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[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! Unfortunately, someone mistook you for a vampire... and now you're a vampire, apparently. Good luck.

I wish to be immune to curses.

[pikachu17]

May you live in interesting times is a curse. You die of boredom.

I wish to become a mighty unkillable dragon.

[Mathel]

Granted. You also can digest only princesses and sleep for 1000years at a time.

I wish to be cured of vampirism.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but people recognize your a vampire on site and you are soon attacked by people wanting to kill you.

I wish for all the potatoes.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, but all potatoes have the blight that caused the Potato Famine

I wish my IPad stopped with the flashing blue screen and still works

[Mathel]

Granted. Now all of your IPad except the screen flashes blue.

I wish to reduce entropy.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! You compact the entropy within your house into a small marble. However, when you stop pressing on the marble, the marble explodes, throwing shards of shattered marble everywhere. It's the second law of thermodynamics all over again...

I wish to increase entropy.

[Ibid Straydrink]

Granted! You compact the entropy within your house into a small marble. However, when you stop pressing on the marble, the marble explodes, throwing shards of shattered marble everywhere. It's the second law of thermodynamics all over again...

I wish to increase entropy.

Entropy is increased, but a sudden increase in the number of quasars constantly propel new energy into the cosmos. In fact, the rate of energy consumption is surpassed by the supply of new energy being inducted, causing thermodynamics to flow backwards to such an extent that everything is horrendously irradiated, and fish grow mammalian penises.

I wish I had too hooked penises, like those of a snake.

[King Zultan]

Granted, you get the hooked penis you wanted but you also get the snake it was attached to.

I wish for the snake penises to be gone.

[Mathel]

Granted. Snakes are no longer able to reproduce and die off. This has negative impact on many ecosystems.

I wish for a block of gold.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, you are held at gunpoint by pirates.

I wish to be immune to piracy.

[Ibid Straydrink]

Granted! However, you are held at gunpoint by pirates.

I wish to be immune to piracy.

Granted. You are immune to piracy, because you and everything related to you is worthless.

I wish my tongue was sentient.

[Mathel]

Granted. It realises it's terrible position and decides to kill it's master, choosing death for itself too. You suffocate on your own tongue.

I wish for a ☼<<☼Stainless steel dagger☼>>☼.

[King Zultan]

Granted, it appears embedded in your chest.

I wish the knife didn't appear embedded in Mathel's chest.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! It appears embedded in their nose instead.

I wish for a masterwork armor of slime imbued with a rune of summon thweeth.