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[Nirur Torir]

Granted, aliens abduct you and put you in stasis for later use to fight the heat death of the universe.

Granted, but he's an epic level monk.

I wish to join this party as an offensive class.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, you're a Brownie Barbarian.

I wish for a Troll Bard.

[JackOSpades]

Granted you get banned from everywhere for Trolling.

I wish to join this adventure as the merchant who sells you armor and potions at 10x market value from behind an Impenetrable plot counter.

[Xazo-Tak]

Granted, you're frozen there, never able to move for all eternity, as with all such npcs.

I wish for the next poster to use 20 emoticons.

[JackOSpades]

  Granted Well? People Of Rome Are You Not Amused?  

I   Wish to   not have to speak in   emoticons again.

[IronTomato]

Granted.
Tomato slaps Jack.
Quit makin' those faces, boy.

I wish for the next DF update.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, the update transforms it into a microtransaction game where everything your dwarfs could build or do requires you to pay with Armok dollars which are purchasable from the Fortress store only $10 for 100 AD.

I wish micro-transations in games would go Die already.

[Erils]

Granted. They die and come back as zombies. The zombie micro-transactions infect all the other aspects of the game and even other games until all games are simply micro-transaction zombies.

I (the cat) wish to join the previously mentioned adventure as a cat and pet of someone.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You are the dungeon master's pet Displacer Beast, and we kill you for XP.

I wish I could enjoy DnD, instead of being hindered by childhood memories of being forced to play it with jerks.

[IronTomato]

Granted. Losing is fun, and now it's personal.

I wish I knew where to get a DnD set and had people to play it with. And time to play it.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You join one of the many DnD campaigns on this forum, abandoning all other threads to make time for it.'

I wish to send a cat into space, and for it to return safely.

[IronTomato]

Granted. You join one of the many DnD campaigns on this forum, abandoning all other threads to make time for it.'

I wish to send a cat into space, and for it to return safely.

(Thank you')

Granted, Jeb the cat has now become one of the first catstronauts. He returns safely, but has space madness.

I wish to go to the moon to do Kung Fu with a friend.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You battle for eternity.

I wish it was 8PM already

[IronTomato]

Granted. You are teleported to 8pm, and your 8 o'clock self sees you and kills you.

I wish I could stand in fire and not burn.

[Mesa]

Granted. You now burn when not standing in a fire. And there are firefighters coming your way.

I wish I could speak Russian.