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[Iceblaster]

Granted, you are now a lemon-person

I wish I could make you into a combustible lemon-man

[Ameablable]

Granted but you are now ill from moon rocks you recently ordered.

I wish i didnt have to wish.

[Iceblaster]

Granted, but you cause a paradox due to not being able to wish, meaning that this 'Granted' wouldn't exist... meaning that... something

I wish I wasn't ill from moon rocks

[Ameablable]

Granted. your dead.
The technology you had developed to become a robot in charge of your facility by downloading your brain into it uses your wife Caroline's brain instead of your own. The system is known as Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

i wish that i had a parodox undo-er

[Demdemeh]

Granted. Every time you use it, you obliterate an entire timeline, leading to a universe with no possibilities.

I wish I had control of the flow of time.

[Iceblaster]

Granted but you become bored with a perfect life and eventually become a hermit in a cave, doomed to a life of boringness

I wish that world peace was true

[Ameablable]

Granted. but world peace is achieved by north korea taking over the world.

i wish i had a portal gun.

[timferius]

Granted. but world peace is achieved by north korea taking over the world.

i wish i had a portal gun.

Granted, However, it only opens portals to several of the lower planes of hell.

I wish for a sprawling castle, garrisoned with loyal guards.

[Iceblaster]

Granted, but your castle is attacked by a dragon and it slowly pinches off your guards' limbs with its left wing.

I wish to have a ray gun that changes gender

Don't question my wishes

[WillowLuman]

Granted. It is performed by Toady's cat Scamps outside your window while you are trying to sleep. Every, single, night.

Ah, but that's not an annual musical.

And congratulations, timferius, you are King Louis XVI.

Granted, Iceblaster, but it also vaporizes the target.

I wish to know the purpose of 30,000 lbs of bananas.

[Iceblaster]

Granted, but you soon find the purpose to be uncomprehensible to your feeble human mind

I wish to be able to talk like 'Fwiffo' from Star Control 2/Ur'quan masters

[Lenglon]

Spoiler: 30000lb of banannas (click to show/hide)

It was just after dark when the truck started down
the hill that leads into Scranton Pennsylvania.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds (hit it Big John) of bananas.

He was a young driver,
just out on his second job.
And he was carrying the next day's pasty fruits
for everyone in that coal-scarred city
where children play without despair
in backyard slag-piles and folks manage to eat each day
about thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, just about thirty thousand pounds (scream it again, John) .

He passed a sign that he should have seen,
saying "shift to low gear, a fifty dollar fine my friend."
He was thinking perhaps about the warm-breathed woman
who was waiting at the journey's end.
He started down the two mile drop,
the curving road that wound from the top of the hill.
He was pushing on through the shortening miles that ran down to the depot.
Just a few more miles to go,
then he'd go home and have her ease his long, cramped day away.
and the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

He was picking speed as the city spread its twinkling lights below him.
But he paid no heed as the shivering thoughts of the nights
delights went through him.
His foot nudged the brakes to slow him down.
But the pedal floored easy without a sound.
He said "Christ!"
It was funny how he had named the only man who could save him now.
He was trapped inside a dead-end hellslide,
riding on his fear-hunched back
was every one of those yellow green
I'm telling you thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

He barely made the sweeping curve that led into the steepest grade.
And he missed the thankful passing bus at ninety miles an hour.
And he said "God, make it a dream!"
as he rode his last ride down.
And he said "God, make it a dream!"
as he rode his last ride down.
And he sideswiped nineteen neat parked cars,
clipped off thirteen telephone poles,
hit two houses, bruised eight trees,
and Blue-Crossed seven people.
it was then he lost his head,
not to mention an arm or two before he stopped.
And he slid for four hundred yards
along the hill that leads into Scranton, Pennsylvania.
All those thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

You know the man who told me about it on the bus,
as it went up the hill out of Scranton, Pennsylvania,
he shrugged his shoulders, he shook his head,
and he said (and this is exactly what he said)
"Boy that sure must've been something.
Just imagine thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of mashed bananas.
Of bananas. Just bananas. Thirty thousand pounds.
of Bananas. not no driver now. Just bananas!"

Granted, and it even comes with his cowardice as well for the full effect!

I wish I had a bottle filled with ALL THE HATE, ALL OF IT!

[pisskop]

Granted, here is a box.  All the hate created up until this point is there, just don't look inside it . . .

I wish for a large, juicy but not greasy cheeseburger with swiss cheese on it and no bacon.  I don't eat piggies.

[Iceblaster]

Granted, but the waiter gets it wrong and gets you bacon on it

I wish to gain foresight into the future!

[wer6]

Granted, you see your self dieing, this drives you into insanity as you look into the future with A different death each time you try to prevent it and you succumb to killing you self.
I wish for A fish on A dish with A orange on top.