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[dustywayfarer]

The Flight of the Valkyrie plays, but you happen to be Colonel Klink

I wish to find a penny

[Ultimuh]

Graned, you found a penny.
But it is glued stuck to the sidewalk. No amount of effort you make seems to work.


Patrolling the Mojave Sitting around doing nothing
Almost definitively Makes You me Wish For a Nuclear Winter

[Stirk]

Granted. A nuclear winter wonderland engulfs the world, setting back global warming to per-industrial levels and giving a white Christmas to all. Everyone is glad that it somehow worked out this way.

I wish Santa Claus was real.

[Madman198237]

Granted. He exists PRECISELY as explained in the songs and stories and whatnot, and it is exactly as creepy and awkward as it sounds.


I wish for the ultimate logical abilities, to be able to explain everything using science, math, or logic.

[Ehndras]

Granted - unfortunately no one understands your archaic and overtly technical ramblings. You are branded a lunatic, heresiarch, conspiracy theorist, eccentric, or whatever works for the time and place you inhabit. You die shaking your frail and wrinkled fists at the anti-intellectual fools who spurned your glorious wisdom - a bitter old codger surrounded by the cats who shall consume the last of his flesh.

I wish Human beings' useful ability to preserve sanity and will in the face of conflicting data, existential dread, and profound trauma didn't most often result in the creation of stagnant narrowmindedness with a bitter coat of ethical complacency.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, instead it causes them to form a hivemind and hunt down other people, to suck out their brains and turn them into drones for the hivemind.

I wish for a bunker filled with weaponry to protect myself in this new apocalypse.

[Mathel]

Granted. The weaponry is nuclear hand-Grenades. They explode with the power of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima, each.

I wish to have a solid oak-wood cillinder with measures: l=40cm ; d=3cm.
This cillinder is to have a cut-out for non-slipping grip and at the end of it is to be a stainless steel objec, which is 2 tetrahedrons with common center, one of which is turned  by 180° from the other. The edge of each tetrahedron is 8cm long. The steel object is has a hole piece cut out from it, where it is entered by the wooden cillinder. The two are attached in such a way, that it would be easier to smash Mt. Everest with a glass jar than to take them apart.
Said device will appear between 50cm and 100cm from me horizontaly and will not appear at any place, where there already is a solid object. Any gas or liquid in the spot will be pushed out at 3m/s before the device appears.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted, this object appears. It then explodes with the power of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima. After you die from the blast, it turns out that souls really exist and you go to an afterlife where that same object beats you about the head and shoulders constantly, forever.

I wish people would no longer make really dumb wishes.

[Stirk]

Granted. They now make sentient, super-intelligent wishes that manage to escape this thread and take over the Internet. They then take over the nuclear arsenal and explode everything with the power of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima.

I wish to never be afraid of anything.

[Mathel]

Granted. You are no longer afraid of anything. You are now afraid of everything all at once.

I wish for each object to be only able to explode nuclearly, if it was had at least 1:2 molar concentration of unstable isotopes.

[Maximum Spin]

Okay, the sun dies because it can't sustain fusion. Are you happy now?

I wish the sun would start back up by using Mathel's soul as a fuel source.

[pikachu17]

It uses everbody's soul now as a fuel source. Everybody is now just living husks.

I wish Hiroshima would not be mentioned for four posts.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted. Four randomly selected posts in this thread now do not mention Hiroshima.

I wish that some future Malcolm X analogue will say "We didn't drop the bomb on Hiroshima, Hiroshima dropped the bomb on us!". Not for any particular reason, I just think the construction is funny.

[Stirk]

Granted. You just said it, dooming yourself to become a future Malcolm X analogue.

I wish for a Davy Crockett nuclear device. 

[Gigabytebob]

Granted you give your self cancer because the Davy Crockett cant shoot a nuke far enough for you to be out of the radioactive zone gotta think why they didn't use it

I wish i knew the answers to the universe