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[Urist McCoder]

Granted but due to you being a perpetual liar things quickly go south

I wish for the spirit and the letter of this wish be followed

[heydude6]

Granted. You create a paradox which creates a vortex that destroys the world.

I wish I was a good artist.

[crazyabe]

granted, but only when you are painting plans to kill the president


‼I wish I HAD THE POWER‼

[heydude6]

Granted, you are given the One Ring.

I wish you got the reference.

[Megggas]

Granted.  He now is an obsessive LOTR fan boy who won't stop bugging you.

I wish that the upcoming taverns update for dwarf fortress was released tomorrow.

[crazyabe]

Granted, it sucks and toady got hit by a car after he released it


I wish i had a clone machine and a cryofreezer

[SOLDIER First]

Granted.
They don't work.

I wish goonstation just, like, didn't exist.

[heydude6]

granted, all the excess players then flood to baystation. Enjoy your new "friends".

I wish I was a karate master.

[vkiNm]

Granted, you are now the Kung Fuhrer of Nazi Germany and a time-travelling cop from the 80's is hunting you.

I wish Star wars films were good.

[crazyabe]

Granted, because they are good because they don't exist


I wish i had a T.A.R.D.I.S

[Rose]

Granted, the daleks destroy it and the two people you most care about.

I wish I had better internet.

[UnicodingUnicorn]

Granted. But with your better internet you can no longer resist the urge to browse websites. Your productivity plummets.

I wish for a trenchcoat.

[NJW2000]

Granted, you now have trench foot to match. Stylish!

I wish that random word sites would give me interesting words.

[crazyabe]

Granted, but the sites are all porn related and the words are curses


I wish i had a "Porn watching" class

[heydude6]

Granted, the first few weeks are some basic "vanilla" stuff, before things begin to take a turn for the worse. It started off with some strange stuff like BDSM but then it went to some of the weirder fetishes. Then you were exposed to rule 34 and then you were shown some stuff that's "illegal". Just when you think things couldn't get any worse, for your final exam you are shown "lovecraftian"

After passing the course, you gouge out your eyes, slice off your genitals and swear a vow of celibacy.

I wish I didn't write this.

(NEVER AGAIN!!!)