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[JackOSpades]

Granted, you are a Cat, you used to live in the alley behind a Chinese restaurant but tonight your going to become sweet & sour "pork"

I wish I hadn't watched the documentary that showed just that thing happening.  Still bothers me years latter.

[flame99]

Granted, but they're the deadbeat spiders from god-only-knows how long ago.

I wish Civilization 5 didn't crash on launch.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. Instead it's Train Sim 5.

I wish I had good duct tape.

[Mesa]

Granted. You get 2 centimeters of it.

I wish my hat could wear a hat.

[RadtheCad]

Granted.  All hats wear hats, including the hats worn by hats.  This overloads the universe, filling reality with fractal hat-dom.  It's like an average game of TF2. 

I wish we had a time travelling spaceship in which to explore the events that led to this possibly genie- induced madness.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, your ship travels through time while remaining in the same location in space, thus since everything else in the universe is in motion, in any time but the present your ship is in deep space far from the sol system. it also lacks FTL capability so traveling back to earth will likely take longer than getting back to the present by time travel. congrats on your completely useless Time machine.

I wish More people realized just how fast we are going while seeming to remain motionless.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, you receive Chuck Nerris, no relation to Chuck Norris he's not even a martial artist action movie star or anything so he doesn't do much except whine about going home to his wife and kids... what a loser, are those sirens in the background?

Aha, but Nerris wasn't a typo, so I got what I wished for uncorrupted. MWAHAHAHAHA!

Granted, your ship travels through time while remaining in the same location in space, thus since everything else in the universe is in motion, in any time but the present your ship is in deep space far from the sol system. it also lacks FTL capability so traveling back to earth will likely take longer than getting back to the present by time travel. congrats on your completely useless Time machine.

I wish More people realized just how fast we are going while seeming to remain motionless.

Granted, but they just don't care.

I wish for a rocket sled.

[Mesa]

Granted. It exploded in your face due to weird KSP physics.

I wish for a tea party.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, angry lower class white people camp out on your lawn waving protest signs while chanting about the 1%

I wish for a sandwich.

[WillowLuman]

You get a mustard and cartilage sandwich.

I wish for a similar sandwich.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, you receive a Simian sandwich it appears to be Sliced Baboon on banana bread with a side of diced candied rhesus macaque.

I wish for some rhesus pieces as well.

[RadtheCad]

Granted.  You receive pieces of a Rhesus Macaque- enough pieces to make up a full Macaque.  Conveniently, they *do* make up a complete macaque.  How convenient.

It continues to tear you to shreds.


I wish Rhesus Macaques would explode upon coming into contact with blonde humans.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, you receive a Simian sandwich it appears to be Sliced Baboon on banana bread with a side of diced candied rhesus macaque.

That sounds like it might actually be good.

I wish Rhesus Macaques would explode upon coming into contact with blonde humans.

Granted, though what is this "blonde" color of which you speak?

I wish to bring the Haast's eagle back from extinction.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, Haast's eagle comes back from extinction as zombies, the flying undead swiftly attack and turn the living the multi-species zombie plague covers the world in a matter of months not even Madagascar's famed closing of the sea port is enough to save them as flying zombie "birds" lead by Haast's eagles easily cross over from africa.

I wish for the next poster to suffer critical Existence failure.

[weenog]

I wish for the next poster to suffer critical Existence failure.

Literally laughing aloud, here.  I've been clinically dead twice.  I got better.

I wish I had the time and resources to play D&D again.