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[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. Your teeth are baconized and fall out! But, now you can't chew any bacon?! NOOOOO


I wish it was taboo to go more than 5 syllables without profanity.

[RAM]

It is now done. But per full stop. Also use of profanity is illegal. long phrase demise...

I wish for more self bacon.

I WISH FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO GRANT MY WISH THIS TIME!

[Playergamer]

Granted. However, this wish turns everyone on the forums except you into HugoLuman. Good luck.

I wish I could get to sleep after having a Doctor Who marathon...

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You watch the Idiot's Lantern and Fear Her again and fall asleep instantly.

I wish for the newly created legion of me to all play an RTD together.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. The events occurring in the game begin breaking the fourth wall, and the Lady is offended by what she interprets to be attempts at improving your l---.

I wish to be devoured by a pack of dingoes.

[Noel.se]

Granted. you also can't die, go insane or loose consciousness. You are sentient mass of flesh inside a dingo's stomach.

I wish I commanded an army of penguins.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You travel through space, preying on marooned explorers, but they invariably seem to defeat you with weapons made from rocks and sticks and use your reactor to make better anvils.

I wish for every copy of me to donate $20 to Toady.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. All of the copies download a total of $20.

I wish for a minecart particle magma accelerator.

[Shoruke]

Granted. It shall be built inside your house, without adequate heat containment infrastructure. Have fun baking, because you won't do anything else for the rest of your life!

I wish I had an efficient, legal way to kill stupid people.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. You lose the ability to do so.

I wish to be devoured by a pack of lawyers.

[Tawa]

Granted. Unfortunately, they leave your vital organs and you somehow do not bleed anymore. You are put in a box and forcefed food and water at intervals enough to keep you alive and healthy. You survive forever until you're the last thing alive. The life support system allows you to survive for eternity in a land of ultimate boredom.

I wish I could lucid dream every night.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, however everything you do is corrupted in many scrumptious voluptuous ways.

I wish for someone to make a dwarf fortress mod that replaces every creature with walrus-like eldritch horrors.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, it unfortunately replaces all the stone types with the previous creature entries.
now your walrus abominations need to dig through a layer of worthless kitten in order to reach the valuable toad veins you need to craft basic weapons and armor.

 I wish that weren't already a possible result of messing with the database.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. That will be a possible result a second from the posting of this post.

I wish to be able to both inhale and exhale fire and survive.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but if you do it for too long, you still die from not breathing oxygen.

I wish for eyebrow worms to be a thing.