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[Nilocy]

Granted. The elves are now named Liberals. And they screw up your governments.

I wish that Dwarfs could make tasty syrup pancakes.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. But syrup pancakes aren't considered edible to dwarves, so they let them rot.

I wish my dwarves would make prepared meals with certain inedible ingredients thrown in for bulk, such as soap or stones.

[SHAD0Wdump]

Granted,but after grinding their teeth on their new rock-kitten biscuits they start petitioning for expensive dental plans.

I wish for dwarven kleenex to wash off all the blood and guts,and vomit.

EDIT,gah wish must wish!

[Nilocy]

Granted. Instead they use Andrex toilet roll... but its covered in puppy vomit.

I wish saying 'LOL' irl was banned.

[Cthulhu]

Granted, but the people are shocked by the government's sheer audacity at banning the use of a word, and there's a global revolution.

I wish I knew how to mod STALKER.  I keep making it crash.

[Sean Mirrsen]

Granted. You modded STALKER. It didn't crash. A C-130 crashed onto your house.

I wish galactophagous pinata were real.

[Asheron]

Granted, but they all fly really high and are invisible. The only time you can see them is when it rains, the seas run red with blood and it is Asheron's birthday.

I wish I knew the answer to the 1 million euro question.

[Sean Mirrsen]

Granted. You suffer this fate.

I wish to have 1 million euros.

[mutant mell]

Granted.  They all appear in a safe place, one where no one will ever be able to steal them: your spleen.

I wish for a crossbow with all the properties of an artifact adamantium crossbow from Dwarf Fortress, and that it comes with an unlimited supply of artifact adamantium bolts.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. Unfortunately your race isn't able to wield crossbows or bolts, nor can you employ Throwing. Furthermore, you quickly realize that the crossbow has another special power: if melted down or otherwise reshaped, it melts into a puddle of crap. Enjoy!

I wish the American dollar weren't failing :/

[qwertyuiopas]

Granted, it is going down so fast that they had to invent a new word for it!

I wish that a ‼carp‼ would appear on the other side of the world from me.

[Nilocy]

Granted, but theres another dwarf on the other side of the world wishing the same thing, so the carp are now in two places at the exact same time. Well done, you just disproved schrodinger (sp?)

I wish summer went on for ever.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted, but now Summer includes all forms of weather found during the year, and nobody gets a Summer break anymore.

I wish !!carp!! would become xxcarpxx

[SHAD0Wdump]

Granted,they do,and then they become !!Skeletal Carp!!
They proceed to flop over to you and turn you into !!Skeletal LeoLeonardoIII!!
You are shunned from society.

I wish for croutons!

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. You gain croutons. But everyone else has coupons for croutons, and demand that you give the croutons up. So you flee, across a bridge supported by pylons, to the base of a cliff where you strap on your crampons. Your girlfriend is at the top when you get there, and she asks what's up with the mob down below.

"They have crouton coupons" you say.

"Did you remember what I sent you out for?" she asks, scowling, hands on her hips. This is a bad sign.

"Um ... croutons?"

"Close. I'll give you a hint" she says, shoving you off the cliff backwards. You realize on your way down what it was she sent you to the store for.

...

Pads!


I wish they didn't add minerals to bottled water for "taste" ... if I wanted water that tastes gritty and sour I'd drink from the tap at the park.