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[WillowLuman]

Granted. Urist proceeds to kill you by consuming all you supplies and forgetting to bring you more, because that's just not as big a priority as standing around doing nothing.

[IronTomato]

Granted. You also suffocate in the vacuum.

I wish for a chocolate bar. (Spongebob Reference)

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted, but Spongebob totally eats his chocolate bar and also eats yours as well. THE THIEF. It seems like you make up and everything is fine by the end of the episode but you secretly harbor enmity for the little yellow man for the rest of your days. You spend the rest of your time trying to get him in trouble, pretending simple buffoonery. He's oblivious. Until one day your plan to have a shark eat him backfires hilariously and you find yourself hanging by one finger at the precipice of a hot undersea vent. Spongebob is crouched above you reaching to help you up, when he leans in close and his lips reach to your ear and he whispers "Now all the chocolate bars are for me, Patrick" as he flicks your finger free and laughs giddily above and watches you spiral down, down, into the inescapable boiling depths.

I wish for the next person's wish to be subverted in my favor.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, and because of your adorable avatar you shall receive twice whatever I do for my next wish.

I wish (keeping in mind that LeoLeonardoIII shall receive this x2 due to his wish.) to be beaten half to death.

[Lenglon]

Granted, you're beated half to death, Leo is beaten back to life. Leo, looks like you're going to auto-revive upon your next death, use your extra life well.

I wish JackOSpades would stop trying to warp the wishing system itself... and that my pet fox gets a friendly fox playmate.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted, but it's just JackOSpades in a costume.

I wish that genie lamp would rub itself, wish to be turned inside-out, plopping the genie on the floor all bewildered. And that he thought wer6 did the wish.

[wer6]

Granted, however the genie is Wer6, and is severly confused on how he did this miracle, and proceed to laugh as he is free, and preceed to use wishs to smite the nearest person, Being you

I wish for A god to smite stuff for me.

[Lenglon]

Granted, I smite you and return you to your proper place in the world, inside the lamp, because such imprisonment is good for your soul.

I wish JackOSpades got stuck inside the fox costume.

[IronTomato]

Granted. He runs around yelling "What does the fox say?" followed by annoying noises.

I wish I never need to suffocate someone in a vacuum again.

[Lenglon]

Granted, you get a pillow.

I wish...
no
I act:
Yell at JackOSpades to shut up already! that joke got old a long, long time ago!
now then, where was I?
oh, yes.
I wish I could exhale fire at will with neither preparation nor self-harm. and fully under my control to activate or not.

[Erils]

I wish I never need to suffocate someone in a vacuum again.

Edit:(NOOOO!
       I got Ninja-ed!)
 
Granted. You can now only crush them withtheir over-explained wishes, grantings, explanations, lessons, morals, smitings, stories, advenures, lives, cardbord box fortresses, foxes, genies, explanations, photos, songs, memories, personalities, icons, likes, dislikes, facebook profiles, tweets, quotes, lamps, FONT SIZES, videos, drawings and lists.

I wish I could exhale fire at will with neither preparation nor self-harm. and fully under my control to activate or not.

Granted. Unfortunately you are now a hideous beast that kills anyone who sees you long before you can breathe your fire at them.

I wish that my afore-mentioned list does not crush me

[Lenglon]

Granted, I crush you first EDIT: correction, I think I'm on your list somewhere, instead: A piano falls on you and crushes you first.

I wish I wasn't hideous!

[Oglaf]

Granted. Now you're only ugly.

I wish a mysterious electromagnetic wave would sweep the earth, converting all fonts on the internet to 24 pt font wingdings.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but the system automatically corrects it at 1 AM.

I wish to emulate John Freeman, brother of Gordon Freeman.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted, but the emulator always runs slower than whatever it emulates, so you're perpetually stuttering and disconnecting.

I wish my games would work again :/