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[Loud Whispers]

You get it. Unfortunately, it was made from bloated tubers and plump helmets, and you are wracked with spontaneous liver combustion.

I wish I had an epic door within a door.

In front of a door.

[Sirus]

Granted! You lose your keys!

I wish Intel graphics cards didn't suck so much.

[fergus]

Granted! Now no one supports it so it's still useless.

I wish for chocolate.

[Phantom of The Library]

I wish for chocolate.

Granted, but it's actually white chocolate, which is actually cocoa butter.

I wish I had an Expander Ray for my Epic Trenchcoat

[Kestrel_6]

Granted! However, Einstein rises from the dead to kill you, for breaking the laws of physics.

I wish that FTL was possible.

[Trapezohedron]

Of course, Faster than Larva travel was possible even in the very beginning of time. From what era were you born from, since you didn't know the basics of the laws of physics?

(AKA wish granted, faster than larva travel was possible, and always has been possible.)

I wish Faster than Light travel was possible.

[Phantom of The Library]

I wish Faster than Light travel was possible.

Granted but the human race will never get enough funding together to actually make an engine that can, and aliens whizz by periodically to taunt us.

I wish that I could rise from the dead, with my new form just a skeleton (so the Trenchcoat fits now) and I become a sharply dressed, walking, talking, fire-throwing, skeleton detective.

[Skyrunner]

You are all of them, but no-one believes your detectiveness and kills you in sight.

I wish I could sing.

[Phantom of The Library]

I wish I could sing.

Granted, but dozens of Tarrasques are attracted to the sound and it makes them angry

I wish that people would catch my Skulduggery Pleasant references.

[Time Blossom]

Granted, but it's only because you beat them over the head with said references to the point that they're not even references anymore, until finally everyone just stops answering your phone calls.

I wish peanut shells didn't make such a mess.

[Skyrunner]

Granted, but it's only because you beat them over the head with said references to the point that they're not even references anymore, until finally everyone just stops answering your phone calls.

I wish peanut shells didn't make such a mess.

Now they only fall off in two pieces, but you need an industrial sledgehammer to shell them.

I wish I had a couple million bucks.

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. A thousand horses buck you a million times, turning you into a dead, bloody pulp after the whole harrowing ordeal.

I wish I was a Patapon.

[Nega]

Granted, but suddenly a time traveller comes back in time and stops you from wishing it.

I wish I had a talking drum.

[terkiey]

Granted, but it talks you out of wishing for it in the first place.

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. You get a perfectly ordinary Talking Drum...




Okay, maybe not, but it doesn't talk. That would've been fine enough, if the drum itself wasn't rigged with explosives.

You die from the blast.

I wish the world had parallax scrolling.

I wish the poster above me wished for something.