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[FuzzyZergling]

Granted. An imperial drone comes to your house with a filial pail, demanding your slurry.

I wish that I could bestow immortality to anyone of my choice.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Granted. You now have the power to petrify someone.

 I wish that I had nothing at all.

[Phantom of The Library]

@Iaman: Granted, I ignore your ninja and it's like you don't even exist.

I wish that I could bestow immortality to anyone of my choice.

Granted, however it is at the cost of their sanity and doing so gives them an unhealthy obsession with cheese and cats.  The first person you bestow immortality on is your significant other; who then kills you and conquers the world and turns the entire earth and moon into giant cheese factories, and institutes a mandatory cat breeding program and identification program and everyone must have a cat with them at all times or else they are arrested by the Nazi-KGB-Stormtrooper police squad and subject to become special ingredients for the very special "head cheese." 
Later the cats form a hive-mind out of sheer numbers and imprison the earths former ruler within it's core.  The cats then proceed to spread out across the entire universe turning all available matter into cats, however the cats eventually collapse under their own combined gravity into a single super-condensed particle, which then after several quadrillions of years explodes in a new Big Bang, eventually a new Earth, exactly identical to the first forms, and goes through an almost exactly similar history eventually leading to you granting immortality to your significant other, and time continues to loop from there.


I wish that I would never use the lyrics of a song in a wish again.  As it almost killed the thread last time.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

(Had nothing at all, not be nothing. Corruption interrupts Exist: Denounced by elf collaborator.)

[terkiey]

Granted, but you forgot to wish.

I wish that all elf collaborators were dead.

[Phantom of The Library]

Your wish has already been granted, since he is nothing he is dead and therefore cannot have anything.

I wish that my heart was a stereo.

[terkiey]

Someone tries to make water vibrate on your stereo.
Meanwhile you die due to lack of heart.

I wish that I had 3 hands.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Granted, however one hand forces a portal that unleashes a legion of elf collaborators onto the world, consuming it.

I wish that my avatar was gone.

[Skyrunner]

Granted, but only monitors that can display in the IR range can show it is gone. Or you could cas true seeing. Good luck with that :3

I wish I had 3 metric kilograms of gold!

[terkiey]

You have 3 metric kilograms of fool's gold.

I wish I had 3 metric fucktons of brix to shit.

[JackOSpades]

Granted you (quite painfully I might add.) shit three metric tons of stone bricks. good luck flushing that.

I wish I had my finger on the proverbial doomsday button.

[Phantom of The Library]

Granted, you press it on accident and through faulty wiring, it kills only you.

I wish that I could here that midnight whistle blow, and that I paid my dues and was traveling on.

[JackOSpades]

Granted, turns out the afterlife at least for you is even shittier and more pointless that this one.

I wish the next DF update would come out already.

[FuzzyZergling]

Granted. It has a ton of fatal bugs that Toady was in the process of cleaning up before updating.
The game is mostly unplayable and the next release isn't for another two months.

I wish I could screw the rules because I had money.

[Sirus]

You have enough money to pay the transvestite hooker "Rules". You get all sorts of diseases.

I wish my friends got along better.