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[Comrade P.]

Granted. They do twice less damage, but their quantities are doubled. For balance reasons.

I wish I had a Thompson Machine Gun with stock of red wood.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but it isn't enough to save you from the Bureau when they discover your speakeasy and stills.

I wish Axe Cop was a real person, and the events of his comic were factual.

[RAM]

<insert metaphysics> Wish granted, nothing happens.

Macguffin: (narratology) A plot element or other device used to catch the audience's attention and maintain suspense, but whose exact nature has fairly little influence over the storyline.
Jawa sand vehicle: Recurring entity, visually imposing, signs of battle, all very impressive, but ultimately, it was just a big sign saying "maybe those droids were important..."...

* RAM wishes for HugoLuman to be banned from the thread for six hours for being naughty and refusing to grant wishes for unfounded reasons...

[WillowLuman]

((A macguffin drives the story. It's nature might not be important to the plot but the object itself is central to the plot. It is a desired object or goal that motivates the protagonist, and plots often center on people competing for a macguffin. The jawa sand vehicle is neither cube-shaped nor a macguffin. Examples of macguffins include the One Ring, R2-D2, and the Maltese Falcon. Lenglon granted both our wishes but was incomprehensible when doing so. Additionally, my post was a commentary post and thus not required to grant or make wishes.))

Granted, but only once he actually commits those offenses.

I wish to eat cake.

[Comrade P.]

Granted. You eat a noce tasty cake, but then discover it was a birthday cake with a stripper in it.

I wish I could time-travel to Dixieland CSA in the period of Civil War (being white) and back whenever I want.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You're hanged for looking like an obvious Union spy.

I wish to be fossilized when I die.

[PTTG??]

Granted. Guess who didn't mention a duration?

I wish that this thread was retroactively extended back in time to have started in 2007.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

It... It already started in 2k7.

... So granted.

I wish I was my own slave!

[Comrade P.]

Granted. Your masochistical fantasies come true. Your personality has split in two, one is the slave and other is master. One of them constantly tortures and mocks the other.

I wish I knew more about WWI and WWII

[Erils]

Granted. You are a hero of your country and, learning from your previous experience in war and your time in jail as a political prisoner, lead your country to great scientific and military feats. Your people view you as a hero and believe that you can lead them to become the greatest country there ever was. You sometimes attempt artwork, still anoyed that a art college once refused to accept you. Sadly, you die on April 30, 1945, and are forever hated due to the mass numbers of people you had executed.

I wish that I had more free time, but was not dead, nor was my health or my job at risk, nor was the world or humanity at risk,  nor was DF or the forum it created at risk.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Granted. You are locked into a dimension, by yourself, with a rock and a stick to play with.

All the free time, ever. You'll likely go insane in weeks if you don't die of starvation first.

I wish for a rock to maim, kill, or otherwise affect me or anything around me negatively.

[WillowLuman]

Rocks fall, everyone dies. And the GM refuses to play anymore ever. Not playing games anymore, you proceed to get a job and remark this this was a net positive experience.

I wish for some damn good jam.

[jaxy15]

Granted. You get only a small molecule of it.

I wish to become a white blood cell in someone's body.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You become a white bloodcell in an HIV positive body.

I wish for time to proceed backwards from this point.

[birdy51]

Granted. You become a white bloodcell in an HIV positive body.

I wish for time to proceed backwards from this point.

You proceed to proceed backwards through time, until you cease to exist.

I wish for luck and wisdom.