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[Erils]

Granted, but they all die on re-entry with the ground.

I wish that the dwarves in dwarf fortress could make spaceships.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Being made of steel and bronze, the engines stall after reaching a few hundred feet, leading to fiery crashes. Evidently Magma, having the mass of rock, does not make good flight fuel.

I wish I could mark holidays on the Kerbal calendar, to celebrate the return of Jeb from space.

[Baffler]

Granted. But nobody will work on those days, or the day before and after.

I wish I could understand and be understood by speakers of any language.

[HissinhWalnuts]

Granted but all words but profanity are bleeped out.

Enchilada plox.

[Lenglon]

Enchilada plox.

Granted, there is now a pox on all Enchiladas.

I wish for a kitten.

[Scood]

the kitten eats  your face.

I wish to live in the locations of my choice, in a physically healthy, uninjured, and apparently normal version of my current body containing my current mental state, a body which will heal from all injuries at a rate three sigmas faster than the average given the medical technology available to me, and which will be protected from any diseases, injuries or illnesses causing disability, pain, or degraded functionality or any sense, organ, or bodily function for more than ten days consecutively or fifteen days in any year; at any time I may rejuvenate my body to a younger age, by saying a phrase matching this pattern five times without interruption, and with conscious intent: 'I wish to be age,’ followed by a number between one and two hundred, followed by ‘years old,’ at which point the pattern ends - after saying a phrase matching that pattern, my body will revert to an age matching the number of years I started and I will commence to age normally from that stage, with all of my memories intact; at any time I may die, by saying five times without interruption, and with conscious intent, 'I wish to be dead’; the terms 'year' and 'day' in this wish shall be interpreted as the ISO standard definitions of the Earth year and day as of 2006.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, though you show poor judgement in the place you wish to live. Enjoy your life in a trailer park 20 miles east of Riverside, CA. Also, 'sigmas' is an undefined term, so we are forced to assign it a negative value.

I wish for shorter wishes.

[flame99]

Granted. All wishes are now in an alien language in which all passages, no matter how long they are, consists of a single character, which is incomprehensible to any human reader.

I wish I would stop dying in Improbable Island.

[Scood]

granted you now die in the ocean.

I wish that I shall obtain; now and at all times hence; legally and without harm to others or myself, all such material possessions as I, being of sound mind, desire, and that receipt of same should occur within twenty-four earth hours (one day) of the desire becoming known to me. UNLESS DURING THAT PERIOD I DECIDE,OF MY OWN FREE WILL, THAT I DO NOT WISH TO RECEIVE SAID ITEM OR ITEMS.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but in exchange you must join our monastic order and renounce all earthly desires.

I wish for terser wishes.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Yep, you obtain all your desires for a really long time, until you're found out by the cops. See, your stuff was acquired legally according to the laws of an obscure tribe that doesn't think theft is criminal. Next time include the jurisdiction of the laws under which your wish applies.

I wish for four fabulous fishes floating fairly, fins fanning foil fireplaces frequently, forever.

EDIT: Damn you ninja I'm posting this anyway.

[flame99]

I wish for four fabulous fishes floating fairly, fins fanning foil fireplaces frequently, forever.

Granted. You are stuck staring at the fishes, forever, while you mutter alliterations under your breath.

I wish for terser wishes.

Granted. All wishes are now all but incomprehensible, they're so short.

Wish wishes longer again.

[HissinhWalnuts]

Granted but most them involve lots of sexual and violent terms.

EN-CH-I-L-A-DA!

[WillowLuman]

IT-MADE-OF-PE-TROL

HULK-SMASH

[SOLDIER First]

GRAN-TED
HE SMASH YOUR HE-AD

I WISH THERE WERE AIR-PLANES INTHENIGHT SKYY
LIKE SHOOTING STAAARS