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[Robot Parade Leader]

Every time I go to do anything, I get incredibly scared and don't do it, or wait until the absolute last minute, because I'm afraid of failing: self fulfilling prophesy.

I've been to doctors and therapists for years. They prescribe pills, and I've never seen them work for me. I've tried different meds, different doses, etc. My mind races when I think about certain things. I'm not dumb and I know somewhere that I can do things well. I've been put down my entire life, but my teachers have always said I did great work. I work long/hard until stuff is done. Parents aren't supportive and never were and that doesn't help.

I fake self confidence. I fake not being afraid. I'm always afraid about everything and that makes me depressed. Do get stupidly scared about stuff that is dumb, even games. To show you what I mean, I have Diablo III and I'm scared to fail at that. I know it's stupid. It goes for all my games but I brought that one up because there's no penalty for dying. I think your items need repaired but that's it. I'm stupidly scared of EVERYTHING including a game that has no down side to failing it. I don't fail it either and I'm still scared. 

I know I'll win that stupid game, or whatever else, but I don't do it because I'm so insanely scared. The idea of failing makes my chest tighten up and I have panic attacks.



What the hell do I do?

I know I need to go to a doctor somehow or a therapist or whatever but I'm scared that will be more money we can't afford and I'll end up right back where I am now. Things suck because I have panic attacks and trouble breathing when I'm scared and I'm always scared for no reason. If I go to another doctor I want this to work and I don't see how that can be different from all the other times. I don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on another doctor or therapist if I'm just gonna be right back where I started. All they wanna do is give me the same pills I was on before and they didn't work then so why would they work now? I don't wanna try that celexa or wellbutrin stuff again, but they keep trying it. I've been to like 3 doctors over the last like 7 years and nothing worked. I want it to work or at least not to repeat the same shit that didn't work last time.

I'm scared all the time for no reason. I tried to get help before and it didn't seem to work. They keep trying to give me the same damn pills that didn't work last time. What do I do to make any new doctors I try to see understand this? What do I do?

[LordBucket]

You might try oxytocin. You can buy over the counter sprays for cheap.

[hector13]

The thing about fear is that it's all in your head. It's an emotional response, and that can be controlled, with some thought and effort.

I don't think pills are the way to go, and if that's all doctors are offering you, that's probably not the best route.

This may help to some extent. It sounds like anxiety, but bear in mind I'm not a health professional. It's a Scottish thing, so the phone numbers and some of the website at the end probably won't do you much good, but the advice is universal, and it does suggest further reading material if that's your thing.

[Levi]

Maybe purposely die in D3 a bunch to see its not so bad?  Maybe if you fail a bunch of things on purpose(drop your coffee, type in the wrong PIN number the first time, etc) you'll teach your brain that failing isn't so bad?

[Robot Parade Leader]

Thanks for replying. I wasn't sure anybody would nicely.

Had weirdest game of D3 ever. Purposefully killed my character a lot. I don't know how to explain this, but it also goes for everything else. It isn't just dying in Diablo 3. I mean that's easy and I can just click for my character to go someplace where a lot of enemies are and sit back and watch it die.

What sucks is TRYING and losing. It's hard to explain because I know it doesn't really make sense. Its almost like I can say "well of course I died, because I wasn't even trying." It's like saying it's failure and not being good enough. Kinda like the kid in school who was just goofing off and meant to fail as a joke instead of the one who really really really tried and still totally screwed up. Does that make any sense at all?

Imagine feeling like you suck at everything but have to keep doing everything anyhow, even though you suck at it, forever, or for a long long time. Feels bad.

I guess I could ask about that chemical if I go to another doctor.

I appreciate trying to find some literature on the topic.

Another issue is that I don't seem to have any dreams or reasons to go on living and working. I used to and I don't know where they went, except I got hit hard by life and they got knocked out of my head.

I don't know what I want to dream about doing or having. I feel like I'm out of options and there's nothing I can do or eventually buy that will make me happy. I get scared about other people messing with me so I avoid them and weirdly that makes me lonely. So I don't wanna be around people but I'm lonely and kinda sorta do want them around me? That doesn't make sense.

I wanted to find a way to grow some or all of my own food one day, because I'm afraid of not having some or that I could save food money in case something else goes wrong and pay for it with that. I know it's a little paranoid. I look into it and it's just so expensive to grow things too. I am a very anxious person and like the idea of security and don't feel I have any. I feel a little crazy and maybe I am.

[That Wolf]

You might try oxytocin. You can buy over the counter sprays for cheap.

Drugs to solve an internal issues...
Not a good idea.

Robot parade, hello.
You sound like me a few years back, reading this made me smile.
Even you mentioning growing food and not paying for shit.
I do this myself as for it being expensive its only to start it up,

You dont want to be around judgemental strangers, I get it.
Making good friends is hard but they stick around.
If you are willing to really try you could take up various forms of meditation? It takes hundreds of hours to start getting good at it, It does help though and proper doctors should recomend it more

Anti deppressants are never the way to go. They numb your senses and hide the emotions you are meant to be feeling.
Im sure you dont want to be  drugged out all day just to feel 'better'
From what I cant tell, you are confused about your future and failure. Its okay to fail and you wont be terrible at things if you try and practice.
You will get through this feeling, you are always changing.
Remember a time in your life when you didnt worry? Well guess what buddy. As quick as it ended it will come back.
Life constantly fluctuates and you try to control it, just realise its always changing and it will eventualy get back on track and then for it to change again for better or worse.
I could suggest other healthy solutions but people think im trolling and it will seem very contradictory to my oxytocin coments

[i2amroy]

My suggestion would be adaptation therapy, similar like was suggested above, but you've got to modify it since you aren't afraid of failure itself, but of trying and failing. (Note, I'm not a professional here, I'm a random person on the internet).

