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[WillowLuman]

Granted. They do not exist, and thus cannot wish anyone does not wish that they do not wish.

I wish to destroy the world.

[Cheesecake]

Granted. You destroy your mothers basement, the only world you've ever known or will know.

I wish my Internet would speed up.

[RAM]

I wish that the internet was reserved for people like me.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You destroy your mothers basement, the only world you've ever known or will know.

Now there's a corruption! I was expecting "granted but everyone dies" or "but it also destroys mars."

As a reward, your internet speeds up until you can no longer pay for the new technology required to sustain it.

I wish that the internet was reserved for people like me.

Granted. People who don't corrupt wishes can use the internet.

I wish for the dimension-warping powers of USB flash drives.

[RAM]

Hey! That WAS a corruption! You people have no appreciation for experimentation... *cries in a corner*

Your data-output is converted to only be compatible with U.S.B. connectors.

I wish to know the words to every song.

[Remuthra]

You know the words to Happy Birthday, If You're Happy and You Know It, and all classical music. All other music falls into the classification of "composition".

I wish anything I touched turned to gold.

[Cheesecake]

Granted. After leaving the bathroom, your pants feel slightly heavier.

I wish that time would go by slower.

[WillowLuman]

Hey! That WAS a corruption! You people have no appreciation for experimentation... *cries in a corner*

You didn't corrupt cheesecake's wish.

I wish anything I touched turned to gold.

Granted. Everything you touch turns to pyrite, which leads to exponential increase in the acidification of the environment due to
reactions with water. Also, you can't eat or use the computer, but who cares about that?

Cheesecake: granted. Each keystroke takes 10 seconds to produce a response on the computer. And that's just typing.

I wish for success to all my friends. And Zoidberg.

[RAM]

Zoidberg successfully eats all your friends, and your friends are successfully delicious.

I wish that people would recognise that by wishing for restrictions to be placed on internet usage I was corrupting a wish for the internet to be faster.

[Rose]

Granted, but nobody cares, because they're all distracted by delicious pancakes.

I wish I had an army of clone slaves to do my bidding.

[Cheesecake]

Granted. You forgot that you aren't a clone and force yourself to work for yourself.

I wish that dinner would come fast.

[RAM]

90% of the speed of light fast? Oh, well that is no fun, in that case it skips basic safety protocols and you spend the next three days trying to determine which end should be facing the latrine...

I wish an object whose properties, all of them, were completely subject to my commands.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but I kill you for this immensely valuable object.

I wish for a Skyrim map and character in the next smash bros game.

[timferius]

Granted, but I kill you for this immensely valuable object.

I wish for a Skyrim map and character in the next smash bros game.

Granted, the map is an empty snowy field, and the character is a shopkeeper with a pot on his head.

I wish for some games to come out that would justify me buying a WiiU, because I love Nintendo, but right now, nothing really screams 'buy me' (but I don't want anything literally screaming at me please and thank you).

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Nintendo creates the best game, ever, leading to their total domination of the video game market. Their success and wealth encourages them to move into other markets, which they soon take over as well. Pretty soon they own the militaries and governments of 90% of all nations on earth. On the bright side, you get to kill robot dinosaurs with a flame katana from the comfort of your own living room while playing in the attic.

I wish for the ability to eavesdrop on people from across the street.