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[Puppyguard]

Granted, but the message is in the form of a pm, from me.

I wish for lightning fast reflexes that don't break my body.

[Stirk]

Granted! You go to Profile->Modify profile->Forum Profile->Personalized picture.
But you will never have as many firearm-centric avatars as me, thus it is corrupted.

Granted! Instead, they break your mind. Your brain can't handle those speeds, leaving you permanently confused as your body does things you can not understand.

I wish everyone on this forum would use rotating avatars.

[90908]

Granted, but someone somewhere has a fucking seizure because of it.

I wish I was more motivated!

[Maximum Spin]

Granted: I will stand behind you and stab you whenever you stop moving, forever.

I wish Puppyguard was made of lightning.

[90908]

Granted, but said lighting only strikes once. Goodbye!

I wish that I could I could live long enough to see another star!

[Maximum Spin]

Granted. You look up, see stars, then immediately die. You should have specified "close-up"!

I wish everyone who has wished before would wish their wishes again in reverse order.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but my name is temporarily changed to everyone and this happens only once, then my name is changed back from everyone.

I wish for lightning fast reflexes that don't break my body.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted; you now have a lightning-fast gag reflex and a lightning-fast startle reflex. Your other reflexes remain normal. Also, when these reflexes are triggered, your body emits lightning.

I wish to own my own planet.

[Ultimuh]

Granted, you now own a planet in the Sirius system.
Too bad you can't get to it within your lifetime.

I wish a Billion US dollars on my bank account (exempted from tax of course). And have the bank not really caring where it came from.
Nor would any police or IRS (or the equivalent thereof) ever be investigating it.

[TalonisWolf]

Granted, unfortunately an instance of identity theft leaves your account empty within a few days.

I wish for infinite, constant good luck.

[Puppyguard]

Granted. I gain infinite, constant good luck. Thanks TalonisWolf!

I wish to be able to share my infinite, constant good luck.

[Gigabytebob]

Granted but every time you share your luck it get cut in half but since you cant cut infinity in half it causes a black hole

i wish i knew were 90908's profile pic came from

[Dunamisdeos]

GRANTED. Google reverse image says it's some kind of anime called Berserk but also tagged it with "my body is ready" which I lack the courage to further investigate in context. Will you look it up? Will it be terrifying? Will your lack of action eat at you forever? This is your curse.

I wish for some butter, since I forgot to bring some for my baked potato today.

[AzyWng]

Granted, but the butter is salty. Really, really, salty. You can feel your tongue shriveling up as soon as you taste it. Ouch.

I wish for some candy.

[King Zultan]

Granted, it's in the back of that van.

I wish for it to rain.