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[tahujdt]

Granted. It's heavy, and an exposed wire inside of it causes your phone to shock you when you touch it.

I wish I could give my teacher the finger.

Granted. You give her your finger in a box for Valentine's Day.

I wish I could earn more extra credit in Web Design class.

[fractalman]

Granted, but your grades on your normal assignments plummet and you wind up one point short of passing.

I wish I had a time machine so I could play the next version of dwarf fortress already.

[WhitiusOpus]

Granted. You accidentally make a dimensional transporter, and wind up in an alternate reality where you are in a Dwarf Fortress. And I am the ruler.

  * WhitiusOpus issues new mandate: Create 500 adamantine picks.


I wish this was the real life, as opposed to just fantasy.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. But you are caught in a landslide, so no escape from reality.

I wish I hadn't lost my voice on this day, the day of in-class debate.

[WhitiusOpus]

Granted. Now your Voice decides to leave you on the day you graduate valedictorian, and you look like a total fuckup in front of everyone. Including your grandparents.


I wish for the next person to guess what my wish is.

[IronTomato]

Granted. It's HL's.

Granted. You gain additional voices instead, they overlap each other, making you sound like some sort of demon.
(Because ninja'd.)

I wish that the early bird got the bagel.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. It was your bagel.

I wish I could read faster.

[Erils]

Granted but you think slower, thus making it harder t ounderstan dwha tyo uar ereadin g.

I wish that I could read minds.

[jaxy15]

Granted. You can't turn it off.

I wish to not be able to feel pain.

[Erils]

Granted. You're dead.

...That was kinda obvious...

Here's a better one:

Granted. You are a simulated dwarf living in a simulated fort ruled by a cruel demanding Queen and an even crueler Overseer. Being simulated, you can't feel pain, but you can still die, and those clowns are coming for you. Have fun at the circus.

I wish that I could grant my own wish.

[Erils]

Granted. Everyone hates you for doing so.

I wish that I knew what the next wish would be.

[Lenglon]

Granted, all you have to do is read my post and you'll know.

I wish people would stop changing my gender back and forth!

[Erils]

Granted, all you have to do is read my post and you'll know.

I said:

I wish that I knew what the next wish would be.

Knew is past tense so that answer doesn't really grant the wish. In other words: I wished that I already knew, and you made me know later.

That aside...

I wish people would stop changing my gender back and forth!

Granted. You are henceforth and forever a hermaphrodite.

I wish that I was better at wishing.

[tahujdt]

Granted, all you have to do is read my post and you'll know.

I said:

I wish that I knew what the next wish would be.

Knew is past tense so that answer doesn't really grant the wish. In other words: I wished that I already knew, and you made me know later.

That aside...

I wish people would stop changing my gender back and forth!

Granted. You are henceforth and forever a hermaphrodite.

I wish that I was better at wishing.

Granted, however, you may only make wishes for other people henceforth.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but I intentionally misread it as "light you on fire"

I wish I wasn't sick, and instead was perfectly healthy.