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[rarborman]

Granted you are a plane made of air.

I wish the forums would derp again.

[Frost]

Granted. Now everyone is a hate filled troll that just wants to derp up your day.

I wish that I owned several sub-atomic thermonuclear bombs, and could just throw them at Switerland for target practice with no consequence.

[Phantom of The Library]

Granted, there are instead multiple consequences, first of which being (due to your poor aim) you merely tick off the Swit.  Fortunately, you were aiming at Switerland not Switzerland. So, instead of dying on the ends of many pointy implements, you are instead beset by angry Switter-Twitter flash mobs who then proceed to dismantle everything within your home.  The second consequence being that (due again to your terrible aim) you instead hit North Korea, who then launch a full salvo back at you for your impudence.  The third consequence being that you are eaten by a grilled cheese sandwich.  It is unclear to you how this is related, but then again, when you're inside the belly of sandwich its hard to see anything.

I wish that I would stop cricking my neck so much.

[Gizogin]

Granted.  You have just been decapitated, and can thus no longer crick your neck.  At the very least, you won't care about it anymore.

I wish I had telekinesis.

[zomara0292]

Granted.  You have just been decapitated, and can thus no longer crick your neck.  At the very least, you won't care about it anymore.

I wish I had telekinesis.

Granted. But you can only effect one sub-atomic particle at a time. No one will ever believe you have the power. Not even you.

I wish I made the final wish to end all wishes.

[rarborman]

Granted a tangent universe explodes, destroying the tangent world and since its a tangent noone ever finds out.

I wish for everyone to be happy.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Granted, but only because the sad, RAGE, terrified, and WTF threads are all locked.

I wish I wasn't tired.

[rarborman]

Granted you lapse into a coma.

I wish I could go on the irc with this phone.

[Frost]

Granted. But that is now the only use for your phone, period.

I wish that I could give people actual cookies over the internet.

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. You can give them cookies through the internet, or so you thought. Your attempts of giving the other person some cookies led to the destruction of the computer.

I wish I was horrible.

[Alternatecash]

You achieve your PHD in horribleness, accidentally kill the only person you love while trying to kill your nemesis, and star in a musical.

I wish my forum game hadn't died like a puppy in a basement.

[Azthor]

Granted, it died like a puppy in a small cave northeast of Tenryo.

I wish for the wishing to become a non retroactive bannable offense.

[Gizogin]

Granted.  M. Night Shyamalan makes a new movie called "The Wishing," the watching of which is grounds for immediate bannage.

I wish I hadn't just made a terrible M. Night Shyamalan joke.

[Drago55577]

Granted, but you did anyway


I wish I had glowing text

[rarborman]

Granted but it only glows if you leave it in the sun for hours and never more then normal.

I wish for mechnical toys.