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[King Zultan]

Granted, you get so many more waffles that you and every one around you is crushed to death by them.

I wish that waffles where alive.

[Cyne-Wulf]

Granted, and your genie even corrected it to were. Waffles are alive, sentient and capable of projecting their experiences to others. However, when they're made, the lack of organs and other vital functions, as well as the fact that they are cooked kills them extremely painfully. Their empathic projection causes the human race to go mad as millions of waffles are made every moment, and we all kill each other and ourselves to escape the pain.

I wish I had been warned in the most recent DF patch notes that my computer could actually run it at a reasonable fps before I set the learning speed higher to compensate for the fps issues I'd had before.

[pikachu17]

You had been warned, but it was with invisible ink.

I wish I was a mighty unicorn.

[UnicodingUnicorn]

Granted, you are promptly hunted for your horn.

I wish for a Bishop Mk. 1

[Dunamisdeos]

Congratulations, you have acquired a bishop of the early Christian church, circa 100AD. He moves into your living room immediately.

I wish for a comfortable couch.

[Ultimuh]

Granted. You however didn't specify WHERE you wanted the comfy couch.
It is currently located somewhere in the Sahara desert.



I wish I had this compass.

[Gigabytebob]

granted but the compass makes you wish for death you follow the compass to your attic to find a noose (to dark?)

I wish everyone would agree its a fact there are only 2 genders

[Maximum Spin]

granted but the compass makes you wish for death you follow the compass to your attic to find a nose (to dark?)

... a nose... *scary music* without a face?

Anyway, granted, everyone starts speaking proto-indo-european, which has two genders: animate and inanimate. Remember: nouns have gender, people have sex!

I wish for the Earth to collapse into a black hole.

[Cyne-Wulf]

Granted, it begins to die reasonably quickly, but then a rogue planet impacts the Earth-hole and drags the moon into it too. The Earth-hole then, destabilised by the mass falls gradually into the sun on a collision course with Venus and Mercury.
Because of the increased mass added to the sun by 4 planets anda moon, the other planets gradually fall into the Sun-Earth-Hole. Nothing other than the our probes care, and they run out of power, unable to help their progenitors.

I wish I knew if my granted wish made me an unbelievably beautiful woman, the wife of the king of Sparta who got kidnapped by Aphrodite/Paris, or the person who gets blamed for the Trojan war despite hernhaving no choice in the matter.

[Maximum Spin]

The most efficient way to grant that is to have it be all three. Granted.

I wish for the grantor of this wish to collapse into a black hole.

[pikachu17]

Granted, but then I become a god-like being. I smite you for your impudence.

I wish I had an orange.

[Paxiecrunchle]

Granted a very large orange crashes through your roof covering you in delicious orange juice.

I wish to live and never again suffer from pimples, while keeping my mind and body intact and retaining freedom of movement and communication, with my friends and family who should in no way be harmed by this wish.

thank you.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted. You are transformed into Helen of Troy, who has a flawless complexion.

I wish for clams.

[Cadeyrn Heffernan]

So now Paxiecrunchie AND Cyne-Wulf are Helen of Troy?

[Maximum Spin]

It seemed like the logical thing to do when we already have this turning-people-into-Helen-of-Troy spell lying around.