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[Devling]

A petition is held to wrest away control from you, and toady has to shut down the entire forum, and since everybody left he has to get a menial job or starve, and dwarf fortress never gets finished. THXS BRO.

I wish that I could eat anything and suffer no ill effects, and be nurtued as if I had feed upon the healthest food that one could subsist solely on, while also being delicious, and I don't have any other strange new eating habits because of this, and I don't get curropted by the taste and eat everything.

[Azthor]

Granted, but, as you are delicious, you are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I wish to ascend further in the divine hierarchy, becoming the sole Overdeity in all of the multiverse.

[FuzzyZergling]

Granted. The position of Overdeity is filled with tedious paperwork and all your subordinates are incompetent.

I wish that Andrew Hussie was immortal, so I would never have to fear for his glorious lips ever again.

[Azthor]

Granted, he is immortal, but not invulnerable... He is stuck admist a raging inferno, unable to die. Ouch.

I wish for complete omnipotence.

[Sirus]

Complete omnipotence is boring, so you delete yourself from existence.

I wish Kerbal Space Program was complete and I had bought it.

[PokemonRocks85]

granted but kerbal is so good and has lots of stuff it crashs your pc

I wish i could make a good story

[Devling]

Granted, but, as you are delicious, you are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Oh, nice one. Reading between the lines.

You CAN, but you never find the time.

I wish to shoot lazers that are harmless to me and controlable(by me).

[PokemonRocks85]

Granted you shoot lasers everywhere destroying earth and you suffocate in space

i wish i could do anything i want

[Sirus]

Granted. In a depressed mood, you wish that you were dead. Wish granted!

I wish for a futuristic supercomputer which will be able to play the best games for the next 50 years.

[PokemonRocks85]

granted but a game comes out called your computer cant run this game and you buy it for 200 dollars and play it but your computer cant run it you wonder why

I wish some people were not plain stupid

[Sirus]

Granted. Everyone except you becomes a super-enlightened genius.

I wish for Tums.

[Phantom of The Library]

Granted, unlimited Tums burst forth from a portal quickly filling the room, since infinite Tums take up infinite space, they destroy everything they touch, luckily due to the gigantic number, the FPS of the world slows down to a crawl, so yo have time to escape.
Bonus points to whoever catches the reference.

I wish for the perfect embark site.

[Sirus]

Since perfect is a relative term, you embark on a flat plain with sparse trees and a brook. The most interesting stone on the map is granite, and there is no magma.

I wish someone would explain the reference to me.

[GlyphGryph]

Granted. Someone explains the reference to you, but its both incredibly complicated and not very funny, leaving you terribly dissapointed.

I hope I accomplish something with my life so great that that culture will my remember my name and carry it on for many hundreds of years - good or ill matters not, simply that I am remembered.

[Phantom of The Library]

Granted, because of horrible acts your name, much like Mudd, becomes an insult, but, like Mudd, no-one remembers you yourself.

I wish that TPAM was a toad