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[Phantom of The Library]

Granted, instead you are pirated and all of you're money is stolen by the internet equivalent of Blackbeard.

I wish that time would stop slippin' slippin' slippin' into the future.

[Skyrunner]

It starts slidin', slidin', slidin' into the future.

I wish LGF's stock prices hit 30/share.

[Phantom of The Library]

Granted, Little Green Ferret's incorporated hits 30 dollars a share, unfortunately neither you nor anyone else has ever heard of them.

I wish that it would be one day 'till we say wasabi.

[Blaze]

Granted, now all humanity can say is Wasabi.

Humanity manages to move on by creating another method of communication. However, as expected of humanity, factions emerge on the proper pronunciation of Wasabi; which inevitably leads to a series of wars which devastates the entire world leaving it a blasted, radioactive wasteland. You manage to survive the next 50 years by drinking the milk of pregnant rats deep underground in the sewers.

However, you're found by the remnants of humanity, which is odd considering only 100,000 exist in the entire world compared to the original 6,000,000,000+. They sentence you to relive the memories of the war seen through the eyes of the millions war casualties which were recorded as they waited to die from the horrible pain caused by the advanced weaponry only a never-ending war could have engendered; all beamed directly into your head via medical technology which indirectly keeps you alive. Oh, and they also stimulate the pain center of your brain directly, just because. Isn't technological progress wonderful?

10,000 years after the rest of humanity has died and/or become horrible mutants due to background radiation. The energy source of the machine keeping you alive is finally exhausted, thus you finally die. As you arrive at the Pearly Gates (or one of its analogues), you're asked to state your name. Unfortunately, they only have "Wasabi W. Wasabi" nametags, so they send you down to Hell (or one of its analogues) for an eternity of suffering.

The Devil (or one of his/her analogues) throws you to the masses that were sent down before you for them to do with you as they will. To be free of all that, all you must do is ask for mercy, but seeing as you can't; You remain in that state for all eternity.

And we all lived happily ever after.

I wish for a pair of wool socks.

[Sirus]

You get wool socks. An elephant stomps on you, and a random dwarf takes your socks.

I wish peaceful aliens would visit Earth and we got to explore the universe.

[Trapezohedron]

Granted. They arrive because they saw our LHC starting produce a very large black hole that will obliterate Earth and the neighboring alien species in the other star systems in two days.

The government flies with them to who-knows-where, while they leave part of the galaxy to rot, under the pretense that they will be back to find a solution to things.

You don't get to fly with them, and only the government-types got to speak with them.

Two days pass, and you know the rest.

I wish that I wasn't born at all.

[PokemonRocks85]

Granted you are dead and have no life and also a fun fact you go to hell too 

I wish i was a unicorn

[Dkite11]

Granted. You are a unicorn, but are the only unicorn on the planet. You have no friends, family, and everyone wants to capture you.

I wish I was a cartoonist.

[Flying Dice]

Granted. You spend the rest of your life penniless and scorned by other artists.



I wish it were the afternoon already.

[FuzzyZergling]

Granted. You are teleported to a part of the world where it is afternoon already.

I wish I was STRONG.

[Flying Dice]

Granted. You are suddenly depressed by the realization that your life consists of a series of training montages.


I wish us all luck on the final stretch to 10,000 replies.

[The Merchant Of Menace]

Granted, but because your wish is rather meta, the thread dies.

I wish Flying Dice hadn't killed the thread.

[FuzzyZergling]

Granted. You killed it instead.

I wish that life followed the rules of a turn-based tactical tabletop game.

[Alternatecash]

Granted. You promptly fail a pinning test when some jackass playing Matt Ward's power fantasy drops a blast template the size of the table on you.

I wish my downstairs neighbors would die in a fire, somewhere that won't inconvenience me.

[Sirus]

Granted. Your neighbor dies in a fire in the middle of nowhere, which also immolates your true love and in such a way that you get the blame. Life sentence for arson and double-murder, yay!

I wish to be in a movie.