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[Tawa]

Granted. Now it's Bruce Banner undead.

I wish for valid merchandise of enslaved kids.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. Your enslaved kids turn into mildly erotic figmas.

I wish I were paid more for my job.

[birdy51]

Granted. Your enslaved kids turn into mildly erotic figmas.

I wish I were paid more for my job.

Granted. Only due to inflation, the larger sum of money you get is actually worth far less overall.

I wish for birds. Birds everywhere.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. They kill everything in a B-movie spectacle before killing each other.

I wish I were a bird, for a limited amount of time.

[Tawa]

Granted. That limited amount of time is forever.

I wish for lug nuts excitement.

[WillowLuman]

(How is that in any way a limited amount of time?)
Granted. Your lug nuts become so stimulated that they shoot off, causing your car to fall apart at 60mph in the middle of a turn on the freeway. Luckily, you survive.

I wish Thorium power research had not been abandoned in the 60's.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, its the only thing that is worked on and nothing else ever advances, eventually a deadly disease wipes out most of humanity due to the lack of medical research. c;

I wish to be an all powerful lich.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You had stoneform and polymorph during the ritual, so now you're a turkey sand lich. _{Oh god why}

I wish for better puns.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

(Bravo bravo! The puns are real!)

[Tawa]

(How is that in any way a limited amount of time?)
-snip-

(Some feel that forever will eventually end.)

Granted. You had stoneform and polymorph during the ritual, so now you're a turkey sand lich. _{Oh god why}

I wish for better puns.

Granted. You may now only speak in puns.

I wish for zero encumbrance.

[IronTomato]

Granted. Pesky gravity no longer encumbers your legs. You float away.

I wish my friends used punctuation like me.

[tahujdt]

Granted. However. They, start? "Using" (too much): punctuation.

I wish for no tea.

[4maskwolf]

Granted.  All the water in the world boils off to prevent anyone from making tea and everyone dies.  Good job.

I wish there were fewer internet trolls.

[Tawa]

Granted. Web trolls are now called spiders. There are no more trolls, but spiders serve the same purpose.

I wish for a drum pen.

[IronTomato]

Granted. A guy keeps banging on drums with a pen, a drum pen, to be exact. He makes a lot of noise and plays badly.

I wish I had gills.