I'd say pick up a game that you know is extremely hard (something like Super Meat Boy or They Bleed Pixels might work). Try to win as hard as you can, and (hopefully) you'll fail. Try again a few times and hopefully fail some more. Then stop. Walk away before you succeed and force yourself to face the (nonexistent) consequences of your failure. Come back the next day and try again. The idea is that by walking away before you get to succeed leaves you with the fact that you tried your hardest, and you failed miserably, but also forces you to notice that there were no real consequences to your failure (I promise that I won't think less of you if you fail at a hardcore platformed).

Keep at it, maybe find a few other hard tasks with relatively little failure consequences that you can try your hardest at and still fail. Take little steps and over time the exposure should help.

[Reelya]

^ this echoes what I was thinking.

I was thinking simple games that also demand a lot of attention might be good. How about Tetris? Nobody ever wins Tetris, so failing it isn't a problem. Also maybe grab one of the touhou games, like Touhou 6. I find that relaxing, with the art and music, but also very challenging at the same time. It's not a thing you will probably ever win. I haven't. A lot of anxiety seems to be from not thinking in the now, but thinking in the future, so maybe these very "now" kind of games that demand a lot of focus could be good for you.

Maybe set aside 30 minutes a day to play these types of games or something. I'd also ask what your time management is like? I find that scheduling specific time for specific activities helps me overcome anxiety. When I have lots of work due, it makes relaxing hard because I'm always thinking that I should be doing more work. So I set aside specific times e.g. 10pm-midnight to watch a movie. Because I've planned out this time and refuse to do my work during those hours, it makes the relaxing time less stressful, because I've already decided that 10-12 is movie time. A movie at this time also helps me to get into sleep mode.

Don't neglect the importance of food, regular sleep patterns, sunlight and exercise. These are things you can control. Fit these things into your schedule. Also, try and have personal targets every day. But if you have past targets you failed to meet. Forget about those. Today's targets are all that matter.

[Zangi]

I'm no doctor or anything... but what do you feel about watching others fail, repeatedly, but continuing to try anyways?  Maybe watching people fail at Demons Soul/Dark Souls(or some other hard games as previously mentioned) might do something... or not.

[Djohaal]

Making a diagnosis while not able to conduct a proper psychiatric interview over the internet (not to mention the whole legal mess given I'm probably not in the same country as you and thus not a licensed practitioner) is difficult, but assuming it is an anxiety disorder, there's lots of management options with medications. Depends a lot on the person, some people it fits like a glove and the symptoms go away, but others the response is only partial (but still beneficial). Side effects can be a mess and some of those drugs have a phase-in effect where they increase anxiety before kicking in and lowering it.

What drugs and which doses were you specifically in? While psychotherapy is the main pillar of any anxiety disorder treatment, the medications can help a lot too.

Finding a good psychiatrist you establish a good rapport can be difficult too, I've been seeing one for depression but I gave up, thankfully since I'm in first year of psychiatry residence myself I'm monitored by enough colleagues to test some other drugs... (terribly bad idea but oh the human hypocrisy)

[Caz]

I fake not being afraid.

When people talk about beating fear, they don't mean that they aren't afraid. They feel the fear and do it anyway, exactly what you are doing.

[Devin]

Djohaal has got things exactly right.

The one thing I might add is that lots of people don't know just how many medicines there are out there.  In the different antidepressant families alone there's something like a hundred.  The cool thing about that is that when people manage to stick to it and keep trying different things then the failure rate is vanishingly small.  Virtually everyone finds a medicine that works for them without side effects they can't deal with.

There are also proven things in the arena of therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy which trains the brain to recognize and redirect itself away from the thoughts that are causing the problems.  It can be a big help in every day functioning.

[HeroPizza42]

I can relate to what your feeling i have an anxiety disorder, ptsd, and social phobia all diagnosed. What helps me and im still working these issues is writing my worrys down in a journal another thing is exercise a bunch force yourself to not think on it exaust yourself it seems to work for me but im just starting so hopefully it works long term.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Start small. I have much the same the problems OP, though it has gotten much better recently. To help get past such crippling fear and anxiety, start by pushing your boundaries: things that seem insignificant or petty. It'll seem obviously silly, but taking a step on the grass where it says not to can be a oddly big boost to your own self esteem. Do things like this and graduate to taking a look around a corner you've always wondered about, etc. you don't have to be dangerous about it, just explore a little and do things you don't normally. When/if you feel ready, consider joining a club sport, especially one that ISN'T super competitive but still practices a lot and will gladly get you involved. It's a great environment to meet new friends, and as an extension, get out of your comfort zone. Of course, your question now is "Well, i'm still pretty afraid, what's to get me out of my cave-like room?" Well, acceptance. If you're so afraid, just accept that you WILL fail, and if you do, fine, you expected it, but if you didn't? WOW. You'll great because you fucking accomplished something. An addendum to this is that there will be times when you get discouraged to doing these things, but I promise you that if you force yourself to stick with it, you fear and anxiety will become less.

If you're in high school or college, take a look at their club lists. Sports can be a toss up, and any club can really, so talk to your teachers or club presidents and see what's up. Then: go. If you're out of school, consider looking at what your town has in the way of events, communities, etc. Do something you've always wanted to try.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

If you want to do this the difficult way, then I second playing a game in the Souls series. I learned to love failing before then, but Dark Souls really clarified to me that losing is fun.

All else I will say is that the specter of failure has never, ever matched up to what failure is actually like. Nor will it for most people with anxiety problems. You are capable of imagining things so horrid they have no basis in reality.

More miscellaneous advice is to stop consuming any caffeine, limit sugar intake, and stop watching mainstream news. All will cause your amygdala (responsible for fear and anxiety) to go into overdrive without an outlet.