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[GreatWyrmGold]

Granted, his uncharacteristically nice wish for you to live a long healthy life is corrupted to you living forever in massive pain and being tortured so that your only desire is for death.

That's cheating! That's not uncharacteristic, that's practicality impossible!
...I never said it would be tough...

[NESgamer190]

Granted, his uncharacteristically nice wish for you to live a long healthy life is corrupted to you living forever in massive pain and being tortured so that your only desire is for death.

I wish I owned a cow.

Granted, but it happened to be a Computer On Wheels attached to your left ankle!  Ouch man!

I wish plushies could be made in dwarf fortress!  (Going off of Lemon10's wish, due to a lack of wish by GreatWyrmGold.)

[pisskop]

Granted, Now instead of socks your dorfs scramble over beanie babys like damn kobolds.

I wish for staebucks coffee

[Hanslanda]

Granted. You now have Staebucks^TM coffee. It is made with dung and rat poison. Enjoy.

I wish I had nanites.

[FuzzyZergling]

Granted. The nanites use you as raw materials to build more of themselves.

I wish I was internet famous.

[Hanslanda]

Granted, you're internet famous for a nutshot so painful, so mind-bogglingly destructive, that no one will ever forget your name, or fail to shudder with sympathy pain.

I wish I could walk through walls.

[SolarShado]

Granted, you can walk through walls, but only ones made of paper.

I wish I could hack my brain like it was a computer.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Granted. Your brain is a computer, complete with internet access. You get a cold, which infects your brain, then the internet, and soon all electronic devices. You brought about the end of civilization.

I wish that solar energy was cheaper to produce.

[pisskop]

Granted, it can be done by plants for free.

I wish I had the motivation to write this essay...

[SolarShado]

Granted, you are now highly motivated to write your essay, by a madman with a chainsaw. Unfortunately, you have no arms (or by extension, hands) with which to use a computer or writing implement.

I wish I has more free time...

[GreatWyrmGold]

Granted, it can be done by plants for free.

To be cheaper, it needs to be less expensive than it is currently.

You are fired from your job, Shadow.

I wish someone would corrupt my actual wish, not a similar-sounding one.

[pisskop]

For a man who grumbles about how adequate his own insufficient answers are you sure picked on mine.

We cannot use plants, therefore it is not currently available.  wish corupted.

I wish my girthy mother would take her stomache staple as a sign to lose weight.

[Nirur Torir]

I wish that solar energy was cheaper to produce.

Granted. The oil companies buy it out and pocket the difference.

I wish I has more free time...

Alright, but you can't help but waste your newly gained free time on the Internet.

I wish my girthy mother would take her stomache staple as a sign to lose weight.

She does, but she also takes up veganism and a near-starvation diet. She incessantly encourages you to do the same.

I wish for three wishes to use to improve my life with a monkey's paw. Those things are somewhat unsafe if you're not prepared. (I'm not wishing for more wishes, I'm wishing for the wording of three wishes.)

[GreatWyrmGold]

Granted. They are...oh, crap, you forgot.

I wish that everyone had a shipstone.

[Mr Space Cat]

Granted. Everyone now has stone ships to sink sail.

I wish the universe was slightly less crazy than it already is.