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[nomoetoe]

Granted. You must now write about the year 2015.

I wish for a metric ton of whatever

Spoiler: this guy (click to show/hide)

my zeh ultimate dream. c;

I was at home in my attic with some humanoids I know and we were talking, at some point a shadow woman came over and searched deep within my mind, I warned her that she really shouldn't do that but she kept searching farther within eventually she found out that I was some dark ancient being that was nearly invulnerable and even if my physical body was destroyed I could easily recover.

I was now in a library and I was talking to someone I knew in a weird language sounded like growling while gurgling shards of glass, I dont remember much of that part. ;'c

I was now in a church, me and some humanoids did some stuff and I used my abilities to entertain them, but some soldiers attacked, I quickly killed them. We didn't seem bothered by the soldiers being evaporated and watched some TV, we started watching the news and they were talking about me, they apparently discovered my existence and were were arming themselves to kill me.

Later on I went outside I was outside and hundreds of jets came after me, they were using some kind of rare purple substance that could hurt me. My body was nearly destroyed at one point but I got mad and started teleporting onto the jets and threw them so hard that the g forces caused them to explode.

I was then with a bunch of adolescent humanoids and I was changing how I looked so that I could hide from the people after me, I took on the form of a human female so the peoples would have a harder time finding me. (I was very adorable C:)

I went to a restaurant with an acquaintance and the jets shot at me a few times but then flew off, I went inside and one of the employes asked if they had seen me, I told them I hadn't and ordered my food. I woke up and quickly fell back asleep.

I was male again and I found out someone was planning to capture someone I was fond of, so I flewported far away (to another dimension?) and I was now in a city full of sentient ponies, I went to a motel and found something at the end of a every darkening hallway. I heard a beast further within and decided to leave.

I went back to my home dimension and with some humanoids and the one im fond of and some soldier woman in armour grabbed the one i'm fond of and took her away. I was enraged at this point and decided to take on my female disguise again. I was then for some reason in walmart trying on a dress in the bathroom which was stuffed full of other woman also trying on clothes, I woke up the end.

is smoking.

I didn't expect to see that here C:

granted, you smoke it next to the metric ton pile of it, and its highly explosive so you die in a tremendous boom of boomness

I wish to have the power of thermal manipulation.

[tahujdt]

Granted, you can now manipulate thermals.

I wish the story I'm following would update soon.

[4maskwolf]

Granted.  Unfortunately, your computer crashes and you don't have a backup, so you can't read it.

I wish that there were more people on this forum.  We need new people.

[tahujdt]

Granted. However, they all want to sell you quality kitchens at low low prices.

I wish for a quality kitchen at a low low price.

[nomoetoe]

Granted but the quality of the kitchen is low like its prices. c;

I wish for toady to be a lich.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but he's a demilich, so no hands.

I wish animal control would stop letting their prisoners escape so easily.

[lemon10]

Granted. Animal control takes you prisoner, and you find that you are unable to escape.

I wish that Napolean rose from the grave and successfully conquered the world.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. All hail mecha-napoleon. However, 10 years later Mecha Hitler and Mecha Stalin arise.

I wish to get out of prison. Also, why am I their prisoner?

[lemon10]

Granted. You manage to steak out, and hitch a ride with passing aliens. A decade later animal control invades (so that they can control the aliens who are also animals), and takes you captive. You learn that that they were tracking you, and its your fault all the aliens are subjugated.
((You are their prisoner because, since humans are animals it's only logical that they would be imprisoned too. And since you are human, they imprison you.))

I wish that Mecha Hitler and Mecha Stalin band together to fight Mecca-Napoleon.
((Note that Mecca-Napoleon is Mecha-Napolean that has assimilated the holy Muslim city of Mecca into his body.))

[WillowLuman]

(Wouldn't animal control imprison themselves then?)
Granted. At the start of the fight, flesh and blood Teddy Roosevelt divebombs from space and flattens them all. Welcome to Earth-Murrica.

I wish they'd at least get Lenglon and the others, if they're going to go after aliens. Also, for a harmonica to play in prison.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. However you are all shoved into a cell of size 1 meter cubed. You cannot play your harmonica because there is no rom.

I wish I had the latest and greatest gaming system, the PS4

[WillowLuman]

Granted. However, you may only play the games for it that Yahtzee has reviewed.

(Crap. I remembered I'm apparently a bird now, anyway)
I wish for a prison break led by all of Arnold Schwarzenegger's characters.

[Erils]

Granted, but you are eaten by a vengeful fox during the chaos.

I wish that I could hide from animal control.

[lemon10]

DRATS. NINJA'D

Granted. You steal a ship, and pry out your sub-dermal tracking devices. The ship crash lands on a planet, only for you to discover that its the homeworld of the Predators, and they try to hunt you down one by one. The Swartzenagers kill all the Predators and escape, but since you are the only person who isn't super awesome, you are very quickly killed off to show how dangerous the Predators are.

Granted. You manage to hide by turning yourself into a plant. As plants are not animals, they don't care about you. As a plant you can't really think though.

(Wouldn't animal control imprison themselves then?)
Granted. At the start of the fight, flesh and blood Teddy Roosevelt divebombs from space and flattens them all. Welcome to Earth-Murrica.

((They are robots obviously. Also, that outcome is acceptably awesome.))

I wish Teddy Roosevelt traveled into the Animal Control dimension, recruited the Schwarzeneggers and fought with them against Animal Control for supreme control of MURRICA (they can have all the other parts though).

[WillowLuman]

In a spectacle too awesome to describe here, though I can assure you it involved grizzly bears, daleks, tidal waves, hurricanes, meteors, Greek gods, ancient Mesopotamian gods, moon lasers, steroids, and Billy Mays, Teddy Roosevelt and his hammy allies reclaim the earth from the robot menace and declare all lands part of the United States of Austriamurrica. However, all life on Earth perished in the awesome conflict. Good thing we were all in space.

I wish for a memorial to all the fallen.