have two members of nobility within this team. A knight, in name only, and a count! Let’s see how they do.””Well the Knight, in name only, seems far more skilled at dealing out hits. But Count Yorefingers certainly knows how to take a pitchfork to the side of the head. Really now, who swings a pitchfor- Oh! Right in the crotch… Seems like the Count could do with wearing a cup. Another miss by the Count and-“”Really Steve? That’s your best spell? The dying peasant dodged it! You loser! Good thing the knight, in name only, was there to kill him for you. Attention Count, that peasant appears to want to send a package of pain to your package. Ouch… It looks like he paid for express delivery. I would like to remind the peasant that kicks are fine but pitchforks to the groin are more preferred by the spect- Nevermind you caught a sword to the chest. Terribly sorry.””Damn it Tom, I thought we agreed not to do that!””Oh you didn’t miss anything except a few dozen groin shots.””What?””And another sword to a peasant’s chest courtesy of Count Yorefingers! Nightshade Academy wins!””I love shots to the groin… I hate missing one.””Well let me show it to y- AGH!””Don’t even try it little man.”MATCH SUMMARY
The Nightshade Academy vs The League
Count Yorefingers: 55/100 {+5xp}
Sir Odius: 70/100 {+6xp}
Steve: 42/42 {+5xp}
Peasant 1: -/40
Peasant 2: -/40
Peasant 3: -/40
Turn 2:
Sir Odius defeats Peasant 2
Turn 3:
Count Yorefingers defeats Peasant 1
Turn 4:
Count Yorefingers defeats Peasant 3
+59 Gold for the Nightshade Academy
+100 Gold for The Emerald Fawn
”Oh look! Dwarves.””Oh I love dwarves. They’re so blood thirsty. They’ve adapted battle field tactics to the arena for great success in all battles. They might be slow, but they’re hardy and powerful.””I don’t know John, in my experience they’ve always come up a little short.””Well we’ll see if they come up short against a few peasants. It’s really not a fair match.””Short. Because they’re short.””Two hammers to the face and one peasant goes down. Strange how-“”Shoooooooort.””- dwarves rarely break formation even when there are this few of them.””Like a dwarf. Get it John?””I am ignoring you now. Hm… The peasants actually managed a pretty decent simulation of the Dwarvern Shield Wall but, unfortunately, they don’t have shields. AND IT’S OVER!!!””Well that match was short. Eh? Eh?””I hate you sometimes.”MATCH SUMMARY
Centrian Conscripts vs The League
Hodor: 120/150 {+8xp}
Brodor: 135/150 {+8xp}
Peasant 1: -/40
Peasant 2: -/40
Peasant 3: -/40
Turn 2:
Brodor defeats Peasant 2
Turn 4:
Hodor defeats Peasant 1
Brodor defeats Peasant 2
+10 Gold for Biggus Dickus
”Well that’s all for another minor league match. In fact, that’s it for the games today! We’ll see everyone here next week.””Yes. This week’s games brought to you by the following sponsors: Excito-blades. When you need to slay the hair on your face, rely on the blades that are forged from a mace.””Also brought to you buy: Big Al’s Ale House. The most delicious brew. So tasty, even an elf can’t resist.””Contributions to your local militia men from viewers like you. Thank you.”
GOLD TALLY [including Upkeep]
+69 for Biggus Dickus {+90-11 = 148 gp}
+90 for Melonius {+10-33 = 67 gp}
+166 for Platinum. {+200-14 = 252gp}
+70 for Grrrrr {+50-30 = 90gp}
+59 for Vilka {+190-16 = 233gp}
Gladiators have recouped some health due to medical attention!
Week 1 has endedThe following Gladiators offer you their service:
You may no longer purchase gladiators that were offered during week 1.
You can also heal your gladiators for the standard rate at the brand new “Healers”! [[Check OP for details.]]
Biggus Dickus has been refunded 150gp for faulty merchandise[[As always, type
Advance Turn to go to the Preparation phase of Week 2.]]