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[Tawa]

Granted. You have a fancy hat. Nothing else.

I wish that I hadn't just suffered a bullcrap death in DF.

[flabort]

Granted. You survived to have your skin peeled off, your eyeballs shaved and jellied, and your bones extracted, and then you got crowned king of the tribe that did that to you. You still have no bones.

I wish that I could tolerate spiders, heights, and the outdoors.

[Lyeos]

Granted, you can only tolerate being on mountains while not in a building, with a spider on your face. Everything else freaks you out, including food and breathing.

I wish to quickly become the Resident Freak.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. If you look at the big picture, 2-3 hundred years is pretty much instant.

I wish I knew where I was in the forum-pecking-order.

[TD1]

Granted. Below me. You're all below me.

I wish the above was actually true

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Toady swings his ban hammer so that he can be back in his place.

I wish Toady had a literal ban hammer.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, on the forum pecking order you so egotistically believe in. In truth, we answer only to the Toad.
Granted, but he must first go on a quest to prove his worth to lift it, sacrificing valuable coding time.

I wish for JUSTICE TOADS.

[TD1]

Granted. Because JUSTICE, he makes you !!HugoLuman!!

I wish the Toad became Fenrir.

[Lyeos]

Granted, but he can no longer code. Gah.

I wish for great music.

[hops]

Granted, but the music is beyond the human hearing range.

I wish there is a town in Idaho called Duncan just for the sake of Duncan, Idaho jokes.

[BadLemonsXI]

Granted, But I don't know where these place's are and so no one can find the town.

I wish for more Illustrated Adventures *cough* Asperge *cough*

[Lyeos]

Granted, most of them die horribly, though 

I wish for a big, Bay12 Lower Boards welcome for BadLemonsXI. A toast, to the new guy!

[WillowLuman]

I wish there is a town in Idaho called Duncan just for the sake of Duncan, Idaho jokes.

(I'm obligated to provide my own for this)
Granted, but it's located next to Chubbuck.

I wish for a big, Bay12 Lower Boards welcome for BadLemonsXI. A toast, to the new guy!

Granted. We light him on fire (Welcome BTW)

I wish for more Illustrated Adventures *cough* Asperge *cough*

Granted, I shamelessly promote Dwarf Souls (sig link).

I wish for online classes.

[BadLemonsXI]

this is not a turn.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Lyeos]

Granted, as it happens, you lose all internet connection, forever.

I wish Kevak would shower BadLemons with foxes.

this is not a turn.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

((Believe me, that was the point.  Your lemon-based artwork is rather amusing, by the by.))