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[Erils]

Granted. Time stops and you now have infinity to do whatever you want. Unfortunately, as the passage of time has stopped, nothing you do will have any effect on the world around you.

I wish that I was able to speak every language on Earth.

[JackOSpades]

Granted you speak every language on earth simultaneously as such no one can understand a word you say and even attempting to pierce through the garbled babble to attempt communication causes irreversible madness.
unsurprisingly enough you are soon hired to make important announcements for subways, train stations, and airports the only job your still qualified for.

I wish the new south park game remained uncensored worldwide so that absolutely everyone might be universally offended by it, as was intended.

[NAV]

It starts world war 3 before the Russians can.

I wish for an oxygen atom.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Here's 3, bonded together.

I wish for juggling ability.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Granted, but you can only juggle burning hot coals.

I wish I got a real life GM stick.

[Tawa]

Granted. You rip the throttle out of someone's GMC sedan, and are later arrested for theft.

I wish for a cake that tells the truth, as opposed to what Portal would have you think.

(That is where that meme comes from, no?)

[Noel.se]

Granted, but cakes can't talk.

I wish cakes could talk and and would only tell the truth.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. They tell all your terrible, embarrassing secrets.

I wish for season 3 of various shows I watch.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, but they all suck.

I wish for every cell in my body to explode with the power of ten megatons of TNT.

[Erils]

Granted, but they explode sequentially over the period of trillions of years, unless they decompose first.

I wish I could twist paperclips into lifelike outlines of famous people.

[Tawa]

Granted. However, first, you get a stovepipe hat and put it on. Then, you shape a paper clip into the outline of Little Paperclip John Wilkes Booth, complete with a miniature paperclip gun that fires real paperclip bullets. He mistakes you for Abraham Lincoln and shoots you.

The Tiny Paperclip John Wilkes Booth fires his paperclip gun!
The spinning paperclip bullet hits you in the head, bruising the skin, shattering the skull, tearing the brani!
Elris has been struck down.

I wish for a stovepipe hat.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Granted, its an actual stovepipe.

I wish that several manga's endings were redone so they didn't suck so much balls.

[Tawa]

Granted. They now suck more balls.

I wish that anime could be funnier than it actually is.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. They now suck more balls.

I wish that anime could be funnier than it actually is.

Granted. You're stoned.

I wish for some corrugated steel.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Granted, but its all rusted.

I wish for 2 pounds of cheese.