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[RAM]

See the Terminator franchise for details.

You could read latin at that exact moment, I hope that you made good use of it...

I wish that I could appreciate the talents of folk who can convey text-bound messages across the internet using seemingly deficient spelling and grammar.

[Remuthra]

Granted. You are now Homestuck.

I wish I was a drinking fountain.

[RAM]

You start your new career full of optimism, attached to the outside of a dull but solid masonry building in a nice little park. After several days of nervous looks and repeated encounters with a strange personage who activates you to no apparent end you are met by a group of several inebriated folk. One rather unkept member of their number attempts to sit upon you, the experience is unpleasant, and followed by several incidents of violent oral expulsion onto your person. The last you know of the events is a metallic post wielded by one of their number approaching you with significant force. For the next several months your existence is that of misshapen horror, occasionally distracted by attempts to activate you, which achieve nothing but to dislodge and over-pressurise some of your inner workings. At the end of that time, you are unceremoniously dismantled and dumped before being melted down as scrap metal...

I wish that I could grant fulfilment to every life.

[Zephyr]

granted. this is accomplished by bisecting you!

i wish it was legal to take out douchebags with a katana.

[RAM]

<Insert literal interpretation of wish>
<insert speculation of social ramifications of the absence of laws against violence>
Granted, all katanas become fragile and evaporate harmlessly as soon as anyone touches them.

I wish for smurf soup.

[Gentlefish]

Congrats. Have some smurfing soup.

I wish the water in my aquarium didn't evaporate.

[RAM]

The water in your aquarium is prevented from leaving it and starts to get nasty.

I wish to be a bowl of petunias spontaneously appearing at the edge of the atmosphere.

[pisskop]

Granted.  They punture the Ozone layer and delicious O₃ leaks into space, dooming us all to

Spoiler: Enter at you own risk! (click to show/hide)

I wish for a heavy cheeseburger with onions and black olives on texas toast.

[timferius]

Granted.  They punture the Ozone layer and delicious O₃ leaks into space, dooming us all to

Spoiler: Enter at you own risk! (click to show/hide)

I wish for a heavy cheeseburger with onions and black olives on texas toast.

Granted, however, the weight of this cheeseburger is too much even for the highly durable, thick cut texas style toast to hold up. In fact, it is so great that it collapses in on itself, causeing a black hole to form. Amazingly, a photo is uploaded, and millions of lolcat pictures posted on the internet, before the earth is completly swallowed by the black hole. This burst of activity lingers as wireless information, marking the area around the earth like a tombstone, our lasting legacy.

I wish I could unsee the image spoilered above.

[Fniff]

Granted. You see an even worse one that wipes that memory away.

I wish that image I was just talking about didn't exist.

[Gentlefish]

Welcome to 1984. You're brainwashed into not imagining anything.


I wish for all bad music to go away.

[SharpKris]

your wish is granted you are now deaf and will never again hear bad music

i wish to be free from the army

[Gamerlord]

You a re now free from the army. Free to run. The exit is down through the firing range, good luck!

I wish this thread had never been created.

[Zephyr]

granted. Bay12forums collapse under the void.

I wish I had robot slaves.

[pisskop]

Granted.  Their function is to give colonoscopies.

I wish for more news networking.