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[Puppyguard]

Granted, EVERYONE plays Doki Doki Literature Club, So many in fact that eventually the power goes out from no one managing it and nuclear reactors go into overload.

I wish the evil elephants would all die to a fatal disease.

[Eric Blank]

Granted, but it jumps species to humans. Everybody dies.

I wish for good food from olive garden

[Paxiecrunchle]

Granted, however the food tastes so incredible to you because it contains the spores of a mind controlling alien parasitoid that reworks your brain and internal microbiome subtly so that all food from olive garden tastes wonderful to you and thoughts of going there fill you with euphoric pleasure. It bursts from your skull three months later and within a year gains control of all olive garden restaurants.


I wish I was that alien with a successful chain of businesses to manage.

[Screech9791]

Granted. You are now that alien controlling the successful chain of buisnesses.

Side effects: Having to fend off frequent XCOM raids daily, needing to manage your army of Men in Black, etc.

I wish to get a pet that's a hybrid between some explosive genetically engineered animals and a Sabertooth tiger.

What could possibly go wrong?

[GigaGiant]

Granted. You are now that alien controlling the successful chain of buisnesses.

Side effects: Having to fend off frequent XCOM raids daily, needing to manage your army of Men in Black, etc.

I wish to get a pet that's a hybrid between some explosive genetically engineered animals and a Sabertooth tiger.

What could possibly go wrong?

Granted. The aftermath of your wish is quite the sight. Dead bodies scattered around your yard, blood throughout your house, and your mangled corpse lying in your living room.
On the plus side, your pet is by far the most awesome looking creature on the planet. *thumbs up*

I wish I could spell the word pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis out loud.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but it is the only word you can say or write.

I wish to be able to survive in space without negative effects.

[blueturtle1134]

Granted. You are now a sentient gas cloud drifting in space, thoughts silently flitting from hydrogen atom to hydrogen atom. No sight, no smell, no touch; no pain, no warmth, no sensation or emotion of any kind. You are just a collection of ideas stuck into an infinite void, doomed to forever drift between the stars, feeling nothing, seeing nothing, receiving no new information, unable to affect or witness the outside world in any way. You are trapped forever within the confines of your own mind, endlessly replaying the thoughts you had at the moment of your transformation, stuck in an endless existence of boredom and blindness, until, billions of years later, the searing light of a sun finally blasts you into blissful oblivion.

I wish for a puppy.

[GigaGiant]

Wish granted.


I wish I had a kitten.

[Screech9791]

Granted, you get a hybrid between some explosive genetically engineered animals and a Sabertooth tiger.

I hope that everything goes to hell when that badass cat is nearby.

[Maximum Spin]

I hope that everything goes to hell when that badass cat is nearby.

Granted. Everything went to Hell. You are now in Hell, as imagined by some deeply troubled alternate universe Dante, being tortured forever. So is everything else, including the cat. Your personal torture includes having your bones turned into bees that force their way out through your skin, fly away, and regrow constantly.

I wish for a new integer to be created between two and three.

[bloop_bleep]

I hope that everything goes to hell when that badass cat is nearby.

Granted. Everything went to Hell. You are now in Hell, as imagined by some deeply troubled alternate universe Dante, being tortured forever. So is everything else, including the cat. Your personal torture includes having your bones turned into bees that force their way out through your skin, fly away, and regrow constantly.

I wish for a new integer to be created between two and three.

Granted. All mathematical, scientific, and engineering research grinds to a halt as nothing seems to make sense anymore.

I wish that I solve P=NP within the next decade.

[Stirk]

Granted. P=0 and/or N=1.

I wish that people would believe my blatant lies.

[Madman198237]

Granted. The many people disappointed that Project PROMETHEUS still has not gotten an update after the last time you promised one within a couple of days storm your house and tie you to a chair, from which you can never do anything but type out updates from Project PROMETHEUS.

I wish for an ICAR update.

[TalonisWolf]

Granted, but the update is headache inducing and near-unreadable and crashes your computer within 3 minutes without fail.

I wish for redeeming and enduring qualities.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, you get a magical hat that gives you these redeeming and enduring qualities. You put on the hat and felt the qualities spewing forth from it.

Then the voices started. The voices told you to feed the hat souls, for the hat is hungry and must be fed to keep your qualities active. You start a cycle: During the day you have your redeeming and enduring qualities, but during the night you are a psychotic murderer feeding souls to a hat.

I wish to be able to type at incredible speeds.