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[RAM]

Unable to parse punctuation, grammar, and spelling.

I demand a shrubbery.

[Lenglon]

You get nothing but a sense of Déjà vu, because you didn't wish... yet again

I wish i had a snail in a !!bottle!!.

(snail in a bottle, the bottle is on fire
why can't you read DF??? dont tell me you dont know what a +sword+ is. )

EDIT: replaced Dejavu with Déjà vu since RAM was being picky.

[RAM]

Unable to parse ‼punctuation‼, ‼grammar‼, and ‼spelling‼.

I demand a shrubbery.

[Lenglon]

Again, you get nothing  but a sense of Déjà vu because you didn't wish.

I wish I had a snail in a bottle while the bottle is on fire.

(how many times are we going to have to go through this cycle?)

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but RAM destroys it after insisting he can't comprehend its existence.

I wish for RAM to get his goddamn shrubbery. And pancakes.

[Lenglon]

Granted, RAM has a shrubbery in hell, it doesn't last long. neither do the pancakes.

I wish I had a Giant Cave Spider... that's on fire. because fire.

[RAM]

You get a ‼giant cave spider‼ that is made of fire, that makes ‼webs‼ of fire and turns everything it comes into contact with into fire that, in turn, turns whatever it touches into fire. Soon everything is fire, and giant cave spiders, and webs. The fire giant cave spiders go on to build a flaming civilisation and constructions of flame webs and it is just like before except nobody cares about fire anymore because fire has become monotonous and uncool...

I wish for the ability to curse things so that they cannot be discarded.

[Demdemeh]

Granted. Unfortunately, these things must be in your possession for the ability to work. You are soon overburdened with extremely heavy items you cannot get rid of.

I wish for super strength.

[Iceblaster]

Granted but you can only have super strength when speaking in 90s action hero terms

I wish to be able to change anything I touch into Giant Cave Spider Silk Socks

[Demdemeh]

Granted. Everything you touch turns into !!Giant Cave Spider Silk Socks!!, from three wishes ago.

I wish to know where to invest my money for the next big stock boom.

[RAM]

Granted but you can only have super strength when speaking in 90s action hero terms

I wish to be able to change anything I touch into Giant Cave Spider Silk Socks

The whole "Everything I touch turns to <valuable item>" thing was corrupted by professionals thousands of years ago...
The giant cave spider mother comes looking for the baby giant cave spider you are now holding.

the next big stock boom is in chicken stock and will take place in 47 years when battery farms are temporarily illegal, but most folk know it will never last so it is only a small boom...
Invest your money in beef stock and dynamite.

I wish for a recorder.

[Demdemeh]

Granted. The only song you know how to play is Hot Cross Buns.

I wish to be a musical genius.

[Ameablable]

Granted. But you are unable to play, write down, teach, share, tsll anyone abiut it.

I wish for a beard

[Demdemeh]

You receive a Dwarf Fortress-style beard. It quickly dominates your mental processes, and you are now its slave.

I wish that everyone would just get along.

[Ameablable]

Granted but you will never be happy again

I wish to see in the dark.