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[Scotsmen]

Granted. However, it fills up so quickly that there is no room left for your best friends, who now hate your guts.

Granted. You make an Oculus Rift horror game, which scares you so much that you go insane and commit suicide.

I wish I had an Oculus Rift.

[blazing glory]

Granted,you become very fat and greedy however,and die alone.

Granted,it falls apart really soon after though.

I wish Steam would just keep all the Early access games in their own category and for them to not appear anywhere else so I can have a easier time finding complete games.

[Scotsmen]

Granted. However, you can only get to the Early Access category if you go to a certain website, which no-one knows what the URL for is. No mo' EA for you.

I wish EA (Electronic Arts, not Early Access) didn't suck.

[blazing glory]

Granted,their just evil.

I wish I didn't have a ear infection.

[Arcvasti]

Granted, don't you know ear infections are caused by benificial ear demons? You missed out on your chance to receive unlimited power from it.

I wish for less mosquitos pls.

[Lyeos]

Granted, there are only three-thousand mosquitoes in the world. They're all in your room.

I wish that Kevak's hair was replaced with spiders. 

[Scotsmen]

Granted. There are far less, but the ones that there are are the size of cities.

Granted. He has complete mind control of the spiders, and send them to eat you alive.

I wish I had money enough to buy ALL THE THINGS VIDEO GAMES.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Kevak becomes the Medusa of traps. And he's in your living room.
Granted. You unknowingly purchase the same Oculus Rift game that drove me insane.

I wish I wasn't an empty husk with no soul to speak of.

[Arcvasti]

Granted, You are now an empty husk with a soul. This way you feel worse because you feel things more acutely due to having a soul.

I wish I could read minds.

[Lyeos]

Granted. You got to read my mind first. We're sending an apology letter to your family. 

I wish people would make rude jokes about both my mind and soul.

[~Neri]

Granted, you are held at gunpoint by a horde of nerds and gamers for the monies.

Granted. Kevak becomes the Medusa of traps. And he's in your living room.
Granted. You unknowingly purchase the same Oculus Rift game that drove me insane.

I wish I wasn't an empty husk with no soul to speak of.

Granted you now have a soul, did I mention you could feel emotions now? And you're tied down? Have fun with that Trap in your room~

Granted, You are now an empty husk with a soul. This way you feel worse because you feel things more acutely due to having a soul.

I wish I could read minds.

Granted, you read my mind and decide to become the Trap in Worldmaster27's room, have fun~

Granted. You got to read my mind first. We're sending an apology letter to your family. 

I wish people would make rude jokes about both my mind and soul.

Granted, they do this, just as you kidnap them and brutally murder them with lasers.

I wish for a wolf tail and wolf ears.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. You are arrested for animal abuse.

I wish I could have people arrested whenever I wanted.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, but they only stays in jail for 1 minute.

I wish for an adamantine sword to go flying into my head at a half the speed of light.

[Lyeos]

Granted, it goes straight through and kills all of your family members and loved ones. Hoho.

I wish for undead cats.

[Shoruke]

Uh... granted. However, since they're dead, none of them produce... whatever chemical that is that makes you hungry, so they aren't very interesting, and after a couple days of lying around they kinda just... crumble away.

I wish for the ability to make people undead, at will